To think my friend is treating me like her maid

[Grabhands]

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

Well done, OP. You’ve done the right thing. Enjoy the rest of your holiday. 🌴⛱️☀️

As I said earlier, this leaves OP with two options. Be the friend's maid and seethe about it or have an almighty row. Either way, the holiday is ruined.

They did have an almighty row, after the reaching over to take pizza off OP’s plate incident, during which ‘friend’ called OP selfish. The rest of the holiday would have been ruined by the atmosphere if OP had stayed in the original hotel and maintained her boundary of not being a maid. Who could enjoy themselves in those circumstances?

I agree that OP could have got more assertive earlier in the proceedings, but it’s a learning curve. For me, in her shoes, I think I would have struggled to accept that ‘friend’ really was being as demanding as she appeared to be. That would have delayed the start of assertiveness in my case.

I’ve just been on holiday with a group of friends. Everyone mucked in. Sometimes I was in the kitchen, getting drinks or washing up. Sometimes I was sitting down, because you can’t fit 9 people in a kitchen. But everyone did some of the work, some of the time - that’s what normal people do. I suppose it would have been possible for one person to coast and maybe not be noticed. But within a twosome…… it is just so bizarre that one person (barring health issues) would do NOTHING, it takes time to process that that is what is happening.

Glad you're finally relaxing OP 👏

The new hotel sounds lovely. Well done for taking decisive action Op, this way at least you can relax properly for the remainder of your holiday.

Don't worry about the flight home, it's only a few hours and as you say, with headphones and a book, and possibly even the chance to change seats it will be manageable. Enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday!

Again. Read back what the OP said to her. Read her reactions.
OP had had enough of trying to make her point, and she didn't want to continue in an atmosphere of conflict. It wasn't just a few requests - it was all the time they were together.

Well done! Definitely the right decision to have moved.

For the flight home, you may be able to get your seat changed either at the check-in desk (go and ask even if you have checked in online) or at the gate - wait to board last and ask at the gate even if the check-in have said they can't do it.

I'd think of it as money well spent @captainmarvella .

My peace of mind, free time and dignity outvalues the cost of a hotel room by a long long way. The OP was assertive.

Don't be sorry to say. It doesn't matter.

Do you know her parents? Will there be people asking you what happened when you get home?
if so what are you going to say?

my advice is to keep it simple and hopefully your friend will realise that her behaviour is like that of a child.

Do think there is something wrong with her or has she always been like this? I’m wondering if ‘real life’ didn’t suit her hand that’s why she moved back with her parents, maybe she was just really really spoiled.

Excellent update.

Enjoy.

She should be mortified, but clearly has zero self awareness nor shame.

"However I am enjoying myself now, new place is nice, it's sunny, and I have a good book and people are friendly"

Have a lovely time for the rest op your stay OP.

…”we weren’t getting on” those words were very generous of you OP, as if you were shouldering 50% of the blame …..not likely to trigger any self-reflection on her part (if she’s capable of self-reflection.)
…”I needed some space” was a bit more assertive.
Once your holiday is over I really hope you manage to spell out very clearly, but politely, using blunt, hard-hitting words, exactly why you weren’t getting on. You are entitled to do that OP. I know lots of us find it difficult. But she could easily turn it round and make out you are a drama queen if you are vague about what happened.

OP while your update might not be 'exciting' I'm glad you've managed to salvage your holiday. I know some people have suggested you weren't straightforward enough with her, but you really were. Just because she has a brass neck and couldn't give a shit, that isn't your fault. She should have bloody well known it wasn't right just getting her own towel (for example of the sheer laziness) in the first place. You DID tell her your feelings and she, a grown woman, chose to argue with you rather than attempt to see fault in her actions, or lack thereof.

So, well done. Poor thing is going to starve to death over there without her footservant, but at least you're enjoying yourself 😄

Oh to be a fly on the wall to see what the CF is doing now.

She has either starved to death, or not responded to her message because she's left her phone somewhere and she can't be arsed to get it.

Glad you are having a nice time at last.

If it helps, I have had to remind myself several times that life experience and self preservation sometimes costs money. (I could just about afford my losses, I was lucky.) In each case, the learning by experience was painful, yet ultimately worth it. (Am old gimmer, BTW)

Look loads of people here are going to cheer you on and tell you that you're very big and clever.

In the nicest possible way: ignore those people. As a short term strategy? Give yourself a pass. As soon as you get home? Book in with a competent therapist and figure out wtaf is going on here. This level of conflict avoidance is unhelpful and is actually going to make you irresistible to cheeky fuckers. Learning about assertion and boundaries will change your life

I know. A simple “get it yourself”‘would suffice. The way wet lettuces tie themselves in knots on mn is very odd.

Blimey, slightly OTT! She didn't avoid it, spoke to her friend repeatedly, her friend made it clear she was going to continue her behaviour and so rather than spend the rest of her holiday dealing with her friends rudeness, she skipped off to another hotel to enjoy the rest of her holiday in peace.

I think you might be a bit more into having a barny with people and flogging a dead horse than the OP. I think that's on you, not her. She confronted it, dealt with the conflict, assessed it was pointless continuing arguing about it and moved on.

Well done OP.

Anyone else rather hoping for a counterpart thread 'AIBU... My Friend Abandoned Me On Holiday Because I Asked Her To Fetch Me A Burger Once'...

And become the type that makes a huge scene? the OP said everything she needed to say then made a old move to save the remainder of her holiday. No major drama needed.

I'm being completely sincere with the OP. As a one off strategy? I get it. She wants to avoid a conflict and enjoy her holiday. I just strongly suspect this is a pattern in the OP's life and I'm saying that without judgement. Getting to the bottom of it will very likely be revealing - and reveal any other cheeky fuckery in her life in the process.

If my friend continued to behave like that I would tell her she was being a twat and ignore every request thereafter. Her reaction is hers not mine. I can't control hers I can only choose my own response. It wouldn't involve shelling out for a second hotel but maybe money is no object.

There is actually a middle ground between huge scene and legging it. That's all I'm saying 🤷‍♀️

Well done OP I like your style!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