Husband invited to work event on a Sunday

[Strugglingatworkmum]

DH's manager is organising lunch for the team on a Sunday in his house. I think it's coming from a good place but he lives in the middle of nowhere with no direct train access and we have a baby and toddler at home. If he goes there it means 2 hours each way to his normal workplace and our home and I will be alone with them the whole day. We barely see our children during the week as they are both in childcare. He feels he has to go as there is some sort of social pressure. AIBU to be annoyed by this and to think they should be a bit more considerate before extending an invite like this. Ultimately it's a work event and for me weekends are for family.

In OPs shoes (and I have been there) I'd send him off on his own. I wouldn't want the faff of taking the dc somewhere unfamiliar with loads of people we don't know.

It's a one off so not an issue at all, for me.

I worked at a business where the big boss had a fancy house and liked to throw a big staff party once a year.

IME the people who liked that kind of thing thought it was very important indeed to be there and those who didn't avoided it. It made no real difference to anything.

I wouldn't have a problem with it as a one off. I also doubt whether is attendance is as vital as DH is telling you, although perfectly reasonable that he wants to go IMO.

Oh lighten up OP! Do get irritated if other external family members or friends make plans with you over the weekend as it breaks the 'family time bubble' 🙄. It's a nice gesture and you're invited. DH has three options

1. "Sorry boss, will have to give this one a miss due to transport issues but would be great to do something soon"

2 "Thanks boss, I'll be coming alone as my partner is looking after the kids. See you soon!"

1. "Thanks boss, we've got childcare so will be coming over, we'll bring a bottle of something"

Are people in real life this awkward and offended when they get asked to anything that's not 'family time ' ?

The reason I put my kids in car seats when they were younger was because it’s safer, not because it’s the law. Being legal to not use them in a taxi doesn’t remove the risk.

Its a one off - go, send DH alone, dont go - no need to agonise about it

Enjoy a rare mummy day with your children and he goes.

I think Yabu. It's a one off, it's not inconsiderate to invite someone to something.

I'd suck it up and get on with it.

As an aside, is there any chance either of you will be learning to drive any time soon? Because as the kids get older, being a non driver will be quite a challenge unless you live in the middle of a big and entertaining city. DS age 14 has a friend from a non driving family, and I basically take him everywhere with DS, otherwise he’d never go anywhere, play football etc.

This.

These type of events are annoying, but typical of many jobs. As long as it’s infrequent, perhaps once or twice a year, it’s normal. He should try to attend.

I hate these events with a passion. It’s not even the weekend intrusion. I find them difficult because I’m a socially awkward person with autism. A couple of hours ends up ruining my entire weekend from the stress. I still go for the minimally socially acceptable time because it is part of career building.

I think you're being a bit daft if this is a one-off tbh.

If it were being asked of him once a month you'd have a point but once in a blue moon is fine. Lots of companies require some level of social interaction outside work. You shouldn't have to go to everything but if you never go to anything you shouldn't be shocked when people think you're being cantankerous.

"Weekends are for family"... well yes up to a point but you can take this to ludicrous extremes. Does that mean, for example, he couldn't ever go for a drink with a friend on a Saturday?

Go along (or let him go along) and suck it up this once for company harmony.

I will be alone with them the whole day.
as you would be if you couldn't afford childcare every day.
It's a one off, not very weekend can be exclusively 'family time', do neither of you do anything for yourself at the weekend?

Fair enough. I live in London where you see it every day…

If the taxi is doing both legs, they can hold onto your car seats for you while you’re on the train. My dad (minicab driver) did this for airport drop offs and pick ups so he would hold onto the car seats while the family were on holiday and then take them to the airport for the return journey home.

YANBU Its inconsiderate to “offer” a treat during non working hours essentially commandeering private time for company benefit. If they really wanted to treat families why not organize a family treat during the work week at a resort or family friendly park? Because this is a bit if cheap grace left over frim a feudal structure.

I think you're bring a bit precious. Its just one day. My XH used to go away for about 8 weeks a year.

Why don’t you just all go as a family then? Won’t it look rude if DH attends alone?

Surely you go to BBQs etc at the weekend normally?

I once worked with a director who would host an annual summer BBQ at his home in the countryside and families were invited. I suppose there is always an element of pressure to attend so as not to seem rude, but there's no way he would have expected a family to lug car seats etc using trains and taxis. If he wants to go alone though it's only one day of one weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband runs a small business. Twice a year he hosts his few employees to a meal out. Christ, to some posters on here he should be put in the stocks for crimes against humanity.

Depends on the sector. There are still places where this would be a three line whip and there would be consequences for non attendance. Shit but true.

Oh my ex boss used to do this and it was a GIGANTIC piss up. All sorts used to happen. One year someone pissed themselves and had to go home early.

Another year a woman got upset about something or other and locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out for two hours. They had to break down the door eventually.

Anyway, I would go together and just take the kids in a taxi.

It's surely a pretty rare occurrence?

Sure, weekends are for family, but is there a rigid rule that they must only be spent with family? That would suffocate the crap out of me.

You will be "with family". Don't you ever socialise as a family?

I think this is one of those things where if you go with an open mind you'll enjoy it more than you expected.

You won't be "lugging" car seats anywhere. You'll leave them somewhere at his house until you need them again.

The summer parties my old boss used to throw were legendary especially the time he took a 9yo out with a sliding tackle

I may be your hostess, as my DH has just sent out invitations of this sort for his team. If so, or if your DH’s company has the same approach as mine’s, let me reassure you that there is nothing in this beyond a general intention to run an informal event for colleagues and families to get a chance to meet socially, that plenty of people don’t come, that nobody will mind whether you or he comes, that it’s meant to be pleasant not a burden, and that probably the hosts will be quite pleased if some people don’t come as it keeps the cost and disruption down a bit. I’d hate to think anyone was visiting me under any sort of duress when it’s genuinely meant to be an optional social event!

How is he getting there if it's in the middle of nowhere on a Sunday and neither of you drive?