AIBU to off DD financial reward for GCSE grades?

[BlackBean2023]

DD is going into y11 and last year I made a deal with her- every 9 gets £200, every 8 £100 and every 7 £50 (she's at a selective school- straight 7-9s not unusual). I've doubled the amount as a motivator for Spanish and chemistry where she's not trying and currently predicted a 5.

She told my SIL yesterday who said it's out of order but would tell me why she thought so. AIBU? I can afford it and DD is motivated by money. The grades are reasonable and obtainable for her.

SIL doesn't have teenagers so it's not a cousin comparison thing..

I think there are studies that show that if you reward extrinsically (e.g. money) when someone enjoys doing something (learning/revising) the result is that the person comes to think it's not enjoyable anymore and so the intrinsic motivation might disappear.

Interesting conversation though as if you have a child who is not intrinsically motivated, perhaps a reward is worth giving. But, as someone else said on here, perhaps do that on the effort (I think most schools give out effort grades) and trying your hardest.

For what it's worth, the 'always try your hardest', I do agree with to an extent but I also think this, more than anything, creates perfectionists. Perhaps you don't always have to try your hardest in absolutely everything!

What, that in good performance gets rewarded in life?

Lazy and extreme. Yeah, that probably is a fair description of my mother. Married at 17, four under 5s by 21.

I grew up being told education had no value whatsoever. The peak of achievement for girls was hairdressing or shop work for a couple of years - anything else was getting ideas above your station.

Lazy and extreme. Yeah, that probably is a fair description of my mother. Married at 17, four under 5s by 21.

I grew up being told education had no value whatsoever. The peak of achievement for girls was hairdressing or shop work for a couple of years - anything else was getting ideas above your station.

Yes but that's your mother, I would guess that very very few of us on here would say that to our children. It doesn't mean that you have to go to the opposite extreme and tell your child that educational achievement is everything.

I am expecting to get a roasting for this. My children put in a lot of effort for their exams. I gave them something for their effort not the result. However, as parents we put in a lot of effort too. We led by example. We did not go out or have friends round while they were revising. We did not put the television on for ourselves. When we were not working we were available to test them. You can test children even if you know nothing about the subject if you have the answers in front of you.

I personally wouldn't do it that way around (for the reasons other people mentioned) but it's up to you.

My parents did buy me a present after my GCSE results as a reward (which was a surprised, I didn't know they would in advance, the motivation was to achieve good results) - I mean, I did get good results and to a certain extent that was expected in my family growing up, mum was a teacher and dad a lecturer so we were given lots of support with schoolwork but were expected to work hard, but I think they would have given me a present as a reward regardless of my actual results, if I had worked hard and tried my best.

Oh I helped DD to practise her Spanish speaking exam, not sure how useful it was with my atrocious Spanish accent (last studied Spanish 40 years ago)!

Lots of praise is just as much an extrinsic reward as money.

It’s not something I’ve done for my children. My children see their parents work hard and understand that to have a nice lifestyle which they’ve be Coe. Accustomed to they need to work hard for it. I tell my children and stepchild that it’s their life and they’ll get out of it what they put in. Work hard and you’ll get results to be successful. Motivation enough should be that desire to work hard and achieve success. If they mess up the consequences are on them. Let them be accountable for their actions. We’ve just had a successful set of a levels and GCSEs in this house, not straight 9s or A’s but some really solid good results which they aimed for to move into their next stages in life if a levels and uni. Surely the reward is in the achievement and hopefully success you make of your life. Mummy and daddy can’t be there to helicopter parent forever.

id rather reward for trying their best giving it their all
or even just reward for getting through it

once my daughter did her 11+
i took her out of school for a day told then we were having a mental health day and off we went to a theme park

i feel like offering that kind of incentive can put a lot of pressure on then because they want the money
but do you really want her to burn out trying to get there

Wow, that's dedicated. You didn't watch TV whilst they were in their revision period or have a life basically? What is the plan once they go to uni?
We do/did support but I've never been the parent to insist on testing them unless they seek it out themselves. I also hear so many parents who 'help' with homework (not implying you did btw, this is a separate issue). It's cheating in my book but each to their own.

That's supposed to say 'help with their assessed coursework'.

I gave my DS a sum of money after his results.

We had joked about it prior so he was chuffed as I don't think he was expecting it.

It wasn't dependant on certain grades though and would have been the same amount regardless.

It was a reward for his hard work.

I'll be giving his sister the same amount when she does hers.

Life is hard enough. I would rather that my DC got the GCSE's that they need first time round and learned that hard work is rewarded.

You know your kid.

You say she's capable and it's a motivation issue. She's motivated by cash. Welcome to the world to everyone else! Seems a sensible decision to support her to get the grades she will need to keep feeding that cash interest she has ie get a good job!

People pick jobs based on motivations. I'm not motivated by money and could earn more with the skills I have in a different field. But I am also a pragmatist. I don't feel high and mighty because I earn less than money motivated friends who do less senior roles in more corporate environments. I recognise I get my motivations and they get there's. It doesn't make you a better or worst person.

It's no different than paying for a tutor. In fact it's more real world. No one is going to get a tutor later in life to artificially inflate their output in relation to what everyone else gets in the workplace. Your daughter will get the opportunity to increase the amount of cash in her bank account in future based on the choices she makes. Go for it.

Hard work isn't always rewarded though and they might learn that instead.

I did this for my son, as a motivational thing. It was aimed at the grades he was capable of getting rather that grades out of his reach IYSWIM. It worked, and he was thrilled at achieving his grades and with the dosh!

Hard work isn't always rewarded though and they might learn that instead.

Oh come on. Work produces money.

Most of the stuff I’ve read around this topic concludes that paying for grades (or other things) actually decreases effectiveness.

I didn’t pay for grades. I also didn’t pay pocket money for jobs around the house.

My children got their pocket money regardless, it was a benefit of being part of the family, and sharing our disposable income.

They also had assigned tasks to do daily/weekly, which was also being part of the family and sharing in the necessary upkeep of our home.

Their schoolwork was for their benefit, and we encouraged them as best we were able, celebrating their successes and supporting them through overcoming their challenges.

I don’t say anything, but I do judge someone who resorts to bribery over anything else.

Life is hard enough. I would rather that my DC got the GCSE's that they need first time round and learned that hard work is rewarded.

Life is hard enough so they need resilience to deal with it and sometimes that means learning from failure or disappointment whether it is due to their own laziness or circumstances beyond their control.

Most of the stuff I’ve read around this topic concludes that paying for grades (or other things) actually decreases effectiveness.

I didn’t pay for grades. I also didn’t pay pocket money for jobs around the house.

My children got their pocket money regardless, it was a benefit of being part of the family, and sharing our disposable income.

They also had assigned tasks to do daily/weekly, which was also being part of the family and sharing in the necessary upkeep of our home.

Their schoolwork was for their benefit, and we encouraged them as best we were able, celebrating their successes and supporting them through overcoming their challenges.

I don’t say anything, but I do judge someone who resorts to bribery over anything else.

Yes I think that sums up my view.

My parents did for me and I got almost all a* and a couple of as and got into all the units I applied for and had a great summer spending the money on fun and a new wardrobe for 6th form!

Not always though and this might apply to their exams i.e. they might work really hard but still not get good grades.

Which they will still learn if they have a financial incentive to revise, and pass or fail.

Which they will still learn if they have a financial incentive to revise, and pass or fail.

Plus they'll learn that Mummy and Daddy didn't think they were worth that extra £50 that they would have got if they'd just got one/two/three grades higher.