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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
Mumsy12334 · 26/08/2023 20:30

My favourite response would be “what did your last maid die of”, say it with a smile and stop running around after her and finally get to relax and enjoy your holiday

DrSbaitso · 26/08/2023 20:30

Toomuchtrouble4me · 26/08/2023 20:27

Is she fat? Just wondering if she’s embarrassed to get and get food, extra portions etc if she’s fat. It’s really weird behaviour.

Embarrassed to get them but not embarrassed to eat them publicly?

MyNDfamily · 26/08/2023 20:32

Oysterbabe · 24/08/2023 19:55

I wonder if she is nervous or anxious about doing it for some reason, like those women who always make their partners go to the bar, fill up the car, order their food etc.

This is what I think as I make DH go to the bar. I don't do the other things but I've been ignored at bars a few times and developed this fear of going. DH will sometimes go, more recently he won't as he thinks I have to get over it now. Surely she can't just be that lazy to just never take her turn.

Missingpop · 26/08/2023 20:34

Your friend sounds like a selfish bitch who’s been very indulged by the looks of it, it’s disgusting taking food from someone’s plate .

Sauvblanctime · 26/08/2023 20:38

Jeeees! What did her last slave die of? Don’t blame you at all moving hotels. I’d have done the same.

LylaLee · 26/08/2023 20:42

Toomuchtrouble4me · 26/08/2023 20:27

Is she fat? Just wondering if she’s embarrassed to get and get food, extra portions etc if she’s fat. It’s really weird behaviour.

But in their own room, sending op to fetch this and that, being seen as fat/greedy isn't a factor. If anything, it plays into the 'fat = lazy' stereotype.

Hibye23289 · 26/08/2023 20:43

So selfish!! Wth how bizarre

Mumof32017 · 26/08/2023 20:46

Strokethefurrywall · 24/08/2023 19:49

"I'm not your fucking slave you lazy mare" should do it.

Accurate as fuck 😂😂

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/08/2023 20:50

captainmarvella · 26/08/2023 17:13

no-one here is cheering the OP on and telling her she is big and clever.

Perhaps not using the same words, not literally because we all have different ways of using words, but most, yes, are saying that.

As a short term resolution it sure is good. OP is well rid of the headache, which is truly good. But it's sad that you are not able to understand that posters like me who are identifying a far worrying pattern of OP's to run away from confrontation.

I think there’s a difference between resolving conflict when resolution is both worthwhile and the other participant(s) have the same goal and walking away to enjoy a hard earned holiday and taking a break from any conflict. I am with op here.

WunWun · 26/08/2023 20:50

This is madness. I look forward to hearing what you say to her when you're both back home!

Loopylambs · 26/08/2023 20:57

This reminds me of a friend I went on holiday with , I think at home her husband does everything for her. She did exactly the same, expecting me to get her drinks etc . I was once swimming in the pool and she shouted “can you get me a tissue?” Made a few people sitting nearby laugh , how was I supposed to keep it dry in pool ?.. At the airport she said she wouldn’t buy a bottle of water for the flight home as expensive , it was about a £1 . I bought one and as soon as we boarded she asked “ where’s your bottle of water , I need to take my tablets “ and then gulped out of the bottle . Never again.

ellalina · 26/08/2023 21:01

What did her last slave die of?

Bex84W · 26/08/2023 21:07

Seems a bit odd to me that you haven’t seen your friend for such a long time (prior to covid) and now you suddenly go on holiday and expect everything to go back to normal.
I lost friends due to covid and I certainly wouldn’t go on holiday with them after we barely saw one another during that period.

Henrietta70 · 26/08/2023 21:08

My condolences!
I have a friend like this but she lives 250 miles away so I don’t have to deal with her bossing too much. Shes single and an only child. She works in TV and used to bossing people around.

I’m a community worker and Mum to two teenage girls so I know how to manage her.

Your friend has returned home and gone back to child mode.

I’d play her at her own game. Then I’d have a real think on ever going away again.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/08/2023 21:15

Glad you're enjoying your stay in the new hotel
I think you did all you reasonably could and she didn't take your opinions on board
If you can't change seats on board just use headphones
You never need to see her again

Mittleme · 26/08/2023 21:19

Even if you were her child . My goodness that sounds arrogant to me . Just tell her to get it herself

lechiffre55 · 26/08/2023 21:20

Henrietta70 · 26/08/2023 21:08

My condolences!
I have a friend like this but she lives 250 miles away so I don’t have to deal with her bossing too much. Shes single and an only child. She works in TV and used to bossing people around.

I’m a community worker and Mum to two teenage girls so I know how to manage her.

Your friend has returned home and gone back to child mode.

I’d play her at her own game. Then I’d have a real think on ever going away again.

I know the internet sometimes makes thing sound a different way to the way they are intended, so I want to say how I intend this so I don't come across the wrong way. I'm really curious and I'd love to hear what you mean by this. You could have some really good advice, and I'd like to hear it please.

When you say I’m a community worker and Mum to two teenage girls so I know how to manage her. Can you elaborate please? I'm curious especially about you being a community worker, what you've learned that would help the OP, and how to deal with what seems to border on a minor mental health issue as far as her friend is concerned.

Henrietta70 · 26/08/2023 21:44

My friend has lost a lot of friendships as she’s bossy and expects people to pay for her.
On the positive she is very thoughtful and creative, and we’ve been friends since University.
The work I do, and with my daughters, is that I respect them, but I expect respect back. I have boundaries.
If I cook, they wash up.
Early on in my career I was taking a man out in my car and he turned up with really dirty clothes on. I said “I’ll give you extra time to freshen up and change otherwise we can get the bus”
He got changed. He felt better. No one on the team had ever challenged his hygiene. Within a month I got him a cleaner and he was looking and feeling better. No drama, no shaming.

Maybe say to your friend “shall we take it in turns to get stuff or shall we just get our own?”
She obviously has no awareness, and huffing at you is very immature.

EarthSight · 26/08/2023 21:56

You don't have to say a blunt 'no' to her OP. She deserves one, but you don't have to.

I don't know how you can stand her (as I work with people like this and that is bad enough), but if you want to continue being 'friends' with her, then next time she asks you something that makes you feel like you're being her maid, just say 'Or you could do it'.

'Oooh would you get me some x'?
'Or you could get it'
'But I'm sat here and I don't want to get up'
'I know.....shame that'....and just don't continue the conversation with her.

ehupo7 · 26/08/2023 22:11

ManchesterGirl2 · 24/08/2023 19:48

That's so weird. I'm really intrigued why she thinks it's okay!

Same!! It’s weird!!

OP is she in a relationship? Is this the dynamic with her partner or something and she just thinks it’s normal!?

Hollyhobbi · 26/08/2023 22:20

Did any of the last couple of posters read the ops update or the full thread?

Iclyn · 26/08/2023 22:21

Aside from all of this , I hope you've had a much more calmer & relaxing day , and for the rest of your hols.

AngelsandAliens · 26/08/2023 22:22

I literally can’t believe that someone has the audacity to continually behave like this . Is she thick , rude or just plain lazy ….. I gotta ask if you can update us on the flight home situ …… good luck

ofcoursethatsnormal · 26/08/2023 22:31

This! Also make sure you’ve selected the cocktail that takes a really long time to make 😂

Aprilrosesews · 26/08/2023 22:36

hopefully your flight back isn’t too painful OP, looking forward to an update when you’re home and sufficiently relaxed