To ask people who have had binge-eating disorder to tell me how they recovered?

[herewegoroundthebastardbush]

Wrong board I know but inspired by the 'is it fair on your partner to get fat' thread.

I am a binge-eater. It's driving me crazy, ruining my body, my mind and my life. AND YET. I can't stop. That thread has just reminded me there are hosts of people, the majority of people, who don't understand that at all - who just cannot believe it is anything deeper or more compulsive than gluttony and laziness.

But I am miserable at the weight I am (14 stone at 5 foot 6, I'm 38 years old and put on most of this weight in the 5 years since my mother died). It hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurts. I am miserable in a constant fog of tiredness from too much sugar and processed carbs (my binge items of 'choice'). I sleep badly. I have no spending money because it all goes on binge food. If I could stop, believe me, really, truly, I would stop. But I can't.

So I don't want to hear from people who haven't been here - I know you might all have the best of intentions, but I don't need the scepticism or to be told to just eat less and move more or to be told to pull myself up by my bootstraps and stop being so weak/greedy/disgusting. I can do all that for myself, and do, regularly. It doesn't work.

I want to hear from people who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about - but have managed to stop. I don't even mind if you never lost weight; just that you managed to get the binge-eating under control. And how did you do it?

The internet is awful for this, any Google search just pulls up a load of thinly disguised ads for £££ 'nutrition plans', supplements, gastric band surgery or Ozempic. I mean if that's what it takes that's what it takes, but I'd like to hear that from people who aren't trying to sell me something.

Also - if you did manage to stop - are you happpier? Or has the sadness just found another place to live?

Yes like tidying! That is so insightful. And definitely making things disappear. I used to spend ages replacing things so no one would notice, and then taking wrappers to public bins.

Thank you, I will

Hi op didn't want to read and run. Name changed to share my experience as I know how difficult this is.
Mine started during the pandemic, my parents live in a different country and I felt very lonely where I was, so got into the eat and restrict cycle.
Things that worked for me:
-get rid of the scale
-stop restricting. It just makes you attack food.
-work with a nutritionist who works on eating behavior, not focusing on weight loss / diet. Work on mindful eating.
-the book overcome binge eating by Fairburn
My take from this is until you are healed you shouldn't focus on weight loss, it will backfire. It does take time and a lot of mental focus but I can assure you I feel much better and in control around food after about 6 months.

I can really relate OP buy I have no easy solutions.

Yes it's easier to binge on ultra processed foods (whole packet of biscuits, 4 pastries in a few minutes), but believe me if the urge is there youdo it on healthy food... non stop organic nuts, a grass-fed beef steak, size fit for a rugby player, 5 types of veg instead of 2 or 3, big portion of healthy fermented dairy, lovely homemade wholemeal sourdough yaddah yaddah yaddah. Low carbon is great - but I can wolf down grilled chicken breast like it's water. The type of food is only a part of the problem.

I do yoga and meditate. love them. Again they live in a different part of my brain to the binge one.

I have read the brain over binge book, I could not relate to it at all. I love reading nutrition books, love cooking and organising meals - it's a virtuous hobby and an outlet for creativity. Sometimes I feel my life is taken over by food. That's why things like fasting are so attractive, it gives you a huge chunk of your life and your mental space back.

OP you have a lot of trauma in your life and therapy might be an option. At the moment i binge because honestly, I like it. The out of control element is scary. I have just hit 25 bmi so I feel I should be doing something. But I enjoy the mindlessness of it all.

Triggers for me I suppose are a family who are all naturally underweight and are happy body and weight-shaming. And being prescribed antidepressants to manage anxiety - they completely took away any sensation of fullness, even months after going off them. I would say avoid them if you can. I cannot eat intuitively, there is no ever "having enough" or "feeling full" for me. I want to eat more even when my tummy is taught like a drum. Ideally I would eat all the time, I am practising restriction 99% of the time.

Also... I know we are not supposed to refer to other forums but I find reddit really to the point and with lots of useful advice from people who have actually been there.

Probably not useful to you OP but I wanted you to know that yes I can relate to the type of bingeing you describe.

Could you DM me this guys details please?

It didn’t work overnight for me - because I always need more time to understand stuff! - but it did work, alongside really listening to my body properly and recognising what food helps me feel good and what makes me feel rubbish. I was tired of feeling (physically) rubbish.

NC

You can stop, but it ain't easy. I was a binge eater and just over 13st at 5ft 4. I would eat 4x custard slices, a whole packet of biscuits, a 6 pack of jam doughnuts, a 4 pack of Mars bars etc etc, not all at once, but something of that genre every single day. I was struggling to get into a size 16 and looked hideous in photos. Luckily or maybe unluckily I didn't have any past trauma to blame, I just liked eating junky food, and lots of it.

I decided on 1st July this year that enough was enough, but I'm lazy, and wanted the results, but wanted somebody to 'do it for me.' So I asked DH who used to be a chef if he would 'take over' my diet. I was strictly on 1200 calories per day, he provided a menu every day, and cooked the food for me to eat. I ate only what was on 'the menu' and nothing at all else. In addition I joined a really lovely gym (DL) and signed up for loads of classes. So the lovely food was provided, and the gym was a pleasure to go to.

