To think my friend is treating me like her maid

[Grabhands]

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

You're sharing a room. You're on holiday. You don't wan some playground style confrontation.

I think her not getting you a towel would send me over!!!

Either tell her simple, straight with no aggression. "Look I'm not here to run errands, you need to do your share. " Big smile.

Or go full passive aggressive. Wrong drink, wrong food, ( obvs only when you're going anyway ) Oops, oh dear, big smile. Oh sorry they didn't have ice. Oh dear I thought it was slimline! Oh soz I though it was the mild curry. Big smile. They've probably got something else up there if you go quickly ..,,

Make sure to enjoy your holiday. Deep breath. A step back. Put yourself first.

Tell her that she needs to keep her hands off your plate and that you don’t appreciate being treated like a skivvy so if she wants something, to get it herself. Point out that it’s your holiday too and you’re now thinking she’s not much of a friend if she can’t respect that.

She sounds completely bonkers! I say that as someone who hates queuing and getting drinks etc!

What is going on in her life that she needs to relax so much to the point of not being able to move? Plus if she wants a nightcap or coffee she is actually not getting one just because she can’t be bothered to move?Very weird.

Next time she asks just laugh and say no.

Was on a camping trip once and one girl wouldn’t lift a finger. She and a couple of others in different circumstances are on my shit list. I am not your effing pa. Totally feel for you on this. Bizarre behaviour on her part

I'm about to have serious words with her

She has found me by the pool, sat down and realised she has left her sun lotion in the room, has just asked me if I'm going back to the room soon and could I get it for her. Asked me if I got a towel for her, No, thought she was on beach today and now huffing as she didn't bring her old towel or the towel card with her as quote grabhands you normally do that

Flip it on her and start asking her as many things as she asks you. She will soon realise.

I can be nervous in this sort of situation.

Would be OK say going to get stuff at the same time.

Might not want to do initial "run" alone iyswim.

Also wouldn't want to get someone else's meal & have too full/heavy a tray!

The not getting you a towel is just mean & obviously nothing to do with being nervous though!

Just selfish!

She's nuts. Just tell her straight. Big smile.
Sunnies on, earphones on , eye shut. Relax.

I think she is mistaking your holiday for a 5 star luxury retreat and you are her personal valet! What a bloody nerve. I would be having very serious words with her and say that she has ruined your holiday.

She's lazy and selfish. It's a simple as that

She sounds completely mental.

She is lazy and selfish at least on this holiday

I have just said , I am here to relax and not keep doing her errands , she needs to pull her weight for the next few days

She pursed her lips into a cats bum and stropped off, as she has left her room key card behind by mistake I suspect she will be back shortly though

Head phones and ereader time

I think you need to jokingly say, gosh you can tell you live at home with your parents doing stuff for you, unfortunately you want a rest too, and you’re not her parents!!

Perfect! You get peace for the rest of the day. Hopefully.

Well done you!

Has she come back looking for her room key yet? 😂

She's forgotten her stuff, my answer would be 'oh, well you'll need to go back to the room then'
I'd also think of something for her to bring of yours. It might help hit home for her when it's the other way round.
I'd just be very straight with her.
Nope, I'm not doing all the drinks & food runs. I can be very stubborn. If she wants food let her get it.
If you carry on you've only got yourself to blame as she's made it obvious how she expects to be waited on.
Enjoy your day, don't give in to any requests! Relaxxxxxxx

Wow. She sounds quite spoilt and entitled to your labour. Think she needs to be reminded bluntly that this is your holiday, too, and she's taking the piss with her treating you like her personal runner/servant attitude.

Maybe it’s the opposite of her parents doing everything for her - maybe they expect her to do everything for them in return for letting her stay, so now she wants to be waited on, instead. Regardless, it’s pathetic to behave like an overgrown baby and I would have no qualms in telling her so.

I have a friend who can be like this. It's like they don't even realise. And then I always end up seeming like the arsey friend that calls her out on it. (Obvs we're still friends because she has other redeeming qualities, but in some situations that spoilt brat side comes out)

It's good you told her, you need to enjoy your holiday too. Hopefully she won't be in a strop for long and you can just have a laugh over drinks later (that YOU don't have to fetch)

No-one needs to relax so much that they can’t move at all. She sounds very strange.

Its not personal on her part, she is always grabbing a waiter and asking him to get her condiments etc , another spoon, whereas the set up is help yourself

OMG! And do they get them for her, or do they say “They are just over there, madam”?

Because she is a right bloody madam!

After your last update, maybe it’s time time to say something like: “I can see you were upset when I told you you needed to pull your weight. The thing is, I came away with you as a friend, so we could enjoy spending time together. And unless you’ve got some health issue that you haven’t told me about, I can’t see any reason why you would assume it’s OK for me to do all the running around while you do nothing. So - either start treating me like an equal and do your fair share so we can go back to having the fun time I was expecting - or explain yourself.”

Some people interpret a sign of kindness as a sign of weakness.

So for example I would be pleased my friend had got the towel for me, and I'd make sure to go up and get the morning coffees or whatever to make it reciprocal.

But your "friend " seems to have interpreted it as you being her personal dogsbody. I'm glad you said something, maybe turn it into a bit of a joke to try to get through the rest of the holiday.

Well done for challenging her OP, that's the hard part done. Now just stick to your guns and don't fetch ANYTHING for her, even if you're getting something for yourself.

If she offers to fetch something for you both I may then reciprocate, but definitely not until she's done it first from now on.

If she says "can you get me.... " just reply no, its your turn.

Loving this keep the updates flowing!

Yes exactly this !

I always offer , if I am going to the bar as you.just do, but that has become.for her , the right to ask me to get everything even if I'm not going

I assumed that she was waited on by her parents at home and that's why she is like this but it maybe she wants on them and now wants same for herself , unsure