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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
Mylifesadrama · 27/08/2023 13:31

I’m with @Oysterbabe I wonder is she has anxiety about going to the bar etc. maybe you could ask her what the reason is why she won’t go. No need for sarcastic or passive aggressive digs. (Unless you later find out it’s just because she can’t be arsed of course).

KateReddy · 27/08/2023 13:48

I understand that you can’t always RTFT but surely you’d read the OP’s further posts before posting yourself. 🙄

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2023 13:48

My family and I all went on holiday together recently and we didn’t all eat together as I have a younger sister who barely eats due to gastric sleeve operation.
My sons that are 20 and 16 wouldn’t eat with us every meal either. They could go whenever they wanted.

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2023 13:49

My family and I all went on holiday together recently and we didn’t all eat together as I have a younger sister who barely eats due to gastric sleeve operation.
My sons that are 20 and 16 wouldn’t eat with us every meal either. They could go whenever they wanted.

But generally if there's just two of you you'd probably eat together.
^
Or did you eat alone?^

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2023 14:29

I’m with @Oysterbabe I wonder is she has anxiety about going to the bar etc. maybe you could ask her what the reason is why she won’t go. No need for sarcastic or passive aggressive digs. (Unless you later find out it’s just because she can’t be arsed of course).

If you read the OPs post you'll see she has no anxiety.

She's the life and soul type and is happy to go off to classes on her own.

Original poster
Grabhands · 27/08/2023 15:09

Have just had a message on whatsapp, nothing about me moving room, she has forgotten what we set room safe combination to, can I remind her.

Doesn't sound angry, quite breezy as some earlier posters said, so I expect flight back will be fine even if there are no spare seats and I have to sit in my allocated one next to her.

Her parents who I don't know, live about 200 miles from me at home, so no likelihood of bumping into her accidentally when I am back. When we first met she lived 10 minutes from me , quite different now.

Only a couple of mutual friends and I haven't decided if I will say anything to them at all about what happened

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 27/08/2023 15:22

She's completely incapable of going on holiday alone.
I know when I use the room safe on holiday, I always put the code into the notebook on my mobile. Why taf did she not do that?
You have the patience of a saint!

HowToSaveAWife · 27/08/2023 15:24

LookItsMeAgain · 27/08/2023 15:22

She's completely incapable of going on holiday alone.
I know when I use the room safe on holiday, I always put the code into the notebook on my mobile. Why taf did she not do that?
You have the patience of a saint!

Because she didn't have to. She had her skivvy OP to do that.

How odd @Grabhands that she hasn't even mentioned you changing hotels, that is incredible.

sunglassesonthetable · 27/08/2023 15:29

She's an odd one.

Original poster
Grabhands · 27/08/2023 15:31

HowToSaveAWife · 27/08/2023 15:24

Because she didn't have to. She had her skivvy OP to do that.

How odd @Grabhands that she hasn't even mentioned you changing hotels, that is incredible.

Show quote history

Yes I know, but I am relieved she sounded completely normal, as it will make tomorrow easier!

I had printed off the boarding passes for both of us and the transfer confirmations and I only took mine out of the safe when I was leaving so it sounds like she is packing.

OP posts:
TwinMama6 · 27/08/2023 15:37

Grabhands · 27/08/2023 15:31

Yes I know, but I am relieved she sounded completely normal, as it will make tomorrow easier!

I had printed off the boarding passes for both of us and the transfer confirmations and I only took mine out of the safe when I was leaving so it sounds like she is packing.

Show quote history

Grabhands, I have a distant cousin who was like a sister to me as kids, who only calls me when she needs money. If I call her or message she’ll never call back unless she needs something.
Every phone conversation is all about her and her life, if I try and tell her about something happening with me, she’ll do a u-turn back to her.

BacktoBeginnersFran · 27/08/2023 15:37

I would tell her I can't remember either. She seriously needs to grow up!!

CherryMaDeara · 27/08/2023 15:45

Grabhands · 27/08/2023 15:31

Yes I know, but I am relieved she sounded completely normal, as it will make tomorrow easier!

