Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 26/08/2023 22:41

Hope the new hotel is a CF free zone.

Ohyesreally · 26/08/2023 23:05

I hope people who have posted on various threads re. not having any friends, can see that with some friends, who needs enemies! Better off alone.

notsurewhat2do99 · 26/08/2023 23:06

Haven't RTFT, but no you are definitely not being unreasonable. I know someone just like this and when I call her out on it she is defensive. She will never change though. When her son was 2 years old she taught him how to change the video in the recorder (in the days of VCR - showing my age!) as she was too lazy to get off the couch and do it herself!

unisexforreal · 26/08/2023 23:40

Glad you are having a proper holiday now. Enjoy!

QueenBitch666 · 26/08/2023 23:52

So pleased that you've checked in to another hotel to get away from your entitled, user, fruit loop of a ' friend '
Enjoy the rest of your holiday! I can almost feel your relief getting away from her!
Keep us updated. Best CF post I've seen in ages!!

Jeannie88 · 27/08/2023 00:28

Sorry I'm.late to this but would do doing same back. Can you and get... please. Or say let's take in turns to go and fetch. Couldn't imagine a friend doing this tbh or they wouldn't really be a friend, unless had some impairment.

hobbcat · 27/08/2023 05:45

Odd behaviour. Is she socially awkward? Scared to navigate herself in a different country? MH issues?

SkySecret · 27/08/2023 06:57

Grabhands · 25/08/2023 14:00

Well bolstered by this thread, I got myself a plate with 2 slices of pizza and another plate of salad, came back with just that for me.

Said I couldn't carry anything else and was too hot to go back again. She said I will have some pizza then, as she reached out to take a slice, I moved plate and said please don't touch my food

We have just had a row and I've been accused of being selfish and she is hungry and too tired to queue at snack bar

I am genuinely thinking of booking another room for last few nights either here or next door now

Wow…!

during the row did you not tell her she’s being selfish too by never getting you anything and expecting you to run around after her? If so, what did she say?

it’s really weird that you’ve never seen hints of this behaviour in her, what a weird woman!

HelpaFriend85 · 27/08/2023 07:12

SquirrelSoShiny · 26/08/2023 14:18

Look loads of people here are going to cheer you on and tell you that you're very big and clever.

In the nicest possible way: ignore those people. As a short term strategy? Give yourself a pass. As soon as you get home? Book in with a competent therapist and figure out wtaf is going on here. This level of conflict avoidance is unhelpful and is actually going to make you irresistible to cheeky fuckers. Learning about assertion and boundaries will change your life Flowers

@SquirrelSoShiny you've said what I was trying to say 😂 maybe I should try therapy. I think my post was like ‘mate what the fuck are you doing?’ 😂

Teatotalnot · 27/08/2023 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RampantIvy · 27/08/2023 08:26

You both seem to do much drinking and eating together,

Confused They are on holiday together and it would be unusual not to go to mealtimes together.
LookItsMeAgain · 27/08/2023 08:30

@Grabhands - has your CF friend been in touch on your muted chat yet? Has she tried to locate you (that you're aware of)?

browneyes77 · 27/08/2023 08:31

Oh this would have me flipping my shit.

I’m glad you’ve moved to another hotel to get some peace!

I don’t like conflict, but I’m not afraid to tell someone to get fucked if they’ve pissed me off.

Although even I on many occasions have bitten my tongue to keep the peace. With certain people you sometimes find yourself doing that. Problem is when I do that things build up. And eventually I explode because I haven’t addressed the issue properly, previously.

What did you say to her when she accused you of being selfish? (That would’ve sent me into a ‘here’s all my home truths about you’ moment!).

I couldn’t imagine either of my two best friends behaving in this way. The fact she said “I know you don’t mind” indicates she thinks you’re amenable and that she can be a CF.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday in peace!

FloNightingale · 27/08/2023 08:36

EL8888 · 24/08/2023 20:13

Bless, you’re on holiday with my mother. She tried this shit with me. I direct her to the waitress / queue / rep depending on what she’s wanting

I have a colleague like this. Drives me nuts. I ignore their non work related demands.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/08/2023 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

@Teatotalnot

of course they were doing a lot of drinking and eating together - they were on holiday together, FFS!

mumda · 27/08/2023 09:34

I was asked to make tea once at work. Not really a job I wanted to be doing. I did it just wrong enough for no one to want a drink made by me again.

The slave question gets asked here a lot. Disobedience being the correct answer.

MavisMcMinty · 27/08/2023 09:48

Disobedience being the correct answer.

”Answering back” was the version I always heard.

5foot5 · 27/08/2023 10:25

Well done OP for taking positive action in this situation. It sounds to me like you did and said everything possible to try to improve things and when she continued with her behaviour you made a decisive move to salvage your holiday.

I hope you are enjoying a peaceful and relaxing few days.

Do keep us posted on the journey home. Grin

Topsyturveymam · 27/08/2023 10:43

Hope you are having some peace now.
It’s not uncommon for holidays with a friend to go wrong. I had a similar thing happen to me and took the same action!
A friend-ish that I knew from work managed to persuade me to go on holiday with her. I got a bit of a sob story on how no friends would go on holiday with her (red flag) and if I didn’t go away with her she wouldn’t have a holiday. I fell for it, feeling sorry for her.
It was a nightmare with drama from her at every turn with me doing my best to navigate it. I’m quite a laid back person anyway and managed to keep my irritation in check, otherwise the drama would have escalated. On day 3, I checked into another hotel, extended my holiday and booked a separate cheap last minute ticket home.
Luckily, I was due to change roles after the holiday and have never spoken to her since.
Lessons learned - never go on holiday with someone unless you know them super well, and a holiday alone can be fabulous (especially when you can chill out after drama and no longer need to walk on eggshells! ) 😊

Josell12345 · 27/08/2023 10:57

That made me lol 😂

Josell12345 · 27/08/2023 11:00

You could try laughing as though you think shes joking and say "coming then?" When you go for food. And just get your own. Sounds like one of my adult/teenage kids who stil think their mam is their to wait on them.

ImABox · 27/08/2023 11:26

Josell12345 · 27/08/2023 11:00

You could try laughing as though you think shes joking and say "coming then?" When you go for food. And just get your own. Sounds like one of my adult/teenage kids who stil think their mam is their to wait on them.

Maybe just highlight the OPs posts? She’s already had it out with her friends and moved to another hotel by herself.

RH13 · 27/08/2023 11:32

I would absolutely throttle her.

Bex84W · 27/08/2023 12:56

My family and I all went on holiday together recently and we didn’t all eat together as I have a younger sister who barely eats due to gastric sleeve operation.
My sons that are 20 and 16 wouldn’t eat with us every meal either. They could go whenever they wanted.

ARealFake · 27/08/2023 13:05

MavisMcMinty · 27/08/2023 09:48

Disobedience being the correct answer.

”Answering back” was the version I always heard.

Over exhaustion and earache 🤣