To say to parents of fussy eaters…

[dogssaywoof]

That it’s not your fault?

I’ve seen lots of posts on here where parents of fussy eaters are told that it had just fed their child a better diet/didn’t give any other options/let them try different foods as a baby etc etc that they wouldn’t be such a fussy eater. it always sounds like there’s an underlying blame on the parents for not trying different or more adventurous foods because someone else said they fed their baby a better diet and now they eat quinoa and olives and honey smoked salmon etc.

i just wanted to post to say that this is NOT always the case.

as a baby, I was fed a multitude of different foods from weaning. As a 2 year old I ate mussels, asparagus, garlic mushrooms, and all sorts of other weird and wonderful foods. I ate every fruit and vegetable. Was as far from a fussy eater as possible. But as I got older as a child that changed completely. I like vegetables now but only a few types vs every type as a 4 year old. I used to love seafood and physically don’t think I could swallow it out of disgust now. I don’t like egg yolk, again, something I loved and had no problems with it. There’s a list of things I dislike now. If I get a burger I have to get absolutely everything off it. No cheese. No salad. No pasta. No pizza. No red meat. No dressings/dips/sauces. You get the drill

im not saying it’s good to be a fussy eater because obviously it can be restrictive but what I am saying is that it’s not always to do with the foods etc you feed them as an infant. Otherwise I would be the most adventurous eater in the world! My mum took me to the dr as a child who said it’s just the way some people’s tastebuds are and it’s normal. Sometimes tastebuds change over time and people can dislike things, some people will dislike more things than normal but if your child is fussy please don’t blame yourself because actually it’s probably nothing to do with what you fed them and it’s just the way they are!

I really wish people would stop labelling food as weird and wonderful or adventurous. It’s just food. In many cultures some of the foods that get described on here are common everyday foods.
I sometimes wonder if we would have less fussy eaters in the UK if parents did stop categorising foods in to child friendly or adventurous etc and just served food as it is without any hierarchy

That's probably the point that people make on here though, you ate everything as a 4 year old because you were given everything from young. You then decided as you got older to stop eating things.

I think people on here talk about the fussy 4 year old, which you were not because you were given everything.

It is not the parents fault. Issues with textures, sensory processing issues, the body having weird wiring are all just being studied and discussed in scientific circles now and the stigma around that and calling eating disorder a mental health disorder is being re-written as we type. If you have a child with eating issues and someone claims they are to go to mental health clinic, flee the scene ASAP. Find yourself nutriotinist with proper education, enough experience and some maturity also.

Huh? You're a fussy(?) , limited eater adult not a child. So you can make choices as an adult that doesn't affect your parents. But as a child you ate everything. Completely not what people refer to when they talk about fussy eating children

I have an incredibly fussy eater, now aged 10. Always had comments from family/friends that "if she's hungry she'll eat". Have an older DC that eats anything so I really didn't know what I was doing wrong. Fussy DC is now on ASD assessment pathway.

As with everything, people vary. It is absolutely the case that some children are just fussier then others. The same as some kids sleep well and some don't, some can self-regulate screen time and some can't, some tantrum and some don't etc.

But you can parent around this. It's not the case that they are entirely set in their ways and nothing you do will make any difference. You can't make a fussy eater not fussy, but you can handle it in a way that allows them to eat as much as possible (not making food an issue, offering a broad range of options etc). Giving someone these tips to manage the situation in an effective way isn't blaming the parent.

Ds has a diagnosis of ARFID. He's autistic and there is also a family history of eating disorders. A perfect storm really for his difficulties.
For him it's far more complex than fussy eating.

Yep, two kids here, both parented the same, one eats anything and revels in trying new foods, spicy foods, weird foods etc. The other is all about PLAIN food - unseasoned meats and vegetables and potatoes. No sauces. No spice. No flavour really.

Kids just are who they are tbh.

I agree. Babies and children can eat anything, obviously with being careful with salt. I think being a "fussy" eater as an adult is mostly a choice though, you can learn to like any food.

'Fussy' eating can be for a whole host of reasons, and so there isn't a one-size fits all approach. As someone who has sensory issues around food as an adult, and who, looking back, probably also had them as a child, I am aware that other people might find my issues a tad ridiculous at times (especially as they seem to cause more problems at some times than others). When it came to feeding my son, I was careful to introduce him to a variety of foods, flavours, textures and so on, and to this day he enjoys things that I am a bit less keen on. I am aware that there are many people who don't even get much/any choice in what they eat, for a variety of reasons, so do feel fortunate that I am able to choose/avoid things as I please. While I do sometimes worry when I see/hear about what some children are eating I tend to remind myself that 1. it's not my business and 2. I am seeing a snapshot of their daily food intake. I also try to be understanding of those with issues around food, whatever those issues might be, because I am sure most of them have a hard enough time without piling judgement on top too.

Thank you OP

I see a lot of 'if they don't eat it they will go hungry; it won't hurt them' type of comments on threads about children with food issues.

It's horrific when you think about it. I often wonder how people go from the rush of live of the bundle in their arms to a young child who they dislike so much they will allow to go hungry for not obeying them.

