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Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 25/08/2023 01:08

Did she pay for your holiday?
why does she particularly need a rest?
I confess it’s so bonkers I’m fascinated.

momonpurpose · 25/08/2023 01:10

Ohthatsabitshit · 24/08/2023 23:52

Wow, she’s seriously odd.

Yep! At this point OP you need to be firm and direct. I'm here to relax not be your servant. Or simply get it yourself next time she asks

Totallyterrific · 25/08/2023 01:33

Shes taking you for a fool. Saying no to her wouldnt be petty it would be standing up to her behaving like a princess. Id have been saying no from the third time onwards of her asking - even if you are going to the bar anyway. You arent her staff.

AliceOlive · 25/08/2023 03:08

maddening · 24/08/2023 23:38

When she says she needs a break do point out you both do and you are both on holiday.

Or just be over the top “Oh, I totally know what you mean!! I’m so happy to relax. Blah blah blah.”

I know OP is too mature for this but it’s fun to imagine the OOT things you could say.”

billy1966 · 25/08/2023 03:20

Sounds like absolute hell.

It would be a blanket no from me to any further requests.

I would be heading off on my own with a book.

Life is too short and she has shown herself to be someone that is best avoided going forward.

AllotmentTime · 25/08/2023 03:47

Try treating her as you would a child, particularly if you have DC. She's acting like one. Make that mental switch and it will be easier to casually tell her off "err no you've got your own legs lazybones" "you need to take a turn at doing this". Might help you give less of a fuck about telling the cheeky bitch off.

user1492757084 · 25/08/2023 04:17

Stop doing so much for for her.
Ask, "Are you getting the towels this time?".
Politely look after your selves.
You could feign having a tummy upset to stop her touching your food.

Good on you for speaking plainly about her treating you like a maid. Would you both enjoy taking it in turns being the maid?
Would she be up for that?

Someoneonlyyouknow · 25/08/2023 04:45

You need to be more direct and less of a pushover. I know you are being reasonable but getting anything for her when you are getting your own towel/drink/dessert/sunglasses is just reinforcing her lazy and disrespectful behaviour. You need to be asking her first to do things for you. If you've stood up to get food or drink and she gives you her order then sit down again and give her your request "Your turn today I think". It sounds like you're only saying no by replyng you don't want another drink etc but ask her to get you one whether you want it or not

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/08/2023 04:56

She sounds like a lazy thoughtless cow...

My best friend and I have holidayed together a few times - we're both wheelchair users, we can stand and take a few steps but it is painful.

At home - she's in a really small flat, on her own but everything is set up so it is to hand..

At my home, its not that accessible but I have my partner who is my carer, so he fetches the things that live in places I can't reach.

First holiday together - I asked her to fetch me something, she laughed at me and told me to fuck off, I laughed, we both realised we'd have to figure this out... and did.

So if one of us went across the room for something, we'd check if anything needed bringing over.

If one of us was moving stuff around, the other would remind not to abandon said item across the other side of the lodge.

By two hours into day 1 we'd got it sussed!

So thats two people not used to having to fetch stuff as it is either to hand and easily accessible or there is someone to fetch it, who can sort that out in a short time frame so as not to piss each other off.

Your 'dear' friend is a lazy fucker.

pinkfondu · 25/08/2023 05:02

The towel thing is a crossed line. She's counting on you being too polite to refuse to do as she asks and was trying to manipulate you into compliance by being a mardy cow about it. She's not going to get this subtle message.

Autieangel · 25/08/2023 05:29

The being lazy is annoying but not getting you a towel is really rude

Yetanothernewname101 · 25/08/2023 05:39

You've tried the fairly subtle approach and a bit more of a direct approach, and she still thinks if she nags enough you'll just now to her demands.
For the last 4 days of your holiday you need to go off and do something by yourself that is going to keep your blood pressure down, and something that you'll enjoy.
And when you are with her, do the stuck record of 'you can fend for yourself' thing. She clearly doesn't actually need or want these things that she's asking you to get for her, so it's about her putting you back in your place as the less important person.

WedRine · 25/08/2023 06:04

Are you all inclusive? I'm wondering if she's expecting you to foot the bill if not?

Fraaahnces · 25/08/2023 06:38
no way do not want GIF by CBC

“What did your last slave die of?”

maria2bela1 · 25/08/2023 06:44

Honestly, you just need to be upfront and say you've got an issue with the constant demands, and that anytime she's asks you to go to the bar, you won't be going!

friedgoldeggs · 25/08/2023 06:56

I feel so annoyed on your behalf OP! What a lazy person, either she knows exactly what she's doing and she's now pushing boundaries to see if you'll crack, or she really is completely oblivious. Shock Hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holidays though; she sounds a total pain!

Naimee87 · 25/08/2023 07:00

She sounds like a child. Taking food off your plate with her hands that’s a huge no-go… and demanding you get her drinks. I’d seriously be telling her to do one actually if i wanted that kind of a holiday i’d have gone with kids/teens. Go eat without her sounds like it would be a much more enjoyable experience.

Thehippowife · 25/08/2023 07:10

Say no to everything. It’s now your public duty to inform this entitled moron that she doesn’t have slaves.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 25/08/2023 07:13

Get your own towel today, if she says anything say 'oh I'm sorry, I thought after yesterday you'd prefer we got our own towels' and then make sure you're busy tomorrow to see if she gets you one as well

Dustybarn · 25/08/2023 07:14

No towel for Lazygirl today. Time to be direct and try to salvage the holiday. Sit her down and say “I have been looking so forward to spending time with you but you are ruining it by treating me like a servant. A friendship should be equal, so why do you think it’s okay to expect me to do everything? This is really affecting our friendship and it needs to stop.” She will no doubt say “I thought you didn’t mind” or something like that. Then you need to stand firm. If you do this then it may clear the air, otherwise you have days of tension ahead of you.

LegalAdviceNeededPlease123 · 25/08/2023 07:16

If she ask again just parrot herself back: you need a break, are here to relax and yes, you do mind. After that just say no.

And yes, don't get her a towel as she obviously presets to get her own and they ate only "over there".

Honee · 25/08/2023 07:16

I would ask what her last slave died of. On repeat until she realises that you've not her next one.

Proudgypsy · 25/08/2023 07:17

Stop beating around the bush and tell her you're supposed to be having a relaxing time too and you don't appreciate her thinking you're her slave.

frumpalertt · 25/08/2023 07:20

I have a friend like this - you need to set some very firm boundaries. They will ultimately react positively to them after a bit of huffing.

Poppins2016 · 25/08/2023 07:20

We are sharing a room, I did gently say something earlier, and she just repeated she really needed a break and to relax and she knows I don't mind?

I think I'd turn it around and say that you're also really needing a break and to relax, so surely she doesn't mind sharing 50% of the work as you're both in the same position?

...and after that, if I was feeling bold/extra pissed off, I'd resort to "no, I'm not your maid, why do you think I am"?

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