Page 35 | To think my friend is treating me like her maid

Grabhands · 2023-08-24T18:35:43+00:00

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med. Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk. At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own! She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that. When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things. Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go. I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate. She is now very offended and huffing and puffing! Am I being a cow?

MMorales · 31/08/2023 21:32

Glad you're back

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 31/08/2023 21:55

Zonder · 31/08/2023 20:15

I don't know how she can not say anything!

Guilty conscience!

AliceOlive · 31/08/2023 22:10

Glad you are home and it’s all behind you!

uncomfortablydumb53 · 31/08/2023 22:21

I'm glad you and your sanity are home intact!

Yetanothernewname101 · 31/08/2023 23:14

Glad you got home okay and that you had selective hearing on Monday. Think she's realised as she didn't ask you again :-)

nettie434 · 31/08/2023 23:35

Glad you got home ok Grabhands and that you managed to avoid being back in the same situation of fetching and carrying while waiting for your flight.

SquirrelSoShiny · 31/08/2023 23:50

I don't think for a second that she has a guilty conscience. Polite and formal is her saying she has the moral highground because her holiday companion left their shared hotel / holiday without a word.

You're home at least OP. There will always be cheeky fuckers and running away won't always be an option. If you ask yourself some questions about why you are so conflict avoidant you'll probably get some interesting insights. Maybe you already know why.

Good luck!

T1Dmama · 01/09/2023 08:39

I honestly don’t think I’d even bother messaging her….. if she doesn’t already know then she’s clearly oblivious to the world !
Think I’d get more satisfaction just blocking her on all social media and forgetting she exists!
If mutual friends ask send them to this thread or simply just tell them about her cheek….
Im glad you’re home now, almost a whole week late… torture

sunglassesonthetable · 01/09/2023 09:04

@Grabhands

Was she, you know, exhausted , from getting her own plates. towels, food?

vickylou78 · 01/09/2023 12:12

I'm curious Op. Why didn't you sit down with her before you decided to move out of the first hotel and have a conversation about why you were upset? I think most may have done that and if it couldn't be resolved move.

Is it because she has form for blowing up instead of sorting issues out with conversation?
I'm not having a go, just curious as I think I'd of just had a chat about it with her.

sodthesodoff · 01/09/2023 12:19

vickylou78 · 01/09/2023 12:12

I'm curious Op. Why didn't you sit down with her before you decided to move out of the first hotel and have a conversation about why you were upset? I think most may have done that and if it couldn't be resolved move.

Is it because she has form for blowing up instead of sorting issues out with conversation?
I'm not having a go, just curious as I think I'd of just had a chat about it with her.

Er she did?

Several times. At first she got a 'oh but I'm relaxing and I know you don't mind'

And then she simply pouted a cat's bum face and had a little strop

There's no reasoning with a cat bum face.

RampantIvy · 01/09/2023 12:23

I'm curious Op. Why didn't you sit down with her before you decided to move out of the first hotel and have a conversation about why you were upset?

She has, several times on many posts @vickylou78

I did gently say something earlier

I've given up and said I am going to sleep, we are in the room and its late and I cba to say anything, but I am not getting up to go to the bar and fetch nightcaps

And despite saying twice now I'm not going to keep going to the bar , tea place etc constantly for her , it has not sunk in!

I have just said , I am here to relax and not keep doing her errands , she needs to pull her weight for the next few days

Said I couldn't carry anything else and was too hot to go back again. She said I will have some pizza then, as she reached out to take a slice, I moved plate and said please don't touch my food. We have just had a row and I've been accused of being selfish and she is hungry and too tired to queue at snack bar

I've spoken to her a few times in the first few days and she gets stroppy and then her behaviour stays the same

I left a note in the room yesterday afternoon saying we were not getting on and I needed some space so I was staying elsewhere for the next 3 nights

vickylou78 · 01/09/2023 12:48

RampantIvy · 01/09/2023 12:23

I'm curious Op. Why didn't you sit down with her before you decided to move out of the first hotel and have a conversation about why you were upset?

She has, several times on many posts @vickylou78

I did gently say something earlier

I've given up and said I am going to sleep, we are in the room and its late and I cba to say anything, but I am not getting up to go to the bar and fetch nightcaps

And despite saying twice now I'm not going to keep going to the bar , tea place etc constantly for her , it has not sunk in!

I have just said , I am here to relax and not keep doing her errands , she needs to pull her weight for the next few days

Said I couldn't carry anything else and was too hot to go back again. She said I will have some pizza then, as she reached out to take a slice, I moved plate and said please don't touch my food. We have just had a row and I've been accused of being selfish and she is hungry and too tired to queue at snack bar

I've spoken to her a few times in the first few days and she gets stroppy and then her behaviour stays the same

I left a note in the room yesterday afternoon saying we were not getting on and I needed some space so I was staying elsewhere for the next 3 nights

My apologies - missed that!

PlacidPenelope · 01/09/2023 12:55

SquirrelSoShiny · 31/08/2023 23:50

I don't think for a second that she has a guilty conscience. Polite and formal is her saying she has the moral highground because her holiday companion left their shared hotel / holiday without a word.

You're home at least OP. There will always be cheeky fuckers and running away won't always be an option. If you ask yourself some questions about why you are so conflict avoidant you'll probably get some interesting insights. Maybe you already know why.

Good luck!

Re-writing history again @SquirrelSoShiny just so you can keep banging that drum about the OP being conflict avoidant.

Read RampantIvy's post instead of making up your own unique version of events.

Original poster

Grabhands · 01/09/2023 13:02

RampantIvy · 01/09/2023 12:23

I'm curious Op. Why didn't you sit down with her before you decided to move out of the first hotel and have a conversation about why you were upset?

She has, several times on many posts @vickylou78

I did gently say something earlier

I've given up and said I am going to sleep, we are in the room and its late and I cba to say anything, but I am not getting up to go to the bar and fetch nightcaps

And despite saying twice now I'm not going to keep going to the bar , tea place etc constantly for her , it has not sunk in!

I have just said , I am here to relax and not keep doing her errands , she needs to pull her weight for the next few days

Said I couldn't carry anything else and was too hot to go back again. She said I will have some pizza then, as she reached out to take a slice, I moved plate and said please don't touch my food. We have just had a row and I've been accused of being selfish and she is hungry and too tired to queue at snack bar

I've spoken to her a few times in the first few days and she gets stroppy and then her behaviour stays the same

I left a note in the room yesterday afternoon saying we were not getting on and I needed some space so I was staying elsewhere for the next 3 nights

Thank you!!!

I am wfh today and so so happy to be at home and weekend coming

Friend I haven't blocked yet, still deciding what if anything to say, but I am happy with decision I made now.

Won't see her again, and just so grateful to be home

OP posts:

Chickenkeev · 01/09/2023 13:06

PlacidPenelope · 01/09/2023 12:55

Re-writing history again @SquirrelSoShiny just so you can keep banging that drum about the OP being conflict avoidant.

Read RampantIvy's post instead of making up your own unique version of events.

Show quote history

Tbf, it would be no harm for OP to relect on the conflict avoidance. I'm the exact same so def no judgement. But really conflict is inevitable with someone as outrageously cheeky as this. It would be righteous conflict. So OP wouldn't have been in any way wrong. And yet we still avoid it. I think it's a good thing to be able to 'do' this kind of conflict. But i can't! But OP situation was fairly unique tbf. You can see why she said eff this and just left.

RampantIvy · 01/09/2023 13:07

Too many posters don't use the "see all" option on the bottom right hand corner of the OP's posts. I have no idea why it doesn't occur to them to do so.

I use this option this on a very long thread if I don't have time to read every post.

I'm glad you managed to get home without too much hassle from your holiday companion @Grabhands.

