To ask people who have had binge-eating disorder to tell me how they recovered?

[herewegoroundthebastardbush]

Wrong board I know but inspired by the 'is it fair on your partner to get fat' thread.

I am a binge-eater. It's driving me crazy, ruining my body, my mind and my life. AND YET. I can't stop. That thread has just reminded me there are hosts of people, the majority of people, who don't understand that at all - who just cannot believe it is anything deeper or more compulsive than gluttony and laziness.

But I am miserable at the weight I am (14 stone at 5 foot 6, I'm 38 years old and put on most of this weight in the 5 years since my mother died). It hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurts. I am miserable in a constant fog of tiredness from too much sugar and processed carbs (my binge items of 'choice'). I sleep badly. I have no spending money because it all goes on binge food. If I could stop, believe me, really, truly, I would stop. But I can't.

So I don't want to hear from people who haven't been here - I know you might all have the best of intentions, but I don't need the scepticism or to be told to just eat less and move more or to be told to pull myself up by my bootstraps and stop being so weak/greedy/disgusting. I can do all that for myself, and do, regularly. It doesn't work.

I want to hear from people who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about - but have managed to stop. I don't even mind if you never lost weight; just that you managed to get the binge-eating under control. And how did you do it?

The internet is awful for this, any Google search just pulls up a load of thinly disguised ads for £££ 'nutrition plans', supplements, gastric band surgery or Ozempic. I mean if that's what it takes that's what it takes, but I'd like to hear that from people who aren't trying to sell me something.

Also - if you did manage to stop - are you happpier? Or has the sadness just found another place to live?

Thank you for this post, it resonates and I will try some of the suggestions though I am a bit leery of slimming world due to their rep as a sort of chronic diet-relapse type system.

I should hav mentioned this as well but I also have "always" binged and secret eaten (or at least since I was in primary school). I remember selling my toys to friends at school so I could buy sweets, stealing change from around the house to buy treats. Once I stole my sister's whole big bar of galaxy she'd been given for Easter because I'd already eaten mine in about 50 seconds. I used to hide sweets in my room as a teen.

Interestingly the only times I have NOT had at least some sort of binging behaviours is when I've lived "alone", which basically means when I was in halls and shared houses at university. So at precisely the time I COULD have eaten anything I pleased, I tend to be more moderate. Wonder if there's anything in that.

I became a binge eater over 20 years ago when my mum died. I’d always ‘eaten my feelings, but I could always then reverse the damage without too much weight gain. However, dealing with grief, a divorce and house moves, I lost all control and put on 6 stone in a year. It was like being in a trance. You know you want crisps but it didn’t really matter what type or flavour, I just had to enough until I felt physically sick (usually around 12 bags). Sometimes it was chocolate, sometimes it was chips etc. When eating, I took no enjoyment from it, I just felt numb. It was was only after about 14 months that my life became more settled and finally, it was like a switch had been flicked and I began to notice what I was eating. I always knew how to eat healthy meals and I did lose a substantial amount of weight. However, my weight has continued to go up and down over the years (the most recent significant weight gain was 5 stone but that was over several years dealing with family trauma). I tried everything over the years to deal with my binging (hypnosis, slimming clubs, medication, counselling etc) but none of it worked for me long term. The only thing that helps me is if my life feels relatively calm. It’s like I can then focus on myself. I have lost 4 stone over the past 2 years (and I’m a healthy weight) and I think it helps that I now recognise a binge when it happens, accept it and then the next day forgive myself. The binging only lasts for a day or two now and the rest of the time I can eat regular amounts. I know I’ll always deal with my feelings like this but I feel confident now it will happen less often. The only other thing that has really helped is that I won’t eat crisps. Not a single crisp! This was my main trigger food and this is the only food I have given up. It has taken me decades to get to where I am now but when the time is right, you will know. Be kind to yourself and eventually you will begin to believe you’re worth looking after.

Place marking xxx

I have experienced binge eating disorder for just about as long as I can remember (40 now), and I lost hope more than once I could figure out a way for food to not be a focal point in my life, and to not have more control over me than I want it to.

The things that have helped me have been Corinne Crabtree's No BS weightloss program and community, and coaching with a private weightloss coach from her program to keep me accountable and help me implement do-able changes for me and where I am right now. I decided to do some things I really didn't want to do, like be completely honest and raw and vulnerable about my compulsive & binge eating so I could be coached through what triggers a binge and how to deal with my triggers, and also I ditched sugary items like chocolate, cream cakes, cakes, desserts in general as sugar is the thing I struggle most with and I personally just felt like moderation didn't work so maybe elimination would work for me.