I had one who only ate 3 food for years and yes, he is autistic but he is also an adult now and wasn't diagnosed until he was 9. Knowledge of ASD wasn't quite so readily available and I wasn't looking for it. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I just went with the flow with all my DC because it actually didn't matter if DS only ate 3 food as long as he didn't go to bed hungry. I didn't need to exercise control over him to eat something else, we tried don't get me wrong but not brutal starvation or any punishment related things.

As an adult he actually does eat a much wider variety of foods but this started gradually since he was around 15

This is simply untrue, and feeds more judgement of those already struggling with issues related to eating.

I also think it depends on what you mean by fussy eater. There are some foods as an adult I do not like. I don't like salmon, steak, strawberries (or anything strawberry flavoured). Nobody calls me fussy.

DS has never liked cheese (any kind), sauces or butter - was always labelled fussy. He is now in 20's and we still get the occasional - he's so fussy because he won't just go and buy a sandwich from a shop etc.

DH - hates pasta and rice. It is a pain, but fussy?

DSS - doesn't like chips.

I am a big believer in you like what you like. I think if you don't like something that is seen as norm, you are labelled as fussy.

Oh and olives, no matter how many times people try to tell me that I should keep trying them as they grow on you.

@Peony654

I agree. Babies and children can eat anything, obviously with being careful with salt. I think being a "fussy" eater as an adult is mostly a choice though, you can learn to like any food.

You don't think there is a reason for 'fussy' eating?

I spoke about DS in childhood but I also have an adult DD who ate anything as a child and in her late teens/early 20s developed anxiety about foods and now is very restricted - it causes her no problems though, she juts eats what she is happy to eat. I suspect she is autistic as well and quite probably has OCD which feeds into the worry about food not being cooked properly.

I was though- I started becoming fussy at the age of 5. It gradually got worse as I became older.

Thank you OP for the sentiment. I thought my fussy eater was my fault too and that I was Doing it Wrong. I was completely baffled. Turns out he is autistic. He’s a fully functioning 33 year old fussy eater nowadays. I do worry about his diet, but it is definitely him not me.

Read my full OP- admittedly it wasn’t clear what age I became fussy but I specifically said it was when I was a child.

I really don't like olives either, I don't know if it's the texture or the colour (especially the dark black/purple ones) or something else entirely! 🤔
I do like strawberries, but they have to be a certain texture (which makes it quite hard buying them as obviously I cannot eat one to try before buying!).

Sorry but this is absolute ignorance. I physically wretch with some foods because I hate them so much. It’s not a choice and it’s ridiculous to say so

My DS had huge issues with food from age 2 1/2. He was EBF until 10 months old, weaned on exclusively organic food etc etc. as per NHS guidelines. We took him to the paediatrician multiple times about his eating while living abroad. He was diagnosed with ASD aged 8, after we returned to the UK. He will absolutely not eat ‘if hungry enough’ and I am extremely careful with his relationship with food. He does not have ARFID but is borderline. He has been under a NHS dietician for years as he had no weight gain for 3 years and it was very concerning. He is back on track now. People who comment on how others feed their children have no idea what some parents are dealing with.

I completely agree with the comments about ‘if they won’t eat it then they go hungry’ fgs! I’m not saying offer your kids a buffet for dinner but why on earth would you insist they eat something they dislike?!

I even had it with my dog- she disliked her dog food so I asked the vet for advice of a healthy but different flavour brand. I was told to give her one option and she will manage to eat it if I don’t pander to her 😳 sure enough I ignored it, found a different flavour and my dog was much happier. Yes, eventually she would have been so hungry that eventually she would eat the food she disliked, but why would I make her eat something she disliked when I could easily give her something else she did like? Makes absolutely 0 sense!

I think it's quite normal for young children to be fussy eaters for a few years, from when they are 3 or so. Most of them grow out of it. And no, I don't think that feeding them a very varied diet from a very young age is any kind of guarantee that they won't have a fussy stage. I was extremely fussy from about 3-5 and both my dc were, for considerably longer. We were all brought up in households with a wide range of food, were served what the adults ate etc and we had all been good eaters at age 2 and all became very unfussy eaters after our fussy phase.

Exactly. For some children and adults they absolutely will NOT eat if they dislike the food, they will starve themselves rather than eat it. And at the end of the day, why should they be made to eat it? We all make choices about things we like and dislike- eg I make the choice not to go on rollercoasters because I’m scared, you might make the choice to do something else because you like it. Why should children be made to eat food they dislike.

And for some children it’s a miracle they eat at all. My friends severely autistic child lives on tomato ketchup on bread. Is that ideal? No. Is being admitted to hospital for malnourishment and forcefed a better option? Absolutely not.

The people criticise are never the parents of fussy eaters.

They literally don't know what they are talking about.

I’m a fussy eater. I ate everything as a 2 year old and then stopped and had a very limited palate which gradually expanded. There are still some foods as an adult I can’t eat without gagging extensively - anything mashed, puréed or eggs. I’ve got two DC one eats everything, one is very picky. Both weaned the same way. It’s just the way they are and we’ve never made a big deal about it. Meals are adapted so everyone will eat and everyone can input into meal planning (most of the time they can’t be bothered!) So I’ll sub pasta or rice for potatoes etc. I agree it’s simply down to luck of taste buds most of the time. We encourage DC2 to try foods and she’s very good about trying things but it’s on the side and there’s no pressure.