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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give DD this gift? (Lighthearted)

83 replies

coldchipsfortea · 25/08/2023 09:23

18 year old DD is lovely, but has a definite habit of pinching my cosmetics and in particular perfume. At the moment I've got a v nice bottle if perfume that I got for Christmas which she uses almost daily!

She doesn't try and pretend she not using it - we can all smell it! 😂

Problem will be solved soon as shes heading off to uni in a different city in a few weeks 😭😭. I'm v proud of her, and am really going to miss her - so I had decided just to get her a bottle of said perfume as a going away pressie. A kind of "there you go have this as you wont be able to steal mine". But now a friend has said this is ridiculously indulgent and she needs to learn not to pinch my things.

I think it ok to indulge her as you only leave home for the first time once. So AIBU to give her the perfume?

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 26/08/2023 18:04

Sounds lovely. I expect to lose several pairs of shoes, my tweezers and a couple of cashmere jumpers when DD moves out.

golddustwomen · 26/08/2023 18:06

@Kerri44 I would do this too!

Floralnomad · 26/08/2023 18:06

Your friend is weird.

letmesailletmesail · 26/08/2023 18:08

Perfect gift!
When a friend's daughter went to university, she was away with work and so her husband took the daughter. He sent her a photo of their DD all unpacked in her new room and there on the shelf was my friend's perfume and make up! The DD had also ransacked the alcohol cupboard.

welovetv · 26/08/2023 18:14

Give her the rest of your bottle and buy yourself the new one! 😉

northernbeee · 26/08/2023 18:21

Ignore your friend, give her the gift

timegoingtooquickly · 26/08/2023 18:37

It's a lovely idea! What is wrong with your friend??

Ivyusername · 26/08/2023 19:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Meadowflower2023 · 26/08/2023 19:36

Your friend sounds fun 🙄 ignore her and get the perfume for your DD, it's a lovely idea.

mezlou84 · 26/08/2023 20:30

I'm 38 and will still nick some of my mams deodrant or perfume when I'm there 😂. My mam and sister do same with mine when here. What mine is theirs and what's theirs is mine. Other day my sister turned up as I was dishing tea out so we all had a bit less so she could have some. Then she saw my new perfume on side I hadn't put away yet and she picked it up and had to try it 🤣. Suppose it depends on what you're used to. Get her the perfume x

Holliegee · 26/08/2023 20:31

I know you’re probably very emotional right now and what I’m going to say may make it worse …..my son was in China on his gap year and he rang me to ask what perfume I wore, I told him not to buy me any as it’s expensive and to use his money to enjoy himself anyway, he replied saying he wasn’t going to buy any he just wanted to spray some and be reminded of home 😢 as he was missing it !!!
when he did come home some months later there was a faint smell of my perfume in his suitcase ❤️❤️.
Give her the perfume !

Allhailkingcharlie · 26/08/2023 21:36

Oh gosh I think that is really lovely actually and if my mom did that, id be really touched and would think of her whenever I put it on!

lapsedbookworm · 26/08/2023 21:47

Holliegee · 26/08/2023 20:31

I know you’re probably very emotional right now and what I’m going to say may make it worse …..my son was in China on his gap year and he rang me to ask what perfume I wore, I told him not to buy me any as it’s expensive and to use his money to enjoy himself anyway, he replied saying he wasn’t going to buy any he just wanted to spray some and be reminded of home 😢 as he was missing it !!!
when he did come home some months later there was a faint smell of my perfume in his suitcase ❤️❤️.
Give her the perfume !

Oh that's so lovely

hellsbells99 · 26/08/2023 21:50

@coldchipsfortea I use the same perfume and my DD keeps using it too!

socialdilemmawhattodo · 26/08/2023 21:53

coldchipsfortea · 25/08/2023 09:23

18 year old DD is lovely, but has a definite habit of pinching my cosmetics and in particular perfume. At the moment I've got a v nice bottle if perfume that I got for Christmas which she uses almost daily!

She doesn't try and pretend she not using it - we can all smell it! 😂

Problem will be solved soon as shes heading off to uni in a different city in a few weeks 😭😭. I'm v proud of her, and am really going to miss her - so I had decided just to get her a bottle of said perfume as a going away pressie. A kind of "there you go have this as you wont be able to steal mine". But now a friend has said this is ridiculously indulgent and she needs to learn not to pinch my things.

I think it ok to indulge her as you only leave home for the first time once. So AIBU to give her the perfume?

It's a lovely idea and yes definitely a joke about pinching. Sorry now I'll go and read the thread and find out you've decided not to in Post 3!!

PonyPatter44 · 26/08/2023 21:54

Ariela · 26/08/2023 11:43

I would wrap it up, so she can't tell exactly what it is, and say that when/if she feels she's missing home a bit it's time to open it.

I absolutely love this. Please do this!

Doone21 · 26/08/2023 22:47

Seems a bit weird that your friend feels its her place to comment on it or dissuade you. None of her business. Get her a leaving gift. It's lovely

Gumptionesque · 26/08/2023 22:56

That’s a bit mean-spirited from your friend. Sounds like a perfect gift to send her away with. Scents are so evocative, it will be a lovely reminder of home.

Hagridisthehero · 26/08/2023 23:24

Absolutely not indulgent at all, your daughter is moving away to study. It’s a big shift for everyone involved, a little gift that smells of home and her mum is a lovely idea.

AnathemaPulsifer · 26/08/2023 23:33

I let my daughter take the perfume of mine that she was always stealing when she went to uni and she really appreciated it.

Meadowflower2023 · 27/08/2023 08:32

Holliegee · 26/08/2023 20:31

I know you’re probably very emotional right now and what I’m going to say may make it worse …..my son was in China on his gap year and he rang me to ask what perfume I wore, I told him not to buy me any as it’s expensive and to use his money to enjoy himself anyway, he replied saying he wasn’t going to buy any he just wanted to spray some and be reminded of home 😢 as he was missing it !!!
when he did come home some months later there was a faint smell of my perfume in his suitcase ❤️❤️.
Give her the perfume !

This is one of the sweetest things I've read in a long time. Your son sounds adorable ❤️

ItstimeToMoveagain · 27/08/2023 08:41

Your friends miserable, buy the perfume

I'm not sure about mother's of boys not having their stuff borrowed though. Ds12 used to take my converse and dms until his feet grew too big. He still nicks my band tshirts now

Ds20 is back from from uni atm and I caught him with my ghost perfume the other week. He also borrows my dark coloured nail varnish and my eyeliner . At least he's too big for my leather jacket now!

stevalnamechanger · 27/08/2023 08:42

No it's a lovely gift .

When I was homesick at university I had a small bottle of my mums now sadly discontinued perfume

Whataretheodds · 27/08/2023 08:45

welovetv · 26/08/2023 18:14

Give her the rest of your bottle and buy yourself the new one! 😉

This

Laura0076 · 28/08/2023 13:09

Absolutely give her the perfume! What a lovely muma you are! My mum still buys me perfumes as big treats and I STILL (im 35) pinch hers when I visit lol. It's not a disrespectful thing if my mum didn't like it she would say we have a giggle about it and now I'm grown up I find her pinching bits of my cosmetics when she visits me 😂
I always appreciate it! As it's something i don't often have the money for myself and will make a beautiful gift for university! I'm intrigued as to which perfume it is now tho? Might need to tell my mum to add it to her collection for me to try haha x