SpideySenses going off with DH - am I being paranoid?

[EatYourMeat]

I don’t know what it is, just a little niggle in the back of my head that something isn’t right.

1 example is that we’re supposed to be booking a trip to Italy, normally he’d be going over plans, looking up flights etc … but nothing. We’re supposed to going in May, DH has made no effort with booking anything and just kind of nods along when I mention that it needs booking (he does all the bookings, he wouldn’t want me to do it). So why is he stalling? Money isn’t an issue.

Another thing is his work … he works 7am-4pm every day but lately he’s been getting in half hour late. Not massive I know but there always seems to be some last minute meeting or something.

Now today … he’s had next week booked off work for a while. He booked it off without discussing it with me so I’m working. Again this was odd as he was talking about booking a week off in September so we could go away for a few days, obviously that’s off now. So he’s off next week … except tonight he tells me he has to go on a work visit next Wednesday. I said “I thought you were off next week?” And he said “I am, but I have to do this visit. I’ll be out from 7am until 7pm” … again, unusual, especially during a week off.

I don’t want to say anything just yet because maybe I’m being paranoid?

My ex was the opposite, said he was going into work early to set up. 2 hours early for weeks. Stupid nieve me never cottoned on.

I don't believe anything malicious is happening. Men(and women) who are cheating et cetera tend to go the other way i.e. overly attentive and fake nice. People get down sometimes. The promotion he hoped for is not going to happen. Someone at work is obnoxious etc.
I hope it's not a health issue. My best friend's DH was acting in a similar manner, and it turned out to be a health issue.(He was fine, but it was a worrying time, and he should have told her instead of the strong silent thing.)

If this was a woman posting about her DH and his controlling behaviour, I have no doubt the comments would have been vastly different.

MN loves nothing more than to convince an OP that her husband is cheating and her having left him, or making plans to leave him by the end of the thread.

OP if there’s anything up I would say that it’s likely to do with work. He’s sent you the details of the meeting, it clearly is happening, perhaps he just needs to take some time off or they’ve been told that they need to use up holiday, and perhaps he couldn’t get the whole week off.

I’ve been off this week. Our holiday very much depends on available quota, so getting time off can be very hit and miss. I couldn’t get Monday off so I took Tuesday and Wednesday off, today is my scheduled day off as I’m working this weekend, and I could only get a half day tomorrow, so I’m going in for the morning only.

If someone posted that their partner was off and had announced they were going into work for the morning I’m sure the “he’s having an affair” brigade would be out in force.

Not everything ends in an affair, although it’s understandable that people who have been cheated on will be projecting. Doesn’t necessarily mean anything though.

The works day will have been pre organised ,
so he then booked that week off knowing he had a great excuse to spend a full day with someone else and pretend it’s work .

Put a device in his car you will soon know.
Where is this work thing ?
can you see if his car is there . I’d take a day off and see what he’s up to that day

I ended my post too soon. I don't think your DH is doing anything untoward. I had a week of annual leave booked and had to go in for 3 days for a course because I wasn't going anywhere. I got paid the 3 days and got my 3 days back.

Could be that he took the week off earlier because of stress if you have noticed a change he may have something on his mind ask him.

@BeenThereDoneThat101

MN loves nothing more than to convince an OP that her husband is cheating and her having left him, or making plans to leave him by the end of the thread.

I have yet to witness a single thread where an OP has left her husband purely on the basis of being egged on by MN and its turned out not to be justified. In every scenario where OPs chronicle their departure from their marriage it is because they have uncovered cheating, which in most cases turns out to have been going on for months.

The whole point about LTB is that the default position is not to LTB and its bloody hard to LTB. That's why this crap about the "he's having an affair brigade" is really unhelpful. The support of other women who have gone through this situation is sometimes the only thing which stands between a woman and her sanity. Sorry for the derail but it bears saying.

