To think my friend is treating me like her maid

[Grabhands]

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

Wow she sounds really odd. I almost wonder if she doesn't actually realise what she is like? It's perhaps her parents do everything for her and she just now has it deeply engrained.
She needs a wake-up call fast!

Sounds like some sort of dominance behaviour to me. V weird!

She knows EXACTLY what she's doing! You're giving her the benefit of the doubt because you're not an arsehole and couldn't imagine behaving in that way. It's all a power play to her.

Don't get her towel. Say no to any attempts to send you to the bar for drinks. Better yet, just get your own and say you 'forgot' what she wanted. As long as you're still doing some jobs for her, she'll continue pushing her luck. If she was male, I'd think you were on holiday with my ex 🤣

I'm normally very against petty/passive aggressive behaviour but in this situation I would definitely be bringing backthe wrong things. Full fat coke when she wanted diet/pork when she asked for chicken/a fruit scone when she wanted a chocolate muffin. Either that or go back to the table with your things and say "they didn't have any" if challenged "ohhhh, i walked right past them!"

I've learnt from watching others that nobody seems to kick off at incompetence the way they do when you directly say no/point blank refuse. So people who will sulk when told no, if i cant avoid them I just do a deliberately bad job so they dont ask me again (aka the British Married Man Tactic)

You need to be blunt, direct to the point its the only way. This friendship is over regardless.

Sorry I didn't write the above but really agree with it.

I've gone for break fast solo rather than wait till she gets up, going to get myself a towel and sit by the pool not the beach.

Sent her a WhatsApp and said beach too hot for me today, catch her later.

I think she is oblivious, not a power play, just lazy and entitled

I have a book, and will relax today with my head phones in!

Thanks everyone

Do you think she has anxiety over talking to new people? My husband will always try to make me ask shop assistants etc questions. He manages just fine in his working life (I’m assume), just if I’m there he’ll get me to.

I’m not trying to excuse her frankly ridiculous behaviour but you have to wonder. I’d definitely be using some of the tactics you already are and other posters have suggested.

I think you missed your chance when she said “I know you don’t mind” to put your foot down and make it clear that you DO! So what if she needs a break, so do you, that’s what holidays are for.

She only got one towel so why do you think it’s rude of you to do exactly the same as she did?

No, she is not socially anxious at all, loves talking to people!

So you're running from the problem and hoping it will go away? Doesn't sound relaxing to me

She sounds so entitled. I’d push back and say I do mind and this my holiday too. I did not come as your personal waitress and will get you nothing until you stop trying to use me and see this as an equal friendship.

This is so mind bogglingly odd that my only conclusion is that she is either an imaginary friend or a ghost and so can't actually get any of these things for herself. Watch her carefully for the next few days. When she talks to other people, do they talk back? Can she actually pick up and carry the things you get for her? Do people tend to sit on top of her if there is no towel on her chair?

I think this. Forget making passive aggressive remarks or actions, just directly ask her in a polite manner as to why she expects others to wait on her as you find it very odd behaviour.

Thanks, 3 nights to go and I'm just going to take myself off for the day.

I don't want a confrontation whilst we are abroad and sharing a room, be very awkward

And despite saying twice now I'm not going to keep going to the bar , tea place etc constantly for her , it has not sunk in!

We won't be catching up again !

Sounds like you started out on this holiday acting like her maid so she is running with that! Some people can't be given an inch......

I'd either laugh any future attempts off ("Get up off your lardy arse, you lazy b.!") or go the first time, drink REALLY quickly, then ask her to get the next round!

Next time she asks just say "which part of get it yourself don't you understand?"

If she says "but I'm relaxing!"

"Same"

Point out to her that it is your holiday quite as much as it is hers and that you are not maid service. If she wants a drink she can get it herself

She's an inconsiderate, selfish, lazy madam!

I do hope that you pointed out that you had collected fresh towels for both of you up to that point @Grabhands and for her to only get herself a towel has shown that she is a very selfish and inconsiderate person.

I can't see this friendship lasting beyond the holiday (if it even lasts that long).

@Grabhands I would of been sending her up for a new plate of food for me for taking of my plate never mind, hate people who touch my food, buy over all yell her just no, it's an answer on its own and does not need explaining.

No need for confrontation but as she clearly doesn't get it just do the same back to her. She should realise how entitled she's being (hopefully!)

I'm carrying on reading your posts and got to this point in one of them @Grabhands "Can't just collect one beach towel, so rude!!!!! Like to though" and I'm thinking you most certainly can. You can turn her selfishness back on her by saying "Oh, I thought after you only got one towel for yourself yesterday, that we were only looking after getting our own towels for ourselves, not for each other too."

Play her at her own game!

Good for you OP, just keep your boundaries firm with her and don’t give in