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Original poster

To think my friend is treating me like her maid

928 replies

Grabhands · 24/08/2023 19:35

For context, this is a friend who I have known for years, haven't seen since before COVID. We booked and are on a 7 day all in beach holiday in the Med.

Meals are buffet service, tea service and cakes etc at certain times from a pool bar and a bar where you can go and get alcoholic drinks etc. At meal times waiters will bring you water for the table and you go to bar for anything else. Bar a few mins walk.

At every single meal we have had since arriving, she tries to send me to the bar to get her a drink, if I am going anyway absolutely fine, otherwise get your own!

She also keeps taking food from my plate to try it, with fingers , and then says can you go and get me some of that.

When I get desert, she gives me a list and asks me to bring back plates of various things.

Tea, she doesn't want to go to bar to get cakes, in case she misses some sun so again even though I don't want anything asks me to go.

I know its petty, and I'm usually easy going but after 3 days I have just said you go, you have legs too, and please stop taking food from my plate.

She is now very offended and huffing and puffing!

Am I being a cow?

OP posts:
WedRine · 25/08/2023 12:04

Get her the burger with extra cucumber and no chips and then play really dumb and confused when she complains. Then follow it up with "when you go back to the bar to get the chips, get me X"

MyBrewMyShoes · 25/08/2023 12:06

This is bizarre behaviour from her.

OP have you literally straight out asked her why she's treating you like a servant?

evtheria · 25/08/2023 12:07

I have been reading this with growing incredulity. How you've not managed to blow up at her is a wonder, she is honestly acting SO bizarre and overtly obnoxious! Is she.... okay? Mentally, I mean. It's just blatantly rude, especially as now you've said something.

evtheria · 25/08/2023 12:09

*managed to not blow up, sorry!

DaggerIsle · 25/08/2023 12:09

Bloody hell just say no!!!! Tell her, sorry the bar is that way, you get it.

Then put headphones back on and ignore.

Ohthatsabitshit · 25/08/2023 12:10

Can’t you just say “why are you asking me to fetch your food when I’ve asked you not to?”

Original poster
Grabhands · 25/08/2023 12:15

I'm going to wait until we are back and say something, I have said a few times now, and it hasn't sunk in

I am honestly wondering if she thinks she is better than me, time more precious or deserves to relax more, I just don't understand why she can't see how lazy/selfish she is being, and she knows I have got annoyed recently so why still do it.

When I am safely back home, I will be more blunt, don't want a fight and then have to share a room with someone who is peed off

OP posts:
HB1974 · 25/08/2023 12:20

For God's sake don't get her the burger!

EnfysPreseli · 25/08/2023 12:21

Maybe a PP has suggested this already, but have you asked here whether she's OK? I have spent a lot of my life waiting on or supporting other people, young and old and instinctively find it awkward asking other people to do stuff for me (or I feel guilty if they do). I'm not ancient, but do have problems with my joints and can get a bit rusty if I'm sitting still for a while and it hurts until they've started working properly again. Socialisation has made me unlikely to ask someone else to get stuff for me, but maybe she doesn't have the same qualms. I'd be a bit cautious I think and ask her first rather than just assuming she's a CF.

rookiemere · 25/08/2023 12:21

I would either forget to get her burger or get it plastered in relish, cheese and other things she doesn't like. Then if she complains " Oh yes that's right you don't eat those things , best go up and get something different. I'll have a Fanta while you're there please "

Hollyhobbi · 25/08/2023 12:21

I have a confession. I'm the eejit who hit the you are being unreasonable button by mistake 🙃I'm most definitely not op's very cf friend! Can't believe she's still at it!

Mumof4plusbonus · 25/08/2023 12:22

Start doing it back on her. Ask her to grab you food, drink etc. Maybe when you do it back it will sink in. Or say I’ll grab the food, you grab the drinks/utensils etc. I would also ask as a pp suggested what the issue is. If she says she just wants to relax explain you do also, that you run around enough at home and don’t want to do it on holiday any more than she does. And stop doing it. Say no if it’s not being returned.

