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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
DuploTrain · 25/08/2023 08:18

Reading this has given me the rage on your behalf OP!

It’s very odd how it hasn’t crossed her mind that maybe you want to relax too…

Hope you have a lovely relaxing day today

Ohthatsabitshit · 25/08/2023 08:25

The towel thing doesn’t bother me nearly as much as asking you to go and get her a drink. It’s really wet very unusual behaviour

Barfvader · 25/08/2023 08:25

Don't be afraid to tell her that you took yourself off as YOU needed to relax too and couldn't rest with all the demands she was putting on you.

Original poster
Grabhands · 25/08/2023 08:27

Some of your responses have made me laugh

It's all inclusive with a wrist band place. So no cost to get anything, it's also very much self service , not high end just cheap and cheerful

So at meal times, water is put on table, if you.need additional cutlery , there is a big cutlery station etc , all condiments are wrapped individual sachets and you just help yourself from another station

Its not personal on her part, she is always grabbing a waiter and asking him to get her condiments etc , another spoon, whereas the set up is help yourself

I blame her parents, sure she wasn't like this a few years ago!

OP posts:
PeggyPiglet · 25/08/2023 08:27

I'm reading all this in absolute disbelief.
I mean, I can be a bit lazy but this is another level!

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/08/2023 08:28

😵‍💫

Original poster
Grabhands · 25/08/2023 08:30

Ohthatsabitshit · 25/08/2023 08:25

The towel thing doesn’t bother me nearly as much as asking you to go and get her a drink. It’s really wet very unusual behaviour

Yes for me that was when I had enough

I had just fetched her a burger and fries as I was going to the snack bar and there was a queue so I was like ok, I'm going anyway

OP posts:
Instinct1 · 25/08/2023 08:33

Ask her if her legs are painted on!

HB1974 · 25/08/2023 08:34

Well done for saying no OP.

She sounds like an absolute nightmare!

HB1974 · 25/08/2023 08:36

CircleofWillis · 25/08/2023 07:49

This is so mind bogglingly odd that my only conclusion is that she is either an imaginary friend or a ghost and so can't actually get any of these things for herself. Watch her carefully for the next few days. When she talks to other people, do they talk back? Can she actually pick up and carry the things you get for her? Do people tend to sit on top of her if there is no towel on her chair?

Lolll

ginslinger · 25/08/2023 08:36

I'd be very breezy and say something like 'It must be your turn to collect drinks from the bar today? I'll have a large white wine'

rookiemere · 25/08/2023 08:41

She sounds like the Jennifer Coolidge character in The White Lotus, but you aren't her PA or staff.

Enjoy your solo day today OP.

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 25/08/2023 08:46

It's a shame that your friend is such a disappointing, lazy, selfish arsehole but you've done the right thing by taking yourself off. You'll have a more relaxing day without her.

She obviously doesn't take hints, so if she starts her nonsense again tell her - calmly, if possible - exactly what you've told us. You've already decided to ditch the friendship, so who cares if she takes the huff? It can't make the rest of the holiday any more uncomfortable for you, but it might do for her. She might even get the message this time!

Have a lovely day and enjoy the rest of your holiday x

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 25/08/2023 08:47

rookiemere · 25/08/2023 08:41

She sounds like the Jennifer Coolidge character in The White Lotus, but you aren't her PA or staff.

Enjoy your solo day today OP.

This is spot on - made me laugh out loud 🤣

InMySpareTime · 25/08/2023 08:52

If you're getting food for her because of the queue, give her a simultaneous task:

"I'll get our burgers while you sort our drinks and get cutlery, that'll give us both more time to relax"

If she's waiting until you get up to ask you for stuff, put headphones in and "don't hear" her request. Move away quickly so she can't grab you.

Ohthatsabitshit · 25/08/2023 08:54

i really want her to be OPs imaginary friend/ghost.

DontYouThreatenMeWithADeadFish · 25/08/2023 08:55

LookItsMeAgain · 25/08/2023 08:15

I'm carrying on reading your posts and got to this point in one of them @Grabhands "Can't just collect one beach towel, so rude!!!!! Like to though" and I'm thinking you most certainly can. You can turn her selfishness back on her by saying "Oh, I thought after you only got one towel for yourself yesterday, that we were only looking after getting our own towels for ourselves, not for each other too."

