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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is DH or me right about who should do what for the puppy?

140 replies

Shuger · 24/08/2023 19:08

Ok im at the end of my tether now and I just want to leave and move countries and I am not even kidding!! Don't know if its actually even me being the unreasonable one or not. Mine and DH's relationship has been really decent been together 6 years married for 2. We decided children would only be in the picture later on in our life and if that means pets only because of fertility reasons at the time then so be it. We decided it was the perfect chance to get a puppy we have always wanted one and we both have extremely suitable jobs and the lifestyle for it. DH is work from home doing analysis where he can structure his own day/workload so he could do one hour here and then take a break or do 5 hours in one go type thing. My job is a bit different and I don't work as many hours at all and I'm self employed I still bring in as much money though and I only mention that because it's not like my salary is cut/I contribute less financially so I do everything in the home as a role, if that makes sense although naturally as I have more time yes I do take control of most of the cooking and cleaning and I have done for the puppy as well which i obviously love. I've always wanted dog.

DH is a slight gamer and in his "breaks" he will play a game here or a game there, so will take 30 mins in between each task to do a round on a game. I never really had an issue with this but since we got the puppy I do ask him if he can keep an eye on him (once I know he has finished a task and can take a short break) while I go upstairs and clean the bathroom or while I take a bath or shower, or while I pop to the shops to buy dinner bits etc etc and he always says yeah yeah no problem but for the 5th, yes 5th time this week I've come back to the puppy having had an accident on the floor just sitting there and DH oblivious still on his computer and I'll be asking what has happened and he will say well I'm in a round aren't i (referencing the game) like I'm the fucking idiot for possibly not realising why he can't be in control of the puppy for 15 mins. I explain that he can't be doing the game when he needs to watch the puppy and he moans saying but that's his break during work and as I'm home not working I should watch the puppy and I can do my bits in the evening when he will watch the puppy and yes in the evening when he needs to do his damn 15 minutes, he will play with the puppy but I don't think I should have to put all my errands in the evening time when we could all be together at that point etc just because he HAS to play this game?

AIBU? I'm really pissed off by it but then I convince myself maybe he isn't even wrong just so I stay less annoyed and I honestly don't know! So am curious what an outsider thinks

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 28/08/2023 02:16

Whereyouleftit is spot on. I’d be stashing some snacks and not telling him, then just not go to the shops and let him go after work if that’s when he can fit it in. Hand some of the work back to him, you’re not the skivvy. He says ‘It’s easier for you’ you say I have my new hobby I’m concentrating on. It’s just as easy for you but you choose to game instead. Im just as allowed to choose what to do with my time as you are. You might start to see how he thinks his time is more important than yours.

NorwayLass · 28/08/2023 02:39

gosh I think I’d just leave the wee/poo for him to sort end of work day. No way would I be cleaning up

do you have a garden?

EatforEngland · 28/08/2023 11:30

Every time the puppy toilets in the house, he is learning that it is OK to do that. Having a puppy is just as hard work as having a baby and if he can't make time to help with the puppy, he isn't going to help with a baby either. If you're going to keep the puppy you both need to train it in exactly the same way. This man is a waste of time and the conflicting training, or lack thereof, is unfair on the pup, who won't understand what is expected. Something needs to change.

RandomButtons · 28/08/2023 11:37

He’s clearly shown you if you ever had kids (he clearly doesn’t want them) then he will leave everything to you.

Think long and hard about if you want kids.

VickyEadieofThigh · 28/08/2023 11:39

NorwayLass · 28/08/2023 02:39

gosh I think I’d just leave the wee/poo for him to sort end of work day. No way would I be cleaning up

do you have a garden?

That's exactly the wrong thing to do with regard to the puppy, however.

69Pineapples69 · 28/08/2023 11:40

"Well I'm glad we got a puppy before we had children. Now I can see how utterly irresponsible you are" take the puppy and leave

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/08/2023 11:58

This would be a deal breaker for me. The not contributing to his share of chores in a house that he lives in even though he only works from home for 5 hours a day is pathetic to start with.

But he has a responsibility to the puppy, that he agreed to get and presumably agreed to pay for. It's disgusting to choose to game rather than let a puppy out to go to the toilet. And his compromise that he will watch the puppy in the evening so you can spend your entire day on puppy duty and then your evenings doing errands and chores ia laughable.

If he doesn't want to put in any work in the daytime to look after his own (wanted) pet then I'd be having conversations about rehoming the pup while it's still young or splitting up since you've now seen just how lazy and selfish he is. Half an hour of gaming after every hour task is absurd

Shopper727 · 28/08/2023 12:03

Chuck the games console out and get rid of puppy poor thing. He’ll be complaining your floors are ruined and your house smells next and blame you
if he can’t put ‘gaming’ above actual adult responsibilities he’s just an overgrown child I wouldn’t put up with that. Games are something you do to relax once you’ve done your work and that includes housework etc least you got a puppy first I guess so now you know (sadly - sorry) that you’ll be left to work, cook clean and do everything for any kids you might have

ImNotReallySpartacus · 28/08/2023 12:06

TLDR but definitely don't have kids with this lazy arse.

Lilah10 · 28/08/2023 12:50

Do not have a baby with this man-child.

You might benefit from teaching pupper to ring bells when he/she wants a wee,

BrawnWild · 28/08/2023 13:02

Doesnt the fact that he "really wanted this" and does fuck all, coupled with the fact that he is relaxed that "having kids isnt the be all and end all" tell you that he is lazy and cant be bothered to change his lifestyle to accommodate anyone?

No wonder it's not attractive,bits your body's way of telling you not to bet your fertility on him.

Doesitreallymatteranyway · 28/08/2023 16:39

The beautiful puppy will grow into a great dog (trained by you), the man child will never grow up so you better leave him now and thank him for having shown you his real nature so you stop wasting time trying to train him. Not your job and very unattractive

Gumptionesque · 28/08/2023 19:55

This is him showing you he’s not someone you can rely on as a partner. Take heed.

FOJN · 28/08/2023 20:09

I promise you never have I seen him act so incompetent in my life. It's so unattractive

There is is the understatement of the century. You are married to a lazy man child who resents having to take any responsibility. You don't need to give birth to a child, you married one. If he can't even keep an eye on a dog for 15 minutes how would you ever trust him with a child?

I'd pack his bags and tell him to leave now before you absolutely hate him and honestly, after 20 years of laziness and strategic incompetence, you will. Save yourself the heartache, he cannot be fixed or improved because he doesn't want to be.

Turquoisemonkies · 30/08/2023 08:13

You will regret having children with this man. Don’t. Do. It.

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