Proudgypsy · 25/08/2023 12:22

I think if you don't handle confrontation well then addressing it when you get home is fine. Although it's a shame your enjoyment of your holiday has been ruined.

Original poster
Grabhands · 25/08/2023 12:23

HB1974 · 25/08/2023 12:20

For God's sake don't get her the burger!

I so don't want to, but am peckish myself!

I'm cross with myself for getting wound up, when I should be enjoying the sun and my book, instead I am mentally wondering how I can get out of getting her lunch again...

Normally, you take it in turns, so no big deal, but after the last 3 days I'm kind of getting petty

OP posts:
DaggerIsle · 25/08/2023 12:23

But in the meantime if she asks for something just say no! Face it, you've stood up to her, she's sulked and is now double downing.

She's ignored your boundaries, the holiday is already ruined and (most likely) your friendship.

At least enjoy your last few days and stop being her skivvy.

Original poster
Grabhands · 25/08/2023 12:25

EnfysPreseli · 25/08/2023 12:21

Maybe a PP has suggested this already, but have you asked here whether she's OK? I have spent a lot of my life waiting on or supporting other people, young and old and instinctively find it awkward asking other people to do stuff for me (or I feel guilty if they do). I'm not ancient, but do have problems with my joints and can get a bit rusty if I'm sitting still for a while and it hurts until they've started working properly again. Socialisation has made me unlikely to ask someone else to get stuff for me, but maybe she doesn't have the same qualms. I'd be a bit cautious I think and ask her first rather than just assuming she's a CF.

I think she is fine, hits the gym every afternoon, does aqua aerobics etc

Legs only stop working if either me or a passing waiter can get it to save her the trip!

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 25/08/2023 12:26

@Hollyhobbi just go back and click on the one you want, it works for me when my fat fingers have hit the wrong one
cheers

CherryMaDeara · 25/08/2023 12:27

If you really can’t bear to say no, just go and get your lunch and eat it elsewhere!

EvilElsa · 25/08/2023 12:29

Just go and get your lunch and eat it elsewhere. Sit at a table or walk and find a bench. Don't tell her you are getting lunch, just head off for a swim or the loo and don't come back until you've finished eating.

LookItsMeAgain · 25/08/2023 12:29

Just reply with "Eh, no. Why would I do that? You can get it for yourself when you get back from the beach, that way it will be made fresh for you you absolute lazy arse of a woman"
You are going to have to say no to her.
This is a perfect opportunity to do it.

Original poster
Grabhands · 25/08/2023 12:30

Reading these responses is making me laugh and see the funny side of it so thank you.

I have decided not to announce when I am going to get something to eat, and will then randomly run like roadrunner to the snack bar, and grab my lunch and get swimmers ear so I go a bit deaf and can't hear her order!

OP posts:
BellaJuno · 25/08/2023 12:30

Grabhands · 25/08/2023 12:23

I so don't want to, but am peckish myself!

I'm cross with myself for getting wound up, when I should be enjoying the sun and my book, instead I am mentally wondering how I can get out of getting her lunch again...

Normally, you take it in turns, so no big deal, but after the last 3 days I'm kind of getting petty

Show quote history

Ask her if she’s ready for lunch and when she says yes go with “great, I’m famished too. Pretty sure it’s your turn to be waitress so can to get me a burger when you get yours?”

WtfHormones · 25/08/2023 12:30

Please please ask her to get something for you.

Heavensalongwayaway · 25/08/2023 12:31

If you don’t want a proper barney then forgetfulness is your friend here.

‘sorry I forgot’
‘sorry I didn’t hear that’
‘Oops, sorry’

every single time.

Duvetdayforme · 25/08/2023 12:31

Don’t you DARE get her burger!!!!

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