I can honestly say that I am a completely different person. I've now taken back control of my own diet after 6 weeks in 'special measures' and absolutely love going to the gym - it really is a treat to go. I stopped smoking 12+ years ago and have never smoked again since. I feel the same now, like something has permanently changed and I'll not go back.

I've currently lost 1st 8lb and feel so much happier. It can be done!

I think giving diet advice to a binge eater is like giving stop smoking advice to an alcoholic smoker.

It's not addressing the real issue.
It gives more rules and restrictions.
It relies on honestly. If you're an addict you just lie and say you had museli for breakfast. Then sit in your car and stuff your face with donuts.

Replacing stolen food was a speciality of mine. There is nothing I wouldn't steal and replace.

I took some chocolate out of my flat mates bin and ate it. Didn't replace that - just took the bin out. Disgusting.

I pull my hair out -Trichotillomania- and the way you describe the trance is exactly what happens to me. I’m aware I’m doing it, but also oddly unable to stop until I’ve got all the slightly crinkly hairs. I will think ‘this is going to look awful, I should stop now’ while still pulling pulling pulling.

I did a mixture of Melanie Tonia Evans' Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (it's nnot just for narcissistic abuse, it's for any emotional problem) and intuitive eating.

It actually got rid of me starving myself a couple of years ago and I've now not binged for ages - not this year at all for definite.

However because of all the years of being on a diet, my metabolism is fucked. I eat normally now, but I am fat. but I have no intention of starving myself any more.

Easy for me to say at approaching 60, but actually, I am far more positive about my body now (I stopped weighing at 13 stone) than I was in my 20s, when I burst into tears because I weighed 9 stone and believed I was disgustingly fat.

I remain extremely healthy (I've always loved exercise), and when you look into the research, a lot of the 'evidence' that fatness causes health problems falls down under even the slightest scrutiny. Aubrey Gordon's book 'What we don't talk about when we talk about fat' and her podcast 'Maintenance Phase' with Michael Hobbs are both brilliant introductions into how to understand the huge con that is the diet industry in general.

The fact is that diets do not work to make a life-long weight change - but being eating disordered does. Which is why it's taken me this long to give up the way I've eaten (and not eaten) since I was about 14.

My fat is my evidence that I have changed and so I embrace it. But be warned - the teeny tinies on MN believe that eating 'normally' (what they eat is far from normal) will create weight loss if you are overweight. It could well be that it is only your eating disorder that is keeping you as thin as you are.

I hope my metabilism will change now I do eat like a normal person (as in I think about food very little unless I am actually hungry) - but if it doesn't then I don't care. Because I only think about food when I am hungry and not almost every minute of every day, like I did for the rest of my life.

OA.

I didn't have binge eating disorder diagnosed - but it was 40 years ago and everything didn't have a label then. I just changed from an unhappy stressful life (living at home with depressed mother, doing A levels, father very ill with cancer) to a happy life - University, living independently, genuinely busy all the time, many new friends and interests. Cured my over-eating completely.

Following

I suffered with bulimia in my teens and early twenties. My weight didn’t really fluctuate but I did gradually gain weight. When I look back I realise that I was a normal shape but I have a big frame. I carried very little fat but even at my skinniest I was a size 12. It’s a different sort of binge eating and very destructive. It took me a long time to conquer and even now if I eat the foods I used to binge on ( high fat foods that were easy to bring up such as ice cream) I sometimes still purge.
Now I’m 4 stone heavier and defo carry excessive fat but I’m in a much better place with my body image.
I have put on 2 stone over the last 2 years but that is a result of medication for breast cancer. The meds cause fluid retention in my joints and particularly my spine so I was unable to do very much. I’m now on diuretics and pretty much back to normal. I’m taking the slow road to weight loss but it is disappearing.
Binge eating is almost always in response to psychological problems/stress. Food is comfort.
Not long after I finished cancer treatment my DH had a stroke. I think this tipped me over the edge and I turned to food again. It is a sort of addiction and you have to go through the process of acknowledging the problem.
I have to force myself to take control and just don’t fill the house with foods that will trigger me.
Im not a big fan of chocolate or biscuits but love cheese and bread. Fortunately I have an 18yr old food hoover who eats anything and everything. I don’t get the chance to eat most of the things that trigger me.
I learned to control overeating in order to stop purging. It worked, but with some help from medication for a health condition. The drug suppressed my hunger centre and because I have taken it most of my adult life it continues to help. I noticed that when I had a break from the meds my eating habits reverted to over indulging. It’s not an easy drug to take but I will be on it for life.
Obviously there is a difference between binge eating and bulimia but I suspect the the trigger is similar. Bulimia incorporates a control but by purging before food can be absorbed.
I have found that intermittent fasting satisfies both the binge and control pathology of my eating disorder. Eating in a small window of time means that you tend to be too full to binge.
It does take willpower but after a few weeks it just becomes a way of life.

Just to add having cancer tends to alter your approach to life. You either become a major pain about healthy eating, which has absolutely no bearing on whether your cancer returns or no, or you join the “fuck it” brigade. I may only have a limited time left so fuck it, I’m going to enjoy every minute and that includes not depriving myself of delicious food. However there is evidence that being a healthy weight is an advantage post cancer so I eat what I want but just a lot less of it.

So glad it worked for you too! I feel physically so much better now,and mentally as I'm not always stressing about and thinking about food