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Original poster

DD starting uni and I suddenly feel so sad…

133 replies

PuddleMud · 24/08/2023 18:27

DD is starting uni shortly, she’s going to a very good uni and I’m immensely proud and exited for her… Today it’s suddenly dawned on me how much I’m going to miss her and I feel almost bereft… I keep feeling panicky and then crying at the thought of her not being here anymore, although I’m overwhelmingly happy she’s going, iyswim?

She’s my only daughter and I had her fairly young. It was just me and her for a long time and we’re very close. I know I’m going to be a complete mess for the days leading up to her leaving and the days afterwards and I feel selfish and unreasonable…..

OP posts:
Riverlee · 29/08/2023 08:51

They say it’s harder to let them go than bring them into the world.

ssd · 29/08/2023 08:56

Riverlee · 29/08/2023 08:51

They say it’s harder to let them go than bring them into the world.

Christ that's the truest thing I've ever read

Lastchancechica · 29/08/2023 09:01

I am feeling sick at the thought op.

My dd has chosen a uni 9 hours away. I can’t imagine her being in a big city by herself, and I just want to hold her and never let her go. The love I feel for her is stronger if anything. On the outside we are excitedly preparing, inside I am steeling myself for the huge loss it will be.

I am planning to visit three weeks after she starts, and she will come back in October. Letting go is essential but it is the most painful feeling.

QuillBill · 29/08/2023 09:01

I thought I was going to be a mess when my dd went last year. But I missed her less than I thought I would. I love that she's enjoying herself so much and doing lots of things. I've always enjoyed them getting older and becoming more interesting.

There's less to do in the house as well which I hadn't thought of.

And the holidays are ridiculously long.

Oto · 29/08/2023 09:06

@Allicando so true. I've had to mute it. It's a shame because there is also a lot of good info on there.

mumonthehill · 29/08/2023 09:10

We were all ready for ds to go, he needed to go but I was very surprised how sad i felt. It was certainly the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. I kept getting 4 plates out for supper! It does get better and it is wonderful to see them flourish.

ZadocPDederick · 29/08/2023 09:21

I felt awful about DD going to university, partly because it was a long way away. I just about held it in long enough not to cry when I dropped her off, but had to stop for a good sob before going back. I still felt really sad every time she went back, but actually the time passed pretty quickly, we managed fine while she was away, there were long summer holidays to compensate, and of course she got a lot out of it.

Allicando · 29/08/2023 09:22

Oto · 29/08/2023 09:06

@Allicando so true. I've had to mute it. It's a shame because there is also a lot of good info on there.

Glad its not just me! Yes so much good advice but blimey some of the Mums on there are a bit too much!

JT69 · 29/08/2023 09:33

Reading these comments too. I’ve had a bad night over thinking all this.

My DD goes to uni in 3 weeks too. My youngest. I’m so excited for her but it’s tough - I’ll miss her so much .

My middle DS moves to London this week for a fabulous job. I’m so proud of him too. But I’ll miss him..

Oldest one drifts between home and his GF so that’s something but he has his own life.

It’s the end of a fabulous era. The busy, noisy house will be so quiet. The mess I moan about won’t be here. Just me and the cat mostly. I do realise I’d be super stressed if they didn’t have jobs or plans so I do keep that in mind. Sorry for the long post - just caught me on a bad day .

Riverlee · 29/08/2023 09:36

Trigger warning:
Mamma Mia’s “Slipping through my fingers” sums the emotions. Don’t listen to it if you want to be a crying, emotional mess!

curaçao · 29/08/2023 09:42

I felt bereft when my eldest left but I for over it (Indecently!) quickly.
This time the kast goes a d we wilk be empty nesters.

Daddylonglegs123 · 29/08/2023 09:43

I was like this when my son started Uni last year. I was dreadful for months beforehand, the day he left and for a few days after then I was fine.

Although I did get upset when he went back at Easter and Christmas. He is home for the summer now. I will miss him when he goes back (but not the mess he makes, his late nights and his household belongings laying about the house). He is very happy at Uni which makes it so much easier and he chats to us about Uni life, the friends he has made and some of his adventures etc. So we still feel part of his life.

You will be fine.

Rivergardens · 29/08/2023 09:44

I was a University housing officer for quite a few years, move in day was exciting, stressful and crazy to work in. I still specifically remember two Mothers from all those years ago, must be 20. One just looked so sad and very worried, it was a prestigious University and very obviously a first in the family situation so you could see they felt intimidated. The other was a Mother from overseas, who physically clung to me in my office sobbing for absolutely ages. I did my best to reassure her. A few weeks later I received a cashmere pashmina from the Mother as a thank you .

I have seen so many Mothers over the years in absolute states on move in day and a few Fathers not coping so well. What you’re feeling is natural and you will all be ok.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 29/08/2023 09:52

Blimey my youngest went to uni 7 years ago and I’m blubbing more at these comments than when he went ! They’ll soon be back with their washing and messing the house up again ! Start of a new era for them and you !

