SpideySenses going off with DH - am I being paranoid?

[EatYourMeat]

I don’t know what it is, just a little niggle in the back of my head that something isn’t right.

1 example is that we’re supposed to be booking a trip to Italy, normally he’d be going over plans, looking up flights etc … but nothing. We’re supposed to going in May, DH has made no effort with booking anything and just kind of nods along when I mention that it needs booking (he does all the bookings, he wouldn’t want me to do it). So why is he stalling? Money isn’t an issue.

Another thing is his work … he works 7am-4pm every day but lately he’s been getting in half hour late. Not massive I know but there always seems to be some last minute meeting or something.

Now today … he’s had next week booked off work for a while. He booked it off without discussing it with me so I’m working. Again this was odd as he was talking about booking a week off in September so we could go away for a few days, obviously that’s off now. So he’s off next week … except tonight he tells me he has to go on a work visit next Wednesday. I said “I thought you were off next week?” And he said “I am, but I have to do this visit. I’ll be out from 7am until 7pm” … again, unusual, especially during a week off.

I don’t want to say anything just yet because maybe I’m being paranoid?

Ah!

Is the other person also attending?

I did check the attendees, 7 people, all blokes

Why would he be going on his holiday though?

I could show you no end of meeting invites I have but cannot attend for one reason or another

If you think something isn’t right just keep your wits about about you and Sense anything that isn’t the usual. Could be several things but usually instincts are correct with a feeling of somethings not right.

Ps hope it’s nothing and you’re all good 👍

Is he perhaps feeling a bit down? Stressed elsewhere in life? Could the week be to try and reset and sort out something going on with him mentally?

From your update the work day doesn't sound suspicious in itself, and if he's just booked the week off to reset then something came up he might have though oh well might as well go?

My exhusband started having to go in to work at odd times. The increase was gradual so I didn't think much of it initially. He was the financial director so had keys and a stressful job. One Saturday he said he would need to pop to work. His mother lived a few doors away and had offered to have the children ( aged 3 and 2) for the afternoon so I spontaneously said I would come to the office with him and we could go to the cafe next door afterwards for a child free coffee. It was 27 years ago so no texting, no quick call on a mobile just the house phone in the open plan living room.So no chance he could phone ahead and warn anyone. I had no suspicions before that day. He looked like a rabbit in headlights when I said I would come along. He practically sprinted in to his office from the carpark and announced that I was with him a little too loudly. There was a young woman there doing photocopying . Turned out she would have been doing something entirely different if I hadn't turned up. It was utterly awkward. He left me and our children for her ( aged 17 ,he was 32) 6 months later. Listen to your gut Op

Yes, I would do this.
You will know instantly by his reaction, but keep quiet for now.

Meanwhile, do you have any access to his phone?

Can you make an excuse to use it quickly & check he has Google maps active and running?

When he's back, check the history timeline of the date in question.

It could be an affair. Or could he be depressed?

Have you asked him why he has taken leave next week when he had already mentioned having a few days away together ?

30 minutes a day? hardly second secret life time. Is he stressed and parking up somewhere to just sit in the car in silence. Several people do that.

Also the holiday is 9 months away, if you keep bring it up going on about what he should book then thats nagging and leads to the above.

If I was feeling over worked and then nagged at home I would likely want to get away by myself too.

Sometimes I find work getting too much for me, I own my own business and the stress of not having enough time to get everything done around having a house, toddler and dogs to take care of, meeting deadlines, pushy clients and general bullshit, can really wear me down by the end of the day.

To the point where sometimes in the evenings I don't really talk much with my DH, it's almost like I can't be bothered to think enough to hold down a conversation and I just zone out, I forget all the little things I've thought about during the day to tell him about.. by the evening it's just gone! I procrastinate on a lot when I'm in this sort of headspace too, I leave things till the last minute and then have to rush around, I hate it, but it's hard to get out of that funk sometimes where it's all a bit too much.

Maybe have a chat with him next week about how he's feeling, have a look into options for the holiday to take some of that responsible away, and offer to book it if he's happy with one of your suggestions. If at times where I'm mentally drained my DH would just think to say 'I've looked into this, this and this, what do you think, shall I book it or do you want to have a look and we'll chat about it a bit more next week?' rather then just saying 'where are we going/what are we doing etc/haven't you booked anything yet' I'd be over the fucking moon.

Always trust ur gut! Do some more digging!

This is a good idea...

Also, always listen to your gut.

He’s been distant, and several behaviors have changed:

*Procrastinating making arrangements for trip to Italy
*Repeatedly late from work
*Booking time off when you can’t go, when the initial plan was time together in September
*Suddenly announcing a full day’s work trip during his week off

@EatYourMeat, something appears to be up with him. How far away is the work trip? Perhaps he plans to leave the venue early to meet up with someone.

How did he explain booking the week off when you can’t participate, instead of following through with the September plan?

I would be investigating his phone, etc.

Ask him if he’d get back the day of annual leave he’s using for work?

I would be thinking busy and stressed about work (which matches the work day he's going in for when it's a week off) rather than something else tbh.

What exactly do you think he's doing in the 30 minutes in the evening, if it's not working?

Depends on his work though? I've often known colleagues to cancel planned leave to attend an important meeting. They obviously wouldn't if they were actually planning to go away anywhere, but if they've just booked a week's leave for a break at home, it can sometimes be easier to go to the meeting than pick up the pieces later. And, depending on his job, and if other people are away due to summer holidays, his company may have begged him to go.

Having lived through the 'I'll be half an hour late home" situation it is apparently entirely possible to have a quick post work shag and a smoke within the half hour time frame, then head home. Handy on 2 counts. 1. You don't have to take the subject of your shagging out to dinner, for a drink,or even bother much with conversation. 2. Your wife( me) will not ask questions because it's only half an hour and you could have been delayed by traffic, a last minute problem, a male colleague who wanted a chat in the carpark. You can get away with the ' half hour late thing' for quite a while/ quite a few shags..

The month of May is a long time away.

Jesus, going through his phone and trying to set traps for him. If you start playing games you'll really start to piss him off so try being an adult and ask him outright.

after your update it does sound like work has been stressful and getting to him.

Didn’t focus on the may holiday. That is 9 months away. Does he maybe prefer to book closer to the time than months before?
the taking leave without discussing with you though is something I would want to know unless he had limited time to take leave before it expires.

Obviously you know your own DH better, but from what you've said maybe he just wanted a week off because it all got a bit much, but he felt he had to do the away thing on Wednesday (or wanted to). My DH is off this week and I'm working, he booked it quite suddenly he felt like some time off and has gone to see his Mum with our DC. I've booked leave then felt I had to go in (I have a week off in October but will cancel the leave for 1 day and go in). From what you've said it doesn't seem to be a big difference. I wouldn't ask him about "shagging anyone from work" - if he's down, or it's all a bit much that's the last thing he needs to hear that you are doubting him too.

Neither is odd.

May is SO far away

I have the next 10 days off but said ill join a meeting on a new project next thurs🤷‍♀️