AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

I rewarded D.C. for their efforts - when they finished last exam we gave them a lump sum based on their grades for effort in their last school report. If the exam is exceptionally hard or they aren't good at the subject or aren't well taught the final result might be outside their control. For us what deserved a reward was doing their best.

I wouldn't. It gives the message that you value them more if they get good grades. It becomes more about pleasing you. The grades are their own reward.

I think we are all different, money would not have incentivised me to work hard because I already did.

My parents did this for me about 20 years ago.
Tell SIL to mind her own business!

It's less about "teaching" and more about highlighting the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic is more self-determining, recognising that one's own internal narrative about the benefits of doing something like studying, self-care or exercise which shouldn't require a monetary reward will always be more enduring. The reward is the pride, satisfaction and future positive factors (better job, better QoL, more life choices) will always be more enduring than a monetary reward (extrinsic) which is quickly spent and forgotten.

It empowers the young person to navigate and set their own life values - studying and exams at this point in the young person's life is the centre of their universe and focus of their attention, so more likely to influence thinking about what motivation they can cultivate to meet their goals.

My son got all As at National 5 and I gave him £70 and again at higher and I gave him £100. So worked out as a tenner per A last year and £20 per A this year. It was a treat not an incentive as he’d have worked that hard to excel regardless.

I think those amounts you are talking about are ridiculous personally especially for only GCSE level and I would expect kids to want to do well for their own sake irrespective of financial incentives but it’s your life and money, not mine so fill your boots. :)

I don't think you're out of order at all. I did exactly the same with my daughter with her GCSEs. I offered her a bit less than you but it was a few years ago, so would probably work out around the same at today's prices. Like your daughter, mine was at a selective school and there was an absolute expectation that everyone would have a minimum of 8+ GCSEs at top grades.

My daughter wasnt working very hard by the time she got to the end of Year 10 and was really coasting. The financial incentive was a great motivator and cost me a fortune, but it was worth every penny. Its a very difficult age, and many young people don't realise how important their GCSEs can be for university entrance, and I'm certain my daughter wouldn't have got the grades she did without a financial incentive. I think it's a stroke of genius to have offered double for a couple of subjects where her predictions are a bit lower.

You know your child best and if she will respond to an incentive like this, and I'd do three same again without question. My only regret is that I didn't do the same for her AS exams the next year, but I really didn't understand how important these grades were for one of her university choices.

Ive done the same for my 2 DC. Amounts were based on the grades they could get if they tried (so different for each DC). One DC is very money orientated but cant be arsed with studying so this really motivated him and his results last week were better than anyone (including him & his teachers) thought he would get. He wouldnt have studied as hard if the only rewards was the results themselves.

However other DC does want to do well for the results sake so isnt motivated by a financial reward - but they still get one to make if fair with their brother.

Ultimately I have to work with the type of DC I have and financially rewarding one has proven to really work. They already work part time and are good at what they do, always volunteering to do more shifts so it hasnt negatively effected their work ethic.

I know lots of other parents who don't do this but thats up to them. If it works for you go for it.

Mine got into Oxbridge with A stars and no bribery at any stage of their school lives. Truly passionate about their subject and their dream was to study it there.

Would your child not have been able to achieve that without rewards?

I don't know anyone who gave/was given money for exam results. Just didn't occur to me.

Yes this too. I’d already decided I was just going to give £70/£100 as I didn’t want to send the message B and C grades weren’t as good. It was a moot point as it happened as he did get all As, but I doubt my youngest will and I don’t want him feeling lesser than his brother

My oldest son just finished Y11 and we chose not to do this - he didn’t need motivation to study. I think it send the wrong message - he got 9s easily in maths and science without putting in much work, 8s in English and French but with much more effort. His lowest grade was a 7 in history which he was a bit upset about - a lot of his class dropped several grades from their prediction in history probably due to altered grade boundaries. I have no issue with the effort he put into history revision and if we were also saying with a financial reward that we valued that grade so much less than the 9s we’re compounding his internal disappointment. We went out for a celebratory dinner and we’re buying him a laptop for 6th form.
The other issue is his brother struggles much more academically and is unlikely to get anything like the same grades - we’re spending the money upfront on tutoring and as it is will have our work cut out to make him feel equally proud of himself without comparisons.
(Obviously not an issue if your DS is an only)

"This is not my experience at all. Generally children live up to thier parents expectations. Beware of setting the bar too low. Our children are emerging into a global economy, do you think parents in India and Singapore are rewarding " doing your best".?"

So a child who is trying their very best, giving 100%, can literally do no more...should never be congratulated or rewarded, unless they are also achieving at the level considered worthy of such by their parents?

Just to add that I think offering financial incentives at this stage probably only really works well with a lazy child who is under performing, like my daughter was. Many of her friends were also given money per grade or an overall amount based on their results.

I haven’t paid either of my children for either A level or gcse or 11+. I have always rewarded effort to pay for attainment is (to me) bribing them and ultimately to do well in education they need to be self motivated and work because they want to achieve the next stage. It’s an awful lot of money you’re promising - potentially £2000 for GCSEs 😱. That said it’s your money your choice.

Success in life is its own reward.

I'd want a child to want to achieve for its own sake - and not connect it to monetary reward.

I've heard of parents promising kids a big gift if they passed the 11+, so that when they failed they had the double whammy of missing out on a present too.

Up to you, of course, but I'd say not. You could give something more subtly and not relate it directly to exam success - that's what we did. Then, if they make a huge effort but still don't get the desired result, you can still reward them.

If you are financially able, and she is motivated well by money (as you stated) then absolutely why not!
If I'd have had this incentive before I took my GCSE's I'd actually have tried. I had no incentive and no motivation at all and did pretty badly overall!
Go for it!

Yeah I've no problem with bribery for my children

No a problem

You've gotta do what you've gotta do

I do incentivise, but not with those amounts and then top up with a bonus for effort so it’s not all about grades. We also had a nice meal out.
I also incentivise chores, tidy rooms etc…. Because we don’t give weekly pocket money.

My child needs to do good for their own future and benefit and now at 15 is slowly getting that, doing good only because they are being paid makes no sense to me so I wouldn't pay

I completely agree that I would have preferred my child to have been motivated by the desire to achieve, but it was clear by Year 10 that she wasn't interested in school and was very lazy with her school work. We knew what she was capable of but she wouldn't have got anywhere near the results she ended up with without a significant financial incentive. I was exactly the same at her age and was far more interested in my social life and understood exactly how she was behaving. If she hadn't got the grades she did, but had worked really hard, I would have still rewarded her to acknowledge her effort, but she didn't know that.

I don't know.

All I do know is that I had to tell my parents to congratulate me after my GCSEs. They said they knew I'd do well and there was no point in praising me because I got what they thought I should have (11 at grades A* to B. Some of the best results in the year). They literally said they would not be doing anything to celebrate. That response baffled me.

I think some form of incentive would have made me feel like my parents at least were invested in my education.

Only non academic families do this in my experience.

Also GCSEs do matter if you are doing a competitive academic course like law. There are so many good candidates they are looking for ways to weed you out.

She's a lazy so and so though!

And giving her money for what she should’ve doing (her best) won’t change her attitude. Unless you are planning on giving her wads of cash whenever she she should be pulling her finger out, it’s a very short term ‘possible’ solution to a longer term problem. Throwing money at problems rarely work in the longer term.

Can you reward the revision hours rather than the grades. That way she won't feel like a failure if she doesn't achieve.