SpideySenses going off with DH - am I being paranoid?

[EatYourMeat]

I don’t know what it is, just a little niggle in the back of my head that something isn’t right.

1 example is that we’re supposed to be booking a trip to Italy, normally he’d be going over plans, looking up flights etc … but nothing. We’re supposed to going in May, DH has made no effort with booking anything and just kind of nods along when I mention that it needs booking (he does all the bookings, he wouldn’t want me to do it). So why is he stalling? Money isn’t an issue.

Another thing is his work … he works 7am-4pm every day but lately he’s been getting in half hour late. Not massive I know but there always seems to be some last minute meeting or something.

Now today … he’s had next week booked off work for a while. He booked it off without discussing it with me so I’m working. Again this was odd as he was talking about booking a week off in September so we could go away for a few days, obviously that’s off now. So he’s off next week … except tonight he tells me he has to go on a work visit next Wednesday. I said “I thought you were off next week?” And he said “I am, but I have to do this visit. I’ll be out from 7am until 7pm” … again, unusual, especially during a week off.

I don’t want to say anything just yet because maybe I’m being paranoid?

Is he usually this off-hand? It sounds like communication isn’t great, and even if there’s nothing « big » going on, it’s odd to take time off without talking about it with you. Are you generally happy?

Would you?

Can't accuse someone of cheating on you just on a hunch.

I'm actually divorcing him for being a liar and having multiple affairs without *my knowledge.

When you've spent years being told you're crazy and imagining things, you start to second-guess yourself. I needed definitive proof, and I got it the only way I could.

Intuition!!!

If he’s shown you his phone about the 7-7 meeting, it looks there might be something stressful going on at work then, perhaps he doesn’t want to talk about it yet.
Ask gentle questions and tell him you are a bit worried about him.

If he’s shown you his phone about the 7-7 meeting, it looks there might be something stressful going on at work then, perhaps he doesn’t want to talk about it yet.

This I reckon. Maybe show him a little TLC. I reckon the card or nice dinner is a nice idea. If nothing else sounds like he might be having a stressful time. Thankfully fears of cheating allayed - best put them to the back of your mind now or it will drive you mad. Also have had a partner who was determined I was cheating when I was also just having a crap time at work, and the constant interrogation was so awful.

No. The relationship was over when he cheated on her. Not when she needed proof.

Maybe ask him if anything is bothering him? It could be that work are talking about redundancies or that he has a job interview next week because of it.

Could it be a health issue he's not able to talk about yet and maybe the Wednesday thing us an appointment?

Just to reiterate what others have said, bugging a partner because they’ve said they have to go into work for a day during a week off is completely insane. This place can be mad sometimes.

I agree, to do it for ONLY that reason is way OTT, but I'm my particular circumstances I felt it was justified.

I agree, to do it for ONLY that reason is way OTT, but I'm my particular circumstances I felt it was justified

Nah sorry, don't know what your circumstances were but it wasn't. I don't care if you think they were cheating or not. if you don't trust them, leave.

I would totally go “miss marple” on that “working thing” on the Wednesday.

I don't know why it's so hard for people to believe that other people have jobs that don't operate the same way as their own. If deciding to "uncancel" a day's leave, when you weren't particularly doing anything, to attend an important meeting is a sign of an affair, I must work in a particularly unfaithful organisaion.

Well maybe you don't care, but I certainly did.
I DID trust, and was lied to repeatedly.

People don't just "leave" after 25 years, because of a "feeling" of mistrust. Just having a feeling doesn't really cut it?

I needed PROOF I want going crazy, I got it the only way I could.

Makes me laugh out loud when people suggest to just ask their husbands/partners if they're having an affair! As if you are ever ever ever going to get an honest answer from someone who is betraying you!

Look, I understand it's not necessarily the best way of going about things, and had there been any other way, eg. following him, or asking him outright hahaha I would have done that. But I needed actual proof before I dumped 33 years of life and memories together, so I did it. I feel I was justified, vindicated, you don't. Too bad, too late now.

Any update OP?

He is definitely having an affair. Spidey sense can be trusted; that’s why we have them.

Doesn't look like @EatYourMeat is coming back