As for the OP's situation, the only thing I think is vaguely suspicious is booking a work event during a week of leave. Nothing else would arouse suspicions for me.

It's so easy to be in denial- to think ''We have only just bought a house/had baby/ got married &c &c ''......and they deny it , too.

Put a device in his car. Seriously. You know cyber stalking is a crime right? Awesome advice.

Op has already admitted to driving past his work. Notching up the level of crazy really isn't going to help.

Anyone else think the ‘It’s easier to just show you’ and showing the proposed meeting schedule etc is him trying a bit too hard to cover his tracks???
Apologies - another victim of a lying, cheating ex here.

Maybe I'm naive, but first, I'd be giving him a big hug and asking if everything is okay with him at the moment or if he has anything on his mind. He sounds tired or down, perhaps.

All of this seems like normal behaviour of both me and my husband, not everyone’s life is rainbows and happiness with no schedule changes. Today I am so very tired and can only just manage the tiniest amount of small talk. No headspace left to book holidays so far out.

@116a
I didn't mean sit in the meeting. Just travel to wherever it is and spend the day shopping.

My ex wasn’t fake nice. He turned distant and snidey which was really unsettling as it wasn’t his usual way. Penny didn’t drop with me for a while though.

@JusthereforXmas - are you a bloke by any chance?

Also OP just because your DH has "only" male colleagues does not mean he is being faithful to you - he may be interested in either sex but not articulated it to you (it's far more common than you think)

Something's wrong, you know it is, not because of some Spidey senses thing, but because he's looking, sounding, behaving differently. Off.

It could be so many things.
Work / potential redundancy worries
A health fear
Money problems
He's involved with something he regrets
An affair

Feeling anxious and on edge is not good for you. I've been there. I've snooped the phone, found the facts, had the calm, quiet conversation that uncovered that he'd got mooney over a much much much younger woman, an acquaintance who reminded him of his hippy festival going days and was soon off on her travels and not seen again. We survived.

I would do some detective work. Search at home, the phone/laptop if you can, but more importantly, create an atmosphere that encourages frank conversations. If it's money, work, health, etc, that can only do good.

But if it's an OW I'm afraid you have to decide - do I close my eyes and hope, uncover the truth, make it stop, walk away? Only you know what will be right for you.

I would have found the taking a week off by himself when you had plans to do it together a bit odd. What were his reasons?

And a LOT of projection!

I immediately thought of a health issue. But let us know.

I think he is tired.
Give him a bit of TLC.
See if he likes you to take him out for lunch every now and again. Maybe he's tired and has low energy to be the one who books every thing. Sursprise him with something lovely.
Don't rule out an illness.

Does he have a yearly health check?

Try to wangle a day or two off so that you can do something nice next week as a surprise.

If the work meeting is true (seems true if he’s shown you the schedule / meeting) then I think I would trust him. May is ages away so he’s probably not thinking about it until nearer the time.

Oh shut up. Do you not have anything better to do that try and ruin someone’s marriage? What an absolutely ridiculous comment.

The OPs DP sounds burnt out and needs a break. Not a load of amateurs from MN thinking they’re detectives and sending his wife into a spiral.

Thanks for the replies everyone. Just a few points …

When I said I’ve driven past his work I didn’t mean I’ve purposely driven past to spy on him - I have to go that way to pick my grandaughter up.

I will NOT be tracking his car! For one thing I couldn’t be bothered but secondly if he was up to something I’d rather let things play out in their own time - it would give me longer to get my shit together (he’d slip up eventually)

As regards everything else, I think I just had a paranoid moment, thinking about it he never has any issue with me using his phone and always leaves it lying around. I mentioned Italy again last night and he said he’s ready to book when I am, I said I’ve been ready for weeks and offered to book it myself but he wants to do it

Also SpideySenses is just a light hearted way of saying I’m sensing something is up. I don’t really believe I have special superhero powers but I really didn’t think I’d need to explain that here 😂😂