To think my friend is treating me like her maid

[Grabhands]

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

Ha ha, just saw this. I’d announce I was going to the loo or somewhere in the opposite direction to the food, then grab your food on the way and tell her it was a last minute decision. Turn it into a game of how often you can thwart her 😂

Having read your update where you say you are peckish, actually what you should do is don't reply to her yet, go into the main restaurant, eat your food there, and when she comes back just say "I changed my mind about having a proper lunch so I've already eaten. Be a dear and get me a glass of wine when you're up getting your burger, won't you?"

I went on holiday with a friend like this once.

It took very bluntly saying "I'm on holiday too..." to make her realise she was being a dick.

She's now an ex friend because she was a stroppy cow for the last 5 days. Was much better living in silence for those days than being used as a skivvy though

I'm getting very invested now. Please don't get her any more food.

Flip it around and keep asking her for stuff, see what she does.

"Isn't it your turn? I got lunch all the other days. I'd love a hotdog and chips please"

Fair enough. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt, or thinking how awful I'd feel if someone thought I was swinging the lead.

She needs to cut it out.

In a way it's lucky you are all-inclusive. Imagine if you were on a holiday together that required cooking, or driving, or pitching tents!

Go to the burger place, get YOUR food, sit well away from her but make sure she can see you.

Sit, eat your food with lip smacking relish and wave at her now and then.

She's relying on you being too cowardly to tell her what's what.

Don't be a coward.

Yes do this.

If she says anything, you can say "Oh I just thought it would be easier if we got our own. What time is aquarobics today ?" Randomly changing the conversation every time she tries to get you to get something might work, or bore her into submission. E.g. the burger without cucumber "Oh don't you like cucumber? it's one of my favourite salad vegetables. Do you know it's 90%water ?" Drone on like this for a bit, then either no burger or burger with only cucumber "Oh silly me, it's because we started talking about it. You should eat it, it's very good for you because it's 90% water."

Basically make any food related discussion so weird that it's actually easier for her to get her own.

I wouldn’t be asking her to get you loads of stuff or pretending to go one way not the other. I’d just tell her you don’t want to get her food/drinks/book for her, which is true and perfectly reasonable. What are you actually worried will happen if you’re honest and direct?

I so don't want I am mentally wondering how I can get out of getting her lunch again...

Easy. Just don't do it. Get your lunch, don't get anything else.

She's a CF. It's a control thing. Stop doing it.

Either:

1. JUSY SAY NO! Even better, tell her it’s her turn!
2. say you’re going to loo, take a while, come back with yours, and say you don’t remember her asking

This is so weird!! Can you get me some?

we’re t you tempted to say why can’t you get it yourself?

god she sounds awful

Ugh, she sounds a nightmare! So weird too as basically her whole holiday is being run around when YOU go and get stuff for her as she can't be arsed to get it for herself. I'd want to be really petty and get her absolutely nothing for the rest of the holiday.

Can you not really say anything to her requests then go to the buffet or bar and comeback laden with plates of stuff for yourself or drinks and go "oh, sorry - everything looked sooo delicious, I had to get an extra plate for my salad and couldn't carry yours too..." or "oh, sorry, I was soooo thirsty when I got there I decided to get a coke and a water alongside my cocktail and ran out of hands..." followed by a "silly me" laugh. Then if she says "oh, well are you going back for mine?" just say "haha, no I'm eating..." or "no, I need to drink these before they get warm".

If you find it difficult you could always say that you are going for a walk/sleep after you eat your own lunch in the restaurant and are not coming back her way. Stand firm on that and just go. Keep walking.
Or just get angry at her. Don't give her the power.
Is she quite senior in her job and used to giving orders?

Already tried that with no joy!

"Have you lost the use of your arms" is a well worn phrase in my house.

Honestly this would infuriate me, but if you are planning on having another go at trying to get her to stop I'd be couching it slightly differently.

I would tell her you feel quite upset by the way she is treating you, like you are her on holiday purely as her support human. Give her all the examples then shut up and see what she says.

Whatever her objections are at this point you'll be able to deal with one by one.

The weirdest bit is the way the friend is prepared to deny herself things she wants like a drink after dinner or a coffee, because OP won't get them for her.

I like the full hands idea @Workawayxx . Bonus marks if your extra plate is full of cucumber.

We are sharing a room, I did gently say something earlier, and she just repeated she really needed a break and to relax and she knows I don't mind?

I think this is the point at which I would have whacked her over the head with my Kindle

Just say :

" I've been loving our time away , as it's been fun , but I've come to realise I'm doing quite a bit of the tooing and frooing to the bar / snack bar / restaurant stations , it's been ok , but I don't want to spend the rest of the holiday doing it for you , so I suggest we go together , or you go for me , or we just get what we want ourselves when we want it "

No not senior, she works in a receptionist type role, 9 to 5, 4 days a week.

I do office work, again not that senior.

You have all made me laugh, I am sat deciding if I go and get her a bunless burger with extra cucumber, or if I go for a walk and eat on the way back, forgetting her order. Feel alot happier than I did yesterday for sure

Tell her you do mind! And then ignore her.

Good for you.

I have said to friends before now - I’m sorry say again ? And then pointed out I’m eating my lunch and that’s what waiters or their own legs are for - she needs to self reflect

@rookiemere love the idea of the bonus plate full of cucumber. Could get a progressively more random selection of things on plates or drinks!