To say to parents of fussy eaters…

[dogssaywoof]

That it’s not your fault?

I’ve seen lots of posts on here where parents of fussy eaters are told that it had just fed their child a better diet/didn’t give any other options/let them try different foods as a baby etc etc that they wouldn’t be such a fussy eater. it always sounds like there’s an underlying blame on the parents for not trying different or more adventurous foods because someone else said they fed their baby a better diet and now they eat quinoa and olives and honey smoked salmon etc.

i just wanted to post to say that this is NOT always the case.

as a baby, I was fed a multitude of different foods from weaning. As a 2 year old I ate mussels, asparagus, garlic mushrooms, and all sorts of other weird and wonderful foods. I ate every fruit and vegetable. Was as far from a fussy eater as possible. But as I got older as a child that changed completely. I like vegetables now but only a few types vs every type as a 4 year old. I used to love seafood and physically don’t think I could swallow it out of disgust now. I don’t like egg yolk, again, something I loved and had no problems with it. There’s a list of things I dislike now. If I get a burger I have to get absolutely everything off it. No cheese. No salad. No pasta. No pizza. No red meat. No dressings/dips/sauces. You get the drill

im not saying it’s good to be a fussy eater because obviously it can be restrictive but what I am saying is that it’s not always to do with the foods etc you feed them as an infant. Otherwise I would be the most adventurous eater in the world! My mum took me to the dr as a child who said it’s just the way some people’s tastebuds are and it’s normal. Sometimes tastebuds change over time and people can dislike things, some people will dislike more things than normal but if your child is fussy please don’t blame yourself because actually it’s probably nothing to do with what you fed them and it’s just the way they are!

@Brieandcamembert why are you commenting on something you clearly have absolutely no experience or knowledge about?!
My child is an extremely picky eater, I never once purchased a ready made baby pouch. He rejected food from 6m old. There are countless foods he's never even put near his mouth despite being offered them countless times. Funnily enough; he lives on turkey dinosaurs.. not because that's what I offered him. But because out of sheer desperation it was pretty much all I had left to try.
It's actually soul destroying having a picky eater and judgemental attitudes like yours are actually the point of this thread.

And stop rewarding with cake, sweets etc. it's our attitude to food that the issue

The label "fussy" really doesn't help.

I am rather fussy, lots of foods I don't like and just won't eat. That is my choice.

DGS has Aspergers and has accompanying ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) - a genuine disability/medical condition. He lives on ham slices and plain pasta, and drinks real fruit juice. Almost nothing else passes his lips. The word "fussy" is just not appropriate for him. He has a severe eating disability.
And yes, he would quite literally starve himself rather than eat something that he didn't want to eat. For days and days and days. AS IN ACTUALLY STARVE HIMSELF - FOR REAL.

Sorry for shouting but some people just don't get it.

Sounds exactly like mine! Almost. 3 is fussy and prefers plain and definitely no sauce ever! 1.5 eats everything I put in front of - just drew the line at chocolate crepe for some reason.

Both were weaned exactly the same.

Yep same
If anything I was much more conscientious about food with DC1 - making ice cubes full of vegetable purees etc when they were a baby, but they are the fussy one.
She's a teen now and doesn't want to be fussy. She does try new foods but likes very few of them.

This is nothing less than goady wankiness.

Another goady wanker

@Brieandcamembert

Another numpty spouting opinions on a topic that they have zero knowledge or experience of.

Makes you look daft.

Former children's nurse, now health visitor.

I have worked with a lot of children with fussy eating and developmental difficulties.

Very tiny minority of children with eating issues you can't change or see the root cause of.

I was very fussy growing up and went through a stage that most of my meals were Heinz tomato soup. I ate no vegetables.
50 now and I eat everything apart from the odd things I don’t like. I found the control of cooking for myself helped and if I made it I would eat it.

I know plenty of people who have one fussy/one not fussy child. One of DDs friends would eat literally anything. To the point I actually think it was a bit odd not to dislike anything, she would eat any food at anytime. Her sister lived off McDonald’s and maize snacks.

I agree. Babies and children can eat anything, obviously with being careful with salt. I think being a "fussy" eater as an adult is mostly a choice though, you can learn to like any food.