I had printed off the boarding passes for both of us and the transfer confirmations and I only took mine out of the safe when I was leaving so it sounds like she is packing.

Show quote history

I really would ask for a different plane seat, if you don’t ask you don’t get.

Get to the transfer bus early so you can sit at the back.

I know YOU have no reason to avoid her but I couldn’t be arsed with her potential chit chat attempts in your shoes.

mikeysmummy2004 · 27/08/2023 15:48

Why are you even friends with her LOL?

BMW6 · 27/08/2023 16:33

She is seriously weird............😯

Original poster
Grabhands · 27/08/2023 16:45

Well sent her the safe code, and she has replied and asked what time she has to check out the room.

Don't know for sure but think its noon and then you can make use of facilities and keep your wrist band until picked up by transfer , she will have check and ask herself

Sounds like she is fine, so not worried about tomorrow any more, although I will ask at check in / gate if any seats I can move to

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 27/08/2023 16:46

She really is helpless!

Littlemissprosecco · 27/08/2023 16:48

She’s absolutely clueless!!

Original poster
Grabhands · 27/08/2023 16:51

After this, I think previous posters were right, she has regressed since she moved back home to her parents.

Years ago, she used to travel on her own with no issue at all.

OP posts:
Dwab · 27/08/2023 16:53

Tell her excercise good for her, with all that food.

Msbluebozooka · 27/08/2023 17:10

Is it possible that she has had a head injury in the last few years unbeknown to you ?

NewName122 · 27/08/2023 17:32

How odd she asks you for the safe code and check out details when you're not even in the same hotel anymore. Just crazy.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 27/08/2023 17:34

Grabhands · 27/08/2023 16:51

After this, I think previous posters were right, she has regressed since she moved back home to her parents.

Years ago, she used to travel on her own with no issue at all.

She sounds like she’s doing absolutely fine without you so she still can travel alone fine.

I think she’s just selfish and entitled and if someone else is there to do the work then she’ll expect it of them.

I have a cousin who is like that with her kids - super hands on parent when she’s alone with them, but as soon as there is another adult in the room she feels entitled to completely switch off and have a break.

Your friend sounds more ‘won’t’ than ‘can’t’ to me. She’s entitled to a break on holiday and if someone else is there to skivvy then she’ll take it, but if not she’ll fend for herself.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 27/08/2023 17:41

BMW6 · 27/08/2023 16:33

She is seriously weird............😯

Not sure how old this friend is but in my early 30s before I bought my house I shared a flat with a friend of a friend which was going to be for a year and was cheap before I bought my house. When I moved in her flatmate had apparently broken something for her to step on deliberately and had been a bit narked with her. When I actually moved in it turned out the previous flatmate had done everything for her bills wise, so eg heating bills, council tax etc and my friend had left it to the flatmate and had said it was too much for her. I didn’t mind taking it over when I moved in until one day I realised we were in arrears council tax wise but because my friend hadn’t bothered to pay or didn’t want to read the council tax bills. Ended up with both of us going to council offices to sort this out. When the lock broke on our front door (door inside flat luckily) she acted all clueless and I got my DB who lived nearby to fit this for us.

Basically in her early 30s she had no or little idea how to adult. She’s a social worker, not stupid at all.

Final straw was when I found a mouse in my bedroom eating chocolate from my bedside table (high up). When I’d moved in she told me to keep bread in Tupperware due to mice but said she’d thought they’d gone and she told me this after I’d signed the tenancy agreement. The fiat had been re-floored in wood by the previous tenant (carpenter) but he left huge gaps around the radiator, nice pine flooring though. I got pest control in who found loads of mouse droppings behind the fridge. I endured poison was put down after this. I moved out not long after as I couldn’t stand her incompetence. She’s now bought her own house.

Some people are just lazy and can’t adult well.

cocoloco117 · 27/08/2023 17:53

Pray for OPs friend who much be starving and thirsty with no one to fetch her victuals for her for three whole days.