Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
truthhurts23 · 25/08/2023 12:54

stop being a push over, just say no,
youve been letting her do this to you and now she thinks its ok , call her out in front of everyone and tell her to get her own , youre not her maid
focus on yourself, get your own towel, get your own drinks , and leave her to it

PrimalOwl10 · 25/08/2023 12:54

Op this friendship is dead. I know you don't want an atmosphere but she's already spoiling it. Tell her behaviour is unacceptable and you refuse to be her scivvy any longer.

HB1974 · 25/08/2023 12:57

A plate of cucumber 😂

Babydaddy1978 · 25/08/2023 12:58

This would be the best approach

ImABox · 25/08/2023 12:59

Just don’t get her a burger. Get yours, come back and eat it.

Blueroses99 · 25/08/2023 13:02

Get your own food and if she asks about hers just say “oh I thought we were each getting our own, you don’t get mine so I thought that’s how you wanted it”. <innocent face>

Itham · 25/08/2023 13:03

All through this thread I can hear my late mother's voice.

'Excuse me! What did your last servant die of?'

LiteKim · 25/08/2023 13:03

Daily mirror loves your story OP

CherryMaDeara · 25/08/2023 13:05

I think one of the best parts of being all inc is choosing from the buffet. Bizarre that she doesn’t want to do that.

Stoic123 · 25/08/2023 13:07

OMG. What a strange woman she is. Has definitely been treated like a princess by her parents. I wouldn't confront, much more fun to think of ways to get her orders slightly wrong.

Oh - EXTRA cucumber, thought you said SKIP the cucumber. Never mind - the bar's just over there if you want to get yourself some.

Ice? Thought you didn't like ice in drinks. Heat must be getting to me. No, I've just been to the bar, I'm not going back up.

PlacidPenelope · 25/08/2023 13:09

or if I go for a walk and eat on the way back, forgetting her order.

Stop tying yourself up in knots trying to avoid being treated like an unpaid dogsbody for this 'friend'. Just get what you want, when you want. If she complains tell her you are not her personal slave, you do mind being treated as such, you do not appreciate the way her laziness and attitude towards you is impacting on this holiday, you didn't come away with her to be treated as her skivvy.

For the rest of the holiday put yourself first, think only about yourself and ignore her and any tantrums she may have.

Next time she asks you when you are sat eating or drinking to get something for her just say No, if you are too bone idle to sort yourself out that is your problem not mine.

CantGetDecentNickname · 25/08/2023 13:17

"Don't have the balls to say no!"

Yes you do! Just need to find them. In a nice light voice "I've got loads of things for you on this trip and you haven't managed to get anything for me. Going forward, we will each just get our own things." and "I've just said how things are going to be from now on" if she objects.

I'd be getting myself two plates - salad on one and hot food on the other and nothing else as "I've only got two hands, but luckily so have you" (followed by a MN tinkly laugh) before sitting down and not getting up again. Or if using a tray, I'd have a bowl of fruit or pudding and a drink for myself as well so no room for anyone else's and say "thanks for letting me go first and minding our stuff. You can go now!"

There is also "I'm eating my food/relaxing, so Lady Muck is going to have to go and get her own lunch" if she becomes really trying and you're not to worried about her going off in a strop.

PuzzledObserver · 25/08/2023 13:20

When she gave you her burger order, you could have responded with something like: “As I’ve already told you several times, I’m getting fed up with you always asking me to get things for you - even when I’m not going for anything myself. So how about you go and get your own burger, and while you’re there, get X for me.”

Since you didn’t do that, your options now are either

  1. Starve (not ideal);

  2. Give in and get her burger when you get something for yourself (BAD BAD BAD - don’t do this)

  3. Get her order deliberately wrong (passive aggressive - don’t do that)

  4. Slope off on your own and find a way to avoid her (also PA - she’ll know full well you did it deliberately)

  5. Say - I’m getting peckish now - how about you go to the bar and get me X while you get your burger? (Somewhat assertive, but still a bit avoiding directly addressing the issue)

  6. Say - I’m getting a bit peckish now. I know you asked me earlier to get you a burger, but as I’ve already said, it’s not on for you to expect me to do all the running around. So how about you go and get your burger, and get X for me while you’re about it? We’re both adults after all” (The assertive thing)

I realise this is fantasy land, and I would probably take one of the easier options myself….

PlacidPenelope · 25/08/2023 13:24

Or another option Puzzled:

Go and get your own and when she asks why you didn't get hers respond with I've told you I am not your personal skivvy and I am not fetching and carrying for you anymore.

PuzzledObserver · 25/08/2023 13:24

OP - could she fix this if she started taking turns, like a normal person?

If she could, tell her so.

PuzzledObserver · 25/08/2023 13:25

PlacidPenelope · 25/08/2023 13:24

Or another option Puzzled:

Go and get your own and when she asks why you didn't get hers respond with I've told you I am not your personal skivvy and I am not fetching and carrying for you anymore.

Yep, good one.

LimeCheesecake · 25/08/2023 13:25

If you want a lower stress option, say “I’m going getting a burger now, do you want to come with me to get yours and we can eat together?” If she asks you to collect hers say no, you are happy to go together but you are not offering a maid service.

she can come with you, or go on her own. No maid option.

starfishmummy · 25/08/2023 13:26

Get your own food and take some bites out of it on the way back and a pudding or drink in the other hand, saying "sorry only one pair of hands, by the way I can't share as a I did a horrible snotty sneeze all over it" and then follow with the famous mumsnet tinkly laugh.

poppitypop1 · 25/08/2023 13:28

I'd "forget" op. Hopefully The more you forget the more she realises she needs to help herself.

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 25/08/2023 13:29

Tell her it's her turn to get your food. Give her your order and off she goes!

LAMPS1 · 25/08/2023 13:31

You have to spell it out clearly once more and then repeat until she gets the message.
Or, spell it clearly once more then ignore any requests as if she hasn’t spoken them.

When you spell it out clearly, this one last time, tell her kindly that the idea of a self -service buffet, which she has already paid for upfront, is for each guest to look at the array of food and beverage on offer, then choose what they would like for themselves. Tell her it is very immature to be unable to do that. And to put that responsibility for her choices of food on you is too much as she isn’t your child. Tell her she is missing out on the adult freedom to choose….is that because she is has a problem behaving as a grown up or is it because she isn’t she feeling well ? Insist she explains herself.

ihadamarveloustime · 25/08/2023 13:33

Go get your own food and come back with nothing for her.

When she says something, and she will, tell her to get her own. Like you do. Because she NEVER thinks of you when it comes to drinks/snacks/meals/towels/seats etc and you're wondering what on earth is wrong with her manners and lack of common courtesy at this point.

Proudgypsy · 25/08/2023 13:33

I like the suggestion of saying you're peckish now and when is she going to grab her burger because you'd like one too.

Nom confrontational but flips it around onto her so she's the CF if she says no after already saying she wants one.

ttcat37 · 25/08/2023 13:33

Come back with the wrong thing with loads of cucumber and when she complains take the chance to say “well, you could have always gone yourself for the first time this holiday? Do you usually get waited on hand and foot? I’m not going for you again”
She’ll strop off until she wants something else!

spuddel · 25/08/2023 13:36

I am honestly wondering if she thinks she is better than me, time more precious or deserves to relax more

She does. And currently she is because you are doing her bidding like her lackey. Wise up op! This type of behaviour will eat at your self respect!

Swipe left for the next trending thread