JaceLancs · 29/08/2023 09:53

I felt the same when my youngest DC went to university as I was also a lone parent
I went to see a friend the night after I dropped him off - cried buckets and got very drunk!
Decided I needed something to take my mind off things so decorated and re vamped my dining room over next few weeks, taught myself how to sew by making curtains etc
It was Xmas before I knew it and lovely to see him again
I did visit once a term as near enough to go for day and we enjoyed finding new places to eat - I would also fill his fridge, freezer and cupboards
Both my DC are grown up now and we are still very close - the relationship just changes over the years

lorn195 · 29/08/2023 09:53

Daddylonglegs123 · 29/08/2023 09:43

I was like this when my son started Uni last year. I was dreadful for months beforehand, the day he left and for a few days after then I was fine.

Although I did get upset when he went back at Easter and Christmas. He is home for the summer now. I will miss him when he goes back (but not the mess he makes, his late nights and his household belongings laying about the house). He is very happy at Uni which makes it so much easier and he chats to us about Uni life, the friends he has made and some of his adventures etc. So we still feel part of his life.

You will be fine.

@Daddylonglegs123 you have summed it up perfectly.

I would also add we will not miss the unwashed dishes by the side of the sink nor the pile of Uni stuff in the corner of the dining room. We will miss how DS1 comes downstairs for his first coffee of the day. 🤣

We have weekly video calls and use Snapchat so this makes things bearable, however it's definitely better having him home.

mrswhiplington · 29/08/2023 10:04

Riverlee · 29/08/2023 09:36

Trigger warning:
Mamma Mia’s “Slipping through my fingers” sums the emotions. Don’t listen to it if you want to be a crying, emotional mess!

When I first heard this song I cried like a baby. When she sang the words "school bag in hand" all I could see was my little girl. She's not so little anymore. Just finished 3 years of uni. Starting her Masters soon. I cried when she first went to uni, it is completely normal to feel this way. Try and keep busy. Christmas will be here before you know it.

Unusualactualname · 29/08/2023 10:05

DO NOT go to see Toy Story 3 the week before your younger offspring leaves to go to University. I was a sobbing wreck in the cinema.

TheSituationIsUnique · 29/08/2023 10:09

I think what you’re feeling is pretty normal, it’s certainly what we’re feeling and what all my friends have felt/are feeling. A mix of excitement, pride and sadness, it’s a big change for everyone involved.

My son will be leaving and moving into halls in a few weeks, he’s feeling the same mix of emotions too. We’re making the most of the next few weeks.

mrswhiplington · 29/08/2023 10:10

Unusualactualname · 29/08/2023 10:05

DO NOT go to see Toy Story 3 the week before your younger offspring leaves to go to University. I was a sobbing wreck in the cinema.

😥

ThreeLeggedCat · 29/08/2023 10:13

My Mum was like this for 3 weeks after my brother and I both left for Uni at the same time. After three weeks, she picked herself up and never looked back 😁!!

MrsCarson · 29/08/2023 10:14

I shouldn't have opened this thread.
My last child goes off to Uni next month. The first going wasn't too bad, as I was so busy I didn't have chance to miss him and saw him often.
Now the baby! The one who shoved me out the classroom door and said "you can go now" on her first day of Kindergarten.
She'll probably shove me out of the dorm room too once we get her sorted.

GolgafrinchamB · 29/08/2023 10:14

I thought I’d be fine, I was so excited on his behalf, and I loved that he was embracing independence.

Until the day we moved him in. I was like I’d been bereaved for the whole first term - I couldn’t believe how much I missed him.

Let yourself miss her, but don’t make that a burden on her, OP. It honestly does get easier, but that first term is hard going as you adjust to this new stage of life.

dontletsaskforthemoon · 29/08/2023 10:21

@Riverlee I can't even bear to THINK about that song, let alone play it!

I think that it's not just the fact that they go off to Uni, it's the realisation that this is the 'start of them moving out/away for good'. My DS has 2 more years at Uni and I know that once they're done, he'll be moving in with his gf - this has already been discussed. So when he went to Uni, it was the beginning of him moving out, becoming more independent and not 'needing' me (and DH) so much. That realisation was horrible and I was very sad and cried loads when DS started Uni.

DD is off next month so it starts all over again. 😬

But you aren't alone; we're all in it too and somehow that makes things a little better.

TizerorFizz · 29/08/2023 10:23

@Blinkinbloodyhayfever Please please don’t make DD choose a local uni so she can see you at weekends. All these Dc deserve to go to the best uni they can. They need to fly and make friends. This becomes far more difficult if they are going home to mum all the time. They won’t get the invites out or to parties. So make the decision on what DD needs, not you.

Im probably the odd one out here. DDs had weekly boarded so they just went from school to uni seamlessly for all of us. We are close but used to making separate lives to an extent. DDs were happy and we supported their choices. We found they contacted us when they needed to but we didn’t demand to know everything about their lives at uni. I’m sure not all decisions they made were perfect or what I would have done, but they learn to be self sufficient. That’s a great thing and to be celebrated..

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