Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 26/08/2023 14:59

@SquirrelSoShiny the OP said it to her repeatedly and it continued on.

She didn't wish to remain sharing a room with a PITA.

I think moving to another hotel was very assertive.

Not everyone wants to spend their holiday irritated and constantly telling someone that refuses to listen to "get your own stuff".

It sounds like not tolerating her behaviour any further and making that clear by up and leaving her was implementing her boundary.

RubiRage · 26/08/2023 15:25

You just didn’t know your friend as well as you thought, but she definitely knew you.

pictoosh · 26/08/2023 15:46

I agree with @billy1966

PlacidPenelope · 26/08/2023 16:03

@SquirrelSoShiny no-one here is cheering the OP on and telling her she is big and clever.

Would you after trying to address the issues with this friend and been met with no improvement in her attitude just arguments been happy to continue to share a room and then what during the day, keep saying no and getting into further spats? Hardly an enjoyable relaxing time for the OP. The OP did the best she could by moving out of the room to a separate hotel where she can relax on her own, that is not weak it's the opposite.

AliceOlive · 26/08/2023 17:12

SquirrelSoShiny · 26/08/2023 14:43

There is actually a middle ground between huge scene and legging it. That's all I'm saying 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

If my friend continued to behave like that I would tell her she was being a twat and ignore every request thereafter.

This is not a particularly mature way of handling anything. In fact, it’s the manner of someone who expects they won’t be heard so responds in an over the top manner.

captainmarvella · 26/08/2023 17:13

no-one here is cheering the OP on and telling her she is big and clever.

Perhaps not using the same words, not literally because we all have different ways of using words, but most, yes, are saying that.

As a short term resolution it sure is good. OP is well rid of the headache, which is truly good. But it's sad that you are not able to understand that posters like me who are identifying a far worrying pattern of OP's to run away from confrontation.

sunglassesonthetable · 26/08/2023 17:15

If my friend continued to behave like that I would tell her she was being a twat and ignore every request thereafter.

I agree with @AliceOlive not any sort of ideal template for handling the situation. Might work for you but not for me. @SquirrelSoShiny .

jobie70 · 26/08/2023 17:49

No.. you aren’t.. she’s a Iazy cow and I’d have said the same😂

AliceOlive · 26/08/2023 17:57

captainmarvella · 26/08/2023 17:13

no-one here is cheering the OP on and telling her she is big and clever.

Perhaps not using the same words, not literally because we all have different ways of using words, but most, yes, are saying that.

As a short term resolution it sure is good. OP is well rid of the headache, which is truly good. But it's sad that you are not able to understand that posters like me who are identifying a far worrying pattern of OP's to run away from confrontation.

It’s called “pick your battles.”

This is an at-will relationship. It has ended for OP because she discovered her friend is inconsiderate an selfish. She will get nothing out of continuing it and so there is no need to mount a big defense or try to teach this woman how to be a better friend.

Alcemeg · 26/08/2023 18:01

Bite her hand and/or stab it with a fork. I'm amazed you've held back!! 😜

WestendVBroadway · 26/08/2023 18:03

OP , you may not see her at the airport as she may have wasted away with no-one around to get her food.

captainmarvella · 26/08/2023 18:04

AliceOlive · 26/08/2023 17:57

It’s called “pick your battles.”

This is an at-will relationship. It has ended for OP because she discovered her friend is inconsiderate an selfish. She will get nothing out of continuing it and so there is no need to mount a big defense or try to teach this woman how to be a better friend.

Edited
Show quote history

Who was trying to teach her to be a better friend? Is that what you got out of my posts?

Chickenkeev · 26/08/2023 18:06

I think OP is being perfectly reasonable here. Why should she put up with someone who is patently unreasonable? I don't get why people are being negative. The 'friend' sounds like an arsehole.

AliceOlive · 26/08/2023 18:06

captainmarvella · 26/08/2023 18:04

Who was trying to teach her to be a better friend? Is that what you got out of my posts?

Show quote history

No, wild guess at your reasons for thinking it would be better to stick around and talk even more about this.

captainmarvella · 26/08/2023 18:09

AliceOlive · 26/08/2023 18:06

No, wild guess at your reasons for thinking it would be better to stick around and talk even more about this.

Show quote history

You need better reading comprehension.

billy1966 · 26/08/2023 18:16

Some people might enjoy a combative relationship, but I certainly don't and I certainly don't see it as my job to fix people.

The OP asked her to not impose on her further, and she continued to do it.

Game over.

Rude person.

Not my job to fix or entertain this.

She clearly doesn't value the friendship so I would be so done.

I wouldn't have any interest in investing any more time/energy with someone who behaves like that.

Removing herself from the shared space is the wise move.

Why should the OP upset herself any further on her holiday.

Far better to be one with her book.

AliceOlive · 26/08/2023 18:20

captainmarvella · 26/08/2023 18:09

You need better reading comprehension.

Show quote history

😂

Willmafrockfit · 26/08/2023 18:22

she will starve to death op!

SunflowerSuffolk · 26/08/2023 18:27

Tell her to do one! She is not a genuine friend

pictoosh · 26/08/2023 18:27

"But it's sad that you are not able to understand that posters like me who are identifying a far worrying pattern of OP's to run away from confrontation."

I didn't realise you knew her in person but based on this instance she hasn't got a 'worrying pattern' and she didn't 'run away'. She was blindsided by her friend's behaviour to begin with, then after she had asserted herself appropriately, found her friend's persistence outlandish enough to vote with her feet.
I don't know what you're referring to.

LT1982 · 26/08/2023 18:28

CoffeeBeansGalore · 24/08/2023 19:46

If her fingers go anywhere near your plate quickly stab them with a fork! Should put her off.

🤣🤣🤣

LT1982 · 26/08/2023 18:33

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 20:04

No, she has been single for last 5 years or so, so not that !

Show quote history

I think I can see why she's single. Probably treats dates like slaves too

Saverage · 26/08/2023 18:38

RubiRage · 26/08/2023 15:25

You just didn’t know your friend as well as you thought, but she definitely knew you.

I don't think the friend knew the OP that well - she underestimated her enough that I doubt she expected the OP to change hotels.

OP, you definitely did the right thing. Why waste further time and energy on the situation when you had a good solution.

AnaJane1 · 26/08/2023 18:41

I’d say to her “are you having a laugh, it’s self service”.

BabyBlue777 · 26/08/2023 18:58

Ask her if there is something wrong with her, that is what I would do. Then if she says no, I'd tell her to get off her fat lazy ass. But that's just me.