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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
indyocean · 25/08/2023 16:05

OP
What a drama!

In future, if anyone treats you with disrespect, tell them early on. Dont let things escalate to this levrl

MrsSlocombesCat · 25/08/2023 16:06

Oysterbabe · 24/08/2023 19:55

I wonder if she is nervous or anxious about doing it for some reason, like those women who always make their partners go to the bar, fill up the car, order their food etc.

This was my first thought, I’m inclined to try to get other people to go to the bar for me. It’s not because I am lazy it’s that the whole thing makes me anxious. Will someone push in front, will the person see me to serve me, will people look at me and think badly of my weight or looks or clothing etc. I absolutely hate it. But I have always had extreme social anxiety.

DontYouThreatenMeWithADeadFish · 25/08/2023 16:06

This reply has been deleted

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Sallyh87 · 25/08/2023 16:07

@Grabhands , well done! You are so brave. Her behaviour is so bizarre it is comical.

Have a nice few days alone. Sounds like heaven to me.

MeridianB · 25/08/2023 16:14

She is beyond rude and weird. How can someone be so shameless?

Really proud of you for not getting her burger and super impressed with the move!

Enjoy every minute of your quiet, peaceful time.

evtheria · 25/08/2023 16:14

Wow, brave move @Grabhands but I admire you! Just fuming that you've had to actually MOVE hotels to avoid being room service. I hope you get to enjoy the rest of your break!

Haretest · 25/08/2023 16:18

Thanks @AliceOlive will hold my hands up and say I missed that!

Seaweed42 · 25/08/2023 16:20

So have you to pay for food in the new hotel?

AliceOlive · 25/08/2023 16:26

Haretest · 25/08/2023 16:18

Thanks @AliceOlive will hold my hands up and say I missed that!

I guess it didn’t really sink in, anyway.

I would be prone to switching hotels rather than getting into an even more interaction with this woman, too. If she didn’t pick up on the many queues, she must think her behavior is normal.

Ohthatsabitshit · 25/08/2023 16:30

I’d just say you aren’t enjoying the amount of fetching and carrying she expects or the atmosphere when you won’t get her another drink or snack so you’ve booked into another hotel and will see her on the plane.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2023 16:32

Well done for moving hotels! I cannot believe someone would be that dozy as to tank a friendship through laziness.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/08/2023 16:35

Moving was the only way to enjoy the last few days
Who cares if she wastes away!

justanothermanicmonday1 · 25/08/2023 16:36

Thank god this is me because my temper could never handle this situation 😂😂😂 you're a better person than me OP! Bravo!

justanothermanicmonday1 · 25/08/2023 16:36

Isn't*

skyeisthelimit · 25/08/2023 16:43

this is mad, you have nothing wrong. You have tried to tell her a few times and her behaviour is still carrying on. You are not selfish, she should be taking her turn to get food/drinks/towels etc, you aren't there to wait on her.

Well done for standing your ground. I would leave a brief note so that she doesn't worry, but state that you are there to relax not to wait on her and get nothing in return, so you have moved sites to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Ilovetea33 · 25/08/2023 16:43

I wonder if she'll go looking for you in the adjoining hotels.

Growuppeople · 25/08/2023 16:49

Why haven’t you just asked her why she wants you to get everything? Just tell her it’s her turn you’re on holiday too!

ihadamarveloustime · 25/08/2023 16:49

Grabhands · 25/08/2023 14:57

We are flying back same.flight , low cost airline so can't change seats I don't think , but Head phones on and sleep for a few hours

Travel back from airport home sepately

Show quote history

I'd contact your airline and let them know that you WILL be on the flight and that you're afraid someone might pretend they are you and try to cancel it.

Put a password on your account or something.

longtompot · 25/08/2023 16:50

It's a shame it's had to come to you moving hotels to get a relaxing holiday. I would leave her a note so she knows you are okay. It sounds like she would be too lazy to try and find out which hotel you had moved to so I think you'll be safe. Enjoy your last few days🍹🍸⛱️

nettie434 · 25/08/2023 16:56

I think you made the right decision to find another hotel. It will be worth it just not being pressurised to get up and down every few minutes fetching stuff for her.

It must have been so frustrating. I can't help feeling sorry for her parents too. I am imagining a frail couple laden down with towels, drinks and food while she is lolling on the sofa. They have probably spent the last few days saying, 'Thank goodness for Grabhands. We are so worn out and needed a rest.'

Batalax · 25/08/2023 16:59

Muted messages are good, but only if you can read them later as we need to hear her reaction…

SquirrelFeeder · 25/08/2023 17:02

Personally I think changing hotel was a tiny bit childish and that a simple grown up discussion would probably have solved matters. However I realise it's easier for me to say when I'm not in the situation. I know some people become utterly intolerable once you even slightly criticise them or say no (though I wouldn't be friends with someone like that to begin with).
I'd like to think I could've just kept out of her way for the rest of the time.

RampantIvy · 25/08/2023 17:04

Personally I think changing hotel was a tiny bit childish and that a simple grown up discussion would probably have solved matters.

But a simple discussion didn't. As the OP was sharing a room with her the last few days would be very difficult.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/08/2023 17:04

SquirrelFeeder · 25/08/2023 17:02

Personally I think changing hotel was a tiny bit childish and that a simple grown up discussion would probably have solved matters. However I realise it's easier for me to say when I'm not in the situation. I know some people become utterly intolerable once you even slightly criticise them or say no (though I wouldn't be friends with someone like that to begin with).
I'd like to think I could've just kept out of her way for the rest of the time.

The OP attempted to talk to her friend multiple times…

evtheria · 25/08/2023 17:04

Ilovetea33 · 25/08/2023 16:43

I wonder if she'll go looking for you in the adjoining hotels.

Of course not - she'll get some poor, unsuspecting holidaymaker/waitstaff to go search the adjoining hotels!