There seem to be quite a few threads this summer from posters who are on holiday or went on holiday with people who weren't who they thought they were, so you aren't alone.

Original poster

Grabhands · 01/09/2023 13:09

RampantIvy · 01/09/2023 13:07

Too many posters don't use the "see all" option on the bottom right hand corner of the OP's posts. I have no idea why it doesn't occur to them to do so.

I use this option this on a very long thread if I don't have time to read every post.

I'm glad you managed to get home without too much hassle from your holiday companion @Grabhands.

There seem to be quite a few threads this summer from posters who are on holiday or went on holiday with people who weren't who they thought they were, so you aren't alone.

Thanks, yes I read the one with person who arrived with 37pounds to last a weeks self catering last night and thought maybe its not just me !

OP posts:

AliceOlive · 01/09/2023 13:13

Chickenkeev · 01/09/2023 13:06

Tbf, it would be no harm for OP to relect on the conflict avoidance. I'm the exact same so def no judgement. But really conflict is inevitable with someone as outrageously cheeky as this. It would be righteous conflict. So OP wouldn't have been in any way wrong. And yet we still avoid it. I think it's a good thing to be able to 'do' this kind of conflict. But i can't! But OP situation was fairly unique tbf. You can see why she said eff this and just left.

Show quote history

What would it look like to you if OP had done what you are suggesting?

Chickenkeev · 01/09/2023 13:20

AliceOlive · 01/09/2023 13:13

What would it look like to you if OP had done what you are suggesting?

Show quote history

Just being able to say no at the time.

afrikat · 01/09/2023 13:23

RampantIvy · 01/09/2023 13:07

Too many posters don't use the "see all" option on the bottom right hand corner of the OP's posts. I have no idea why it doesn't occur to them to do so.

I use this option this on a very long thread if I don't have time to read every post.

I'm glad you managed to get home without too much hassle from your holiday companion @Grabhands.

There seem to be quite a few threads this summer from posters who are on holiday or went on holiday with people who weren't who they thought they were, so you aren't alone.

See all doesn't work on the android app

PlacidPenelope · 01/09/2023 13:24

Tbf, it would be no harm for OP to relect on the conflict avoidance. I'm the exact same so def no judgement. But really conflict is inevitable with someone as outrageously cheeky as this. It would be righteous conflict. So OP wouldn't have been in any way wrong. And yet we still avoid it. I think it's a good thing to be able to 'do' this kind of conflict. But i can't! But OP situation was fairly unique tbf. You can see why she said eff this and just left.

How, just how, after reading RampantIvy's collation of what the OP actually did in order to address the problem have you come to the conclusion that the OP avoided conflict @Chickenkeev ? What exactly are you suggesting the OP should have done? Do you seriously think the OP should have remained sharing a room where the atmosphere could have been cut with a knife or there would be constant arguing rather than go somewhere else and enjoy the rest of her holiday. Removing herself is not conflict avoidance as staying in those circumstances would be more akin to masochism.

AliceOlive · 01/09/2023 13:35

Chickenkeev · 01/09/2023 13:20

Just being able to say no at the time.

Show quote history

She said no once she wanted to do so. Many times. She didn’t mind until she noticed her friend was never reciprocating and expected to be served.

Do you really mean the OP should have yelled and curse?

Chickenkeev · 01/09/2023 13:40

AliceOlive · 01/09/2023 13:35

She said no once she wanted to do so. Many times. She didn’t mind until she noticed her friend was never reciprocating and expected to be served.

Do you really mean the OP should have yelled and curse?

Show quote history

I don't recall suggesting yelling and cursing? I just said saying no. I also said i understood why OP was finding it hard. No idea why you're making things up.

AliceOlive · 01/09/2023 13:51

Chickenkeev · 01/09/2023 13:40

I don't recall suggesting yelling and cursing? I just said saying no. I also said i understood why OP was finding it hard. No idea why you're making things up.

Show quote history

But she did say no. Multiple times. So it’s confusing to have people say “she should have said no”.