SpideySenses going off with DH - am I being paranoid?

[EatYourMeat]

I don’t know what it is, just a little niggle in the back of my head that something isn’t right.

1 example is that we’re supposed to be booking a trip to Italy, normally he’d be going over plans, looking up flights etc … but nothing. We’re supposed to going in May, DH has made no effort with booking anything and just kind of nods along when I mention that it needs booking (he does all the bookings, he wouldn’t want me to do it). So why is he stalling? Money isn’t an issue.

Another thing is his work … he works 7am-4pm every day but lately he’s been getting in half hour late. Not massive I know but there always seems to be some last minute meeting or something.

Now today … he’s had next week booked off work for a while. He booked it off without discussing it with me so I’m working. Again this was odd as he was talking about booking a week off in September so we could go away for a few days, obviously that’s off now. So he’s off next week … except tonight he tells me he has to go on a work visit next Wednesday. I said “I thought you were off next week?” And he said “I am, but I have to do this visit. I’ll be out from 7am until 7pm” … again, unusual, especially during a week off.

I don’t want to say anything just yet because maybe I’m being paranoid?

Do you share your location with your dh? Our whole family is on the Apple FindMy App so we know where everyone is at any one time. Saves texts and calls, like where are you? There are other popular apps like Life360.

Casually ask to set up a mutual phone tracking app. If you have kids, you can use them as an excuse. Watch his reaction.

Is he depressed?

Trust your gut and have a quiet look at your accounts, etc

It could be nothing.

It could be his head has been turned.

Could his job be in jeopardy? Layoffs coming at his company?

Time to have a real conversation with him. Bet he is feeling burned out tired stressed etc.

Please tell me the pp who said about putting a tracker on his car was joking 🤣🤦🏽‍♀️

In what world does anyone have an employer where they can causally have their spouses turn up to the meeting and sit through it...

Agree here.

I had a git feeling all wasn't right-and went a~snooping in drawers and found a card from a fellow teacher at his school with ''don't get too excited'' written it it- nothing else.

He was having affair with this woman.

His behaviour does sound off. Sorry OP,but everything together, especially the holiday thing would make me think he's planning on leaving. I'd call his bluff and book the holiday you want...but plan for going with a friend.
As MN says, get your ducks in a row.

I would be thinking he's heard there's possible redundancies at work.

Unwilling to commit to future holidays.

Putting in an extra half hour at end of day - showing willing by staying latest?

Attending a work event on his week off rather than telling them he's on AL.

Stressed and quiet and disengaged to me usually indicates someone has the weight of the world on their shoulders. They are pondering.

After reading your updates I wonder if he is having problems at work. Maybe he manages to relax during the week off and you could have a convo with him to find out more info.

His behaviour sounds plausible, explicable. But then, affairs rarely come clearly labelled.

Trust your gut.

Yes, tracking a dog that likes to go off hunting while on a walk is very different to tracking a spouse who may be going off A~hunting. It's very unethical .

One way of doing it {how my cheating husband got caught by my dad of all people} is to look at the mileometer.

My ex was supposedly visiting his parents, but the mileometer showed he'd travelled much further {plus he wasn't at his mum and dad's}

There's a slightly mad level of collective paranoia going on in this thread.

Could he be hiding work stress? Does he have a stressful job?

Paranoia? or people who have had husbands who were cheating.
If someone's gut feeling is thinking something's awry- then in my experience, it is.

Yeah I wish I'd listened to mine

I don’t want to be pessimistic but when someone says they’re tired as an excuse for odd behaviour it nearly always means they’re hiding something (unfortunately usually another woman). Obviously this may not be the case with you but years ago my (now ex) was supposed to be booking an ice hotel in Lapland for us and the kids but it just never materialised, despite our many conversations and agreements about it. When he was acting distant or wierd it was always I’m just tired. Needless to say there was another woman. Hopefully this is not the case for you 🤞

Even at a distance of 27 years that’s a horrible story @AngelinaFibres - I’m sorry that happened to you.

Typical MN batshittery tbf

Yes this sounds plausible.

Agreed.

And there's no such thing as "spidey senses".

Meh. I just had a week off and went in to work for a whole day in the middle, as I had a very important deadline to meet. I also would laugh you out of the room if you expected me to book something for May next year without a very good reason to….

Has he given you any other reason not to trust him? Any history of infidelity?

If not, I think there’s a reasonable argument for the benefit of the doubt…

Spidey senses just means picking up on a number of micro changes of behaviour or inexplicable things. Which could signal something.

Studies have been done into micro expressions, for eg, which can communicate unspoken factors unconsciously.

We all know when someone’s tone changes, when how tactile they are shifts etc. it’s not ‘woo woo’, it’s just noticing a change. No conclusion is drawn re what is causing it, but it’s worth investigating.

OP you need to talk to him properly. The meeting thing could be a front. He was invited but maybe he’s not actually going (because he’s booked the time off!).

PPs saying “May is a long time away, I would never plan that far ahead” baffle me - obviously this man does usually plan ahead and this is a change in his usual behaviour! It’s like saying “Oh but I don’t like potatoes so why should this other person like potatoes?!” 😂

OP I hope it’s nothing but I can understand your disquiet.

The holiday booking and delayed finish time are meaningless

Great advice...to end a marriage.
And just be sure the car is in your name too, otherwise it's also highly illegal.