As someone who was diagnosed with ARFID as an adult I can categorically tell you that's not true.

Nope. Nice try though.

I go out of my way to hide the fact I have ARFID. I am mortified if somebody draws attention to it. It's never been about attention seeking, I really can't help the fact I have a phobia of a wide selection of food.

I have voted YABU. Because you say your self in your post

"Its not always the case"

I dont find sweeping generalisation helpful. Sometimes it is the parents fault. We have had friends who were fussy eaters at home. At ours they ate everything and pronounced they liked it. At home they reverted to toddlers and this was allowed.

We have also had friends who were genuinely children with issues who had sensory issues,. AdHD and really struggled with certain foods.

Personally I think there is also a huge deal of culture in this. Its. Not the norm to sit down and eat as a family dinner every day. Its normal to make different food for the children. If they start of seeing and eating a wide variety then the selection (if neo diverse) often becomes wider.

So sometimes I think it is the parents fault. Sometimes I think its not.

And stop rewarding with cake, sweets etc. it's our attitude to food that the issue

🤣 said by someone who clearly hasn’t been through it or understands quite how stressful it is for both the child and parent. I would have loved my DC to eat anything at the worst stages, even cake!

@Brieandcamembert

How many have you actually parented?

To be fair given some of the crap I have had spouted by Health Visitors over the years I don’t think that makes you and expert on the day to day reality faced by many families.

@Brieandcamembert ahhhh you were a health visitor, makes perfect sense why you're comments are insensitive and lacking actual in depth knowledge. Somethings you just can't learn from a book. To be fair I had a similar attitude until I actually had first hand lived experience of a picky eater.

My autistic son was "fussy "
My health visitor suggested if he's hungry enough he will eat!
Both his doctor and the sen staff at his nursery , deemed this advice both dangerous and harmful!
Awful woman!

What part of seeing supportive thread aimed at parents of, very probably, in the main, disabled children made you decide to post this nasty shite?

@Sirzy my DS ate anything as a baby. Anything at all. Then he stopped and reached a point where he would eat nothing but potato waffles. I really mean nothing. That went on for ages and the judgement was unreal, especially as a young(ish) single mum. He was eventually diagnosed with autism (people said that was bad parenting too) and now in his 20s he does eat more but it has been a long and difficult journey. I truly believe he'd have starved himself to death if I'd removed the waffles as some people said I should.

I just came back to think thread. And reading some of the replies makes me wonder. Were the fussy eaters breast or formula fed. If breast fed, what was the mother's diet?
Maybe there is a link? Or its just pot luck...

I hear you OP.

What I loathe is the term 'fussy' in itself, which makes it sound like the child is just being pandered to. Nobody would describe someone with arachnophobia as just being 'fussy' around spiders, would they?

Until you have had to contend with a toddler frantically trying to escape from a high chair simply because they are utterly terrified of a single pea on their plate, you have no idea what parents who have kids with eating disorders have to go through.

Pot luck.

I breast fed all three, had similar diet with all three.
1 ate everything until she was ill at age 8yo and then had real food phobia for a while where we got down to about five things she ate.
1 refused solids for a while totally, ate a little bit but mostly refused unless it was tinned sweetcorn, and is still fussy.
1 ate everything and still does.

That it’s not your fault?

It's comforting to think that. But we all know that this isn't always true.

In many cases I've seen of NT 'fussy eaters' it absolutely was the parents fault. Due to poor modelling of good eating habits, poor weaning habits, poor diet in general etc.

However - I suppose the definition of being fussy or picky differs. I wouldn't class a three year old not liking sauces on their food as being particularly fussy for example - people have likes and dislikes after all. All of my children dislike some foods (different ones) but I wouldn't class any of them as picky.

Actually I think I'll add that I think some things are genetic.

There's a couple of food things that my dc have that I had as a child. It's not something that I do as an adult, and I'd never mentioned it, so it's not learned behaviour.
The most obvious one is food touching. I used to often eat meals one item at a time as a child, and first thing I'd do if I got a plate of stuff, was to separate it out. I haven't done that for years... but dd2 started doing it of her own accord.