Play her at her own game!

It's supposed to be a relaxing holiday not some playground feud.

Several years ago I went on a group ski holiday involving a self catering chalet. We had all done similar trips in the past and they had worked well as everyone pitched in with shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. On this particular trip one of the guys had brought his girlfriend of about 6 months, we had all met her and she had seemed nice enough. Unfortunately she thought self catering was what others did, along with never going to the bar, general laziness, wanting others to carry her ski gear, fetch her lunch on the mountain, carry her bags etc. It was funny for the first few days in a 'are you for real' kind of way but she was called out on it on day three. No big fight, no massive argument, just a direct 'you need to pull your weight as everyone is getting a bit fed up' it worked as she was good as gold after that but it was so very odd how she thought she could behave that way to begin with.

Shinyandnew1 · 25/08/2023 08:56

EdieLedwell · 25/08/2023 08:07

Next time she asks just say "which part of get it yourself don't you understand?"

If she says "but I'm relaxing!"

"Same"

This.

If she says, ‘I don’t you don’t mind’, say-‘I do actually!’.

Her behaviour is really shitty.

chaosmaker · 25/08/2023 08:56

YABU for not calling her out on her entitled behaviour as soon as it started. Apart from that I'd find a new friend to hang out with, but I'm like that.

BMW6 · 25/08/2023 08:58

I think she thinks she is some sort of Princess.

I think she is doing this absolutely deliberately to feed her "I'm a Princess" fantasy.

I soooo wish you would tell her to fuck off and fetch her own food, drink, whatever because she isn't a Princess and never will be!

DNAwrangler · 25/08/2023 08:59

Seems… odd.

how good a friend? Was she like this before?

If she were my friend, and she didn’t used to be this way, I’d actually be quite worried that something was wrong. Not sure what exactly. But it is weird behavior, especially to carry on once you’ve pointed it out.

if you want to save your friendship you could ask her if she’s ok / how she is?

rookiemere · 25/08/2023 09:00

@DontYouThreatenMeWithADeadFish yes we had a girls holiday with someone like that.

I didn't particularly like her anyway as she was normally quite high maintenance. Whilst away she expected everyone else to order and pay for her lunch - never asked me as she knew what the answer would be Grin. One time we were in the bar and as she had disappeared off to the toilets- as she usually did when anything involving money happened- we set up a kitty and asked for her share when she got back. She started huffing and puffing about how ridiculous it was for such a small amount, but eventually paid up.

We also let her burn on the beach when she fell asleep one day. That sounds mean when I say it, but she was very much expecting others to be responsible for her.

Iheartbobross · 25/08/2023 09:01

ginslinger · 25/08/2023 08:36

I'd be very breezy and say something like 'It must be your turn to collect drinks from the bar today? I'll have a large white wine'

Yeah, taking yourself off for a day is a good idea - then try a different approach. Almost laugh it off and tell her she must have rested enough for it to be her turn by now to be the lacky. Lighthearted digs but don't fetch another thing for her!

Original poster
Grabhands · 25/08/2023 09:07

Thanks everyone

PP got it right, as soon as I get up, she will normally request something, from the room, from the bar , so head phones and forgetfulness is a good plan

If I'm going somewhere anyway I don't mind.fetching her a plate of food or a drink, saves both of us queuing, but again it's never reciprocated

Nothing wrong with her, I just think her parents have spoilt her over the last few years, she is early 40s so not a teenager

OP posts:
JenWillsiam · 25/08/2023 09:07

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 22:26

Food for thought , forgive the pun!

No, she is not anxious socially at all, very much life of the party.

Had dinner tonight, I went to bar and got us both a drink at the outset, and said I didn't want another one when she asked about getting another, she didn't go herself so sat with empty glass.

I did repeat I didn't like other people taking food off my plate and that didn't happen tonight. She did point to one thing and say what's that, could you get me some, I just said maybe later I wanted to finish my meal and didn't do it.

I don't think we will be going away again, after dinner she asked me to get her a coffee from bar, I just said I didn't feel like going to the bar.

As she’s your friend I think you need to ask her directly. This is really odd behaviour, the fact that she is opting to go without if you won’t go does suggest anxiety. And the moving home thing could be linked. Ask her. Nicely.