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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
xPaloma · 25/08/2023 17:07

I wonder if I would have been brave enough in yr shoes to say "can I ask you to get your own good and drinks from now on?".

I am a reformEd people pleaser and I get too visibly upset when people take advantage. I know it's not easy resolving conflicts. I often think "im not asking a lot here" but somehow, a very simple request for equal efforts/labour/service ends up resulting in the other person demonising me.

Will she ask "what did I do oooooh?:

pictoosh · 25/08/2023 17:08

Grabhands · 25/08/2023 12:15

I'm going to wait until we are back and say something, I have said a few times now, and it hasn't sunk in

I am honestly wondering if she thinks she is better than me, time more precious or deserves to relax more, I just don't understand why she can't see how lazy/selfish she is being, and she knows I have got annoyed recently so why still do it.

When I am safely back home, I will be more blunt, don't want a fight and then have to share a room with someone who is peed off

I think she knows how selfish she is being and why it's annoying you. I also think she's pushing back in order to retain the upper hand, hence the burger request straight after you told her you weren't there to run her errands. She thinks you're being an upstart. I couldn't take anything else from it.
I'm not surprised you've moved. If you stay where you are you have two options...be a mug or have a row. At least this way you can salvage a few days of lovely selfy time.
I wouldn't worry about offending her. She has brought this upon herself. What an entitled person.

LylaLee · 25/08/2023 17:09

>I know some people become utterly intolerable once you even slightly criticise them or say no

Yes, like OP's CF

femfemlicious · 25/08/2023 17:17

Why do you even need d to ask that?

Dazoo · 25/08/2023 17:18

Not valid now if the OP has changed hotels but I would have whatsapped her a link to the Mirror article and the thread.

delphi13 · 25/08/2023 17:25

She sounds like my five year old daughter. She also gets angry when I suggest she could get a drink from the kitchen when she wants one. She's capable but says she'd rather I served her. But you know, she's five so fair enough! Hoping by the time she's this ladies age she might get me the odd drink if I'm still about🤣

CR7 · 25/08/2023 17:26

Would love a link to the mirror article please. Too many posts here to find it!

pinkfondu · 25/08/2023 17:29

Maybe just leave a note giving the link to the mirror article op, enjoy the rest of your hols.

sodthesodoff · 25/08/2023 17:36

SquirrelFeeder · 25/08/2023 17:02

Personally I think changing hotel was a tiny bit childish and that a simple grown up discussion would probably have solved matters. However I realise it's easier for me to say when I'm not in the situation. I know some people become utterly intolerable once you even slightly criticise them or say no (though I wouldn't be friends with someone like that to begin with).
I'd like to think I could've just kept out of her way for the rest of the time.

So what's your plan now the op has had the conversation a few times and simply got a cats bum face and stropping?

She's tried. Cf isn't having any of it. For everyone's sanity and salvaging some of the holiday it's best she just removes herself from the shit storm.

Onesipmore · 25/08/2023 17:36

Very invested in this. Has she realised that you have moved and if so what was the reaction @Grabhands

femfemlicious · 25/08/2023 17:41

The towel thing shows she has ZERO respect for you. She thinks you are beneath her.

gabagrowl · 25/08/2023 17:45

HawdMeBack · 25/08/2023 17:36

Yeah she knows

tt9 · 25/08/2023 17:47

this has to be one of the most satisfying threads I have ever read on mumsnet. OP well done on standing up for yourself! hope the rest of your holiday makes up for the shit first half.

Proudgypsy · 25/08/2023 17:51

Honestly I think moving hotels without actually having a proper adult conversation about it is quite silly. All you had to say was that you will each get your own things from now on.

Iloveacurry · 25/08/2023 17:53

Well done op! Can’t believe she said you were selfish and lazy not getting her lunch 😂

CR7 · 25/08/2023 17:55

HawdMeBack · 25/08/2023 17:36

Thank you!!

MinnieGirl · 25/08/2023 18:03

Please please please keep this thread going until you are home OP!
I need to know if she contacts you at all, or tries to find you, and how the plane journey goes….

di2004 · 25/08/2023 18:11

Well good for you, at least you spoke your mind and told her.
What a cheek she has .. get me this, get me that etc ..
I wouldn’t be going on holiday with her again!

JohnFinlaysNewTeeth · 25/08/2023 18:16

You booked and paid for a new room because you’re too wet to say “what did your last fucking skivvy die of?”
More money than sense

RampantIvy · 25/08/2023 18:18

Proudgypsy · 25/08/2023 17:51

Honestly I think moving hotels without actually having a proper adult conversation about it is quite silly. All you had to say was that you will each get your own things from now on.

Because the OP didn't want to continue sharing with someone who was going to sulk for the rest of the holiday. Would you be happy to?

RampantIvy · 25/08/2023 18:19

JohnFinlaysNewTeeth · 25/08/2023 18:16

You booked and paid for a new room because you’re too wet to say “what did your last fucking skivvy die of?”
More money than sense

Read the OP's updates!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/08/2023 18:23

Proudgypsy · 25/08/2023 17:51

Honestly I think moving hotels without actually having a proper adult conversation about it is quite silly. All you had to say was that you will each get your own things from now on.

The OP did have a conversation about it…

HawdMeBack · 25/08/2023 18:23

gabagrowl · 25/08/2023 17:45

Yeah she knows

Show quote history

I was posting it for @CR7 who'd requested it.

momonpurpose · 25/08/2023 18:31

MinnieGirl · 25/08/2023 18:03

Please please please keep this thread going until you are home OP!
I need to know if she contacts you at all, or tries to find you, and how the plane journey goes….

Yes op don't leave us hanging