Is DH or me right about who should do what for the puppy?

[Shuger]

Ok im at the end of my tether now and I just want to leave and move countries and I am not even kidding!! Don't know if its actually even me being the unreasonable one or not. Mine and DH's relationship has been really decent been together 6 years married for 2. We decided children would only be in the picture later on in our life and if that means pets only because of fertility reasons at the time then so be it. We decided it was the perfect chance to get a puppy we have always wanted one and we both have extremely suitable jobs and the lifestyle for it. DH is work from home doing analysis where he can structure his own day/workload so he could do one hour here and then take a break or do 5 hours in one go type thing. My job is a bit different and I don't work as many hours at all and I'm self employed I still bring in as much money though and I only mention that because it's not like my salary is cut/I contribute less financially so I do everything in the home as a role, if that makes sense although naturally as I have more time yes I do take control of most of the cooking and cleaning and I have done for the puppy as well which i obviously love. I've always wanted dog.

DH is a slight gamer and in his "breaks" he will play a game here or a game there, so will take 30 mins in between each task to do a round on a game. I never really had an issue with this but since we got the puppy I do ask him if he can keep an eye on him (once I know he has finished a task and can take a short break) while I go upstairs and clean the bathroom or while I take a bath or shower, or while I pop to the shops to buy dinner bits etc etc and he always says yeah yeah no problem but for the 5th, yes 5th time this week I've come back to the puppy having had an accident on the floor just sitting there and DH oblivious still on his computer and I'll be asking what has happened and he will say well I'm in a round aren't i (referencing the game) like I'm the fucking idiot for possibly not realising why he can't be in control of the puppy for 15 mins. I explain that he can't be doing the game when he needs to watch the puppy and he moans saying but that's his break during work and as I'm home not working I should watch the puppy and I can do my bits in the evening when he will watch the puppy and yes in the evening when he needs to do his damn 15 minutes, he will play with the puppy but I don't think I should have to put all my errands in the evening time when we could all be together at that point etc just because he HAS to play this game?

AIBU? I'm really pissed off by it but then I convince myself maybe he isn't even wrong just so I stay less annoyed and I honestly don't know! So am curious what an outsider thinks

What? surely the thing to do is to get rid of the man child and enjoy life with the dog?

The puppy was a joint decision so there should be joint responsibility. He needs to grow up and realise that he needs to play his part in this. If you had a baby, would he leave it with a full nappy because he can’t possibly interrupt his game to sort it out?
I know people will think I’m being unreasonable but I do find obsession with gaming a deeply unattractive trait in a grown man, particularly when this kind of situation arises and the gaming interferes with their ability to help out around the house.

I certainly wouldn’t be having children with this man anytime soon.

How did he not smell it? And he’d rather sit next to a shit for a few hours than clean it up?! That’s just disgusting. No wonder you fancy him less.

Your DH lets the dog shit and piss in the house and waits for you to come home to clear it up.

Think about that OP.

What does that tell you.

Exactly.

Thank god it was a puppy and not a baby.

I mean, this in spades!

Can you imagine having kids with him? You’d never be able to leave them with him, he wouldn’t feed them, change them. He sounds useless.

Well you can thank your lucky stars you found out what he was like before you had kids with him! Maybe everyone should get a puppy first! What an absolute twat though, making it your job and also sitting there with dog shit in the room with him!

As well as setting the training back he's being cruel to the puppy - once they get the idea of toilet training they don't WANT to go in the house and will only do it when they're desperate.

Also- Revisit the idea that most cooking and cleaning should be your job, when you're earning the same as DH.

That will be a hard habit to break. Clearly he's come to expect that you will do the grunt work.

You're two WFH adults with no children, and he has multiple 30 minute breaks during his day. That's plenty of time to empty the dishwasher or Hoover the floor.

He should be cleaning as a matter of course, let alone when the puppy has pooped on his watch.

He's treating you like an appliance.

We have a puppy and I have very similar arguments with my 13 year old dd (it was supposed to be ‘her’ puppy…). But she’s 13 and to be fair to her getting better at being on the ball. Your husband is a grown ass man.

I must admit, the way he has acted with this has seriously made me see a different side to him and I seriously feel less attracted to him

have you told him this?

I could not be with a ‘gamer’. Ugh.

So he's got this lovely cute puppy and is expecting you to train and look after it. Do not have a child with this man. He's just shown himself to be lazy and selfish

Don't make his dinner. Tell him you don't have time as the chores need doing.

He’s a man-child. Red flags waving… He needs to grow up and take responsibility.

I think you say:
I am so angry that you so throughly misrepresented the role you planned to take on in owning a dog. Obviously we have to return the dog, I didn’t sign up for this. I feel so terrible for the poor little thing and that I brought it home not realising its human dad would be so utterly incapable. I’ll call tomorrow re returning it.

obviously hopefully he says no no I will do better, but if he doesn’t then you will be losing respect very fast so it might be better not to have a dog together.

Both of you sound like children. Grow up and behave like adults.

So does DH. And I spend too much time on MN. But the dog still gets let out, made a fuss of, played with etc., during the course of the day, as and when required.

YANBU.

He is addicted to his gaming breaks.

Tell him how very unattractive his incompetence is.

It is so bad for the puppy’s training to be having to have accidents. I would be scooping it up and dumping it in DH’s lap.

Thank God you got the pup before a baby. A grown man that spends THREE hours a day on a computer game would give me the serious ick. Ugh.

You're parenting a man-child. Please do not have children with him.

My ex and I broke up over his sheer laziness when it came to puppy training. He'd pretend he didn't smell anything, or worse, acknowledge the puppy had made a mess and just ..leave it for me.
Never attempted to take them out in time, never walked them, did no training... I picked the dogs lol, easiest choice ever😂

Well they don’t sound like authorised breaks. It sounds like he takes 30 minutes to play a game every time he completes a task! Surely most people just get a lunch break not plural breaks throughout the day.

He games on his breaks and you do housework? C'mon, that is tragic manchild behaviour, and will make your life a misery. Having children with him will mean you have two children instead of just the giant one you already have. And this type of behaviour kills all attraction in the end. You dont want to leave the country, you want to leave him, so do yourself a favour and do it.

He has to take the dog out for a wee before he plays. What does his employer think of all these breaks.

He dos not really want a dog. He wants to game.
Poor puppy, sitting there waiting for a grown man to play a game whilst it is bursting for the loo. This will make your job of training the puppy more difficult as it is establishing habits to toilet in the house.

You must be feeling really disappointed.