I'm 3 months in, had 1 binge that I moved on from without it turning into a multi-day epic (and I binged daily, without fail for years before this), and am down 15kgs. If you want more info or links, or to ask me any questions, DM me and I will happily answer any qs you have. I am honestly so relieved to have found a way to live 'normally' that feels sustainable and is completely tailored to me and literally does not allow food restrictions. The weight is falling off, I'm not dieting or restricting in any way, I'm feeling tons better mentally because I'm not beating myself up for failing to control my eating, and I do have a lot more money than I used to because it's not going on food :)

Also learn to spot any triggers. For example - one of mine is what I thought was a need for food and turned out to be too much stomach acid, and acidic food such as citrus fruit which I thought I was eating to be healthy actually made it worse! So.I now take my gut health very seriously.

My real danger zone is the week before my period- I now take Starflower oil which helps a lot.

I had to identify the triggers for me to start binging - which in my case was stress and trauma. I used getting better bite by bite which helped. I tried therapy but that really didn’t help me.

it was a horrible couple of years of keeping a diary and seeing the patterns of binging and why and when. I made myself ‘sit with the feelings’ after doing it rather than beat myself up and then had to reset my mind for the next day so as not to sabotage myself. I was very secretive and so it was always when I was alone in the house.

I also had to reset my mind as a previous poster said about not denying anything. If I wanted a biscuit I had it but didn’t eat the packet cos I knew I could have more tomorrow and then next day etc. it seems to have worked for me and now when I’m stressed I know the triggers and not to fall into the trap of whole boxes and packets of stuff which upset my sugar and salt levels. Good luck.

It sounds like you have great self awareness, even though you can't remember much about the actual event you have really good insight into your thought processes around it. That's a great starting point.

I do really recommend some therapy specifically for this issue, ideally with someone who has experience with binge eating.

One more question though - what are your meals/ eating patterns like outside of your bingeing? Do you try to limit calories/ make up for it and restrict yourself when you're not bingeing? Or do you eat normal, satisfying meals and snacks?

Lightbulb moment when I couldn't walk down the street without being in agony. I tried to lose weight but my medication I need to survive was stopping that
April 2022 I had a gastric sleeve. I have not binge ate in nearly two years. I was 22 stone to a fit 8 stone. 2(5feet tall) who loves a good diet and a passion for working out. It's taken sheer willpower but I got there.

I spent years stuffing as much food down in a binge as I could ..I knew I was really stuffing down my feelings ,I’m not good with strong feelings of any kind ,I like to feel nothing..all that forcing food down dulled the roar.
sadly that lead to bulimia for about 30 years on and off ,,..that was a bitch and once it had a hold ,it was like stopping drugs ..6 years ago I started bringing blood up ,so I stopped the being sick ..it was very hard ,I read the bulimia help method ,it helped a bit ,I sort of followed their approach…but I never managed to stop the bingeing ..but at least I wasn’t throwing up
so I lived with that for a few more years ..tried various counselling and CBT ,but it never touched on food ,there was always so much from my childhood to discuss.
I can to the conclusion a while back ,that I have autism and adhd ,and I wasn’t treating myself kindly or giving myself permission to be me .
i also concluded I had a very bad childhood and it wasn’t my fault ,and food is not the love I didn’t receive as a child .
I now try to eat the best I can each day ,focusing on fresh foods ,and steering away from foods I would have used to binge on ..so for me that’s no cereal and milk at all ,and very few crisps no ice cream ect .
I just take it a day at a time,I will never be cured ,it’s gone on for to long ,but I’m trying my best ,and that’s all you can do too op x

@PrrrplePineapple

Same. I just love the programme. The thought work and coaching is a game changer. It's helping me reverse 40+ years of a binge/restrict cycle.

No more counting calories or gimmick diets for me, ever.

#NoBS

Hi OP
You probably know this already but DON'T calorie count/weight watchers/5:2 or any kind of restriction. That will trigger binges. I know posters mean we'll but these kind of suggestions show they have no idea! I think it will probably be a long slow journey will a few steps forward and a few back for you. Here's what I recommend to start with

1. Have a high protein/ and low carb, filling breakfast (not suggesting low carb diet, just for breakfast)
2. Get reading! Start with just eat it by Laura Thomas and brain over binge.
3. Don't try to lose weight - focus on trying to include lots of fibre, protein, whole foods.

I'm no expert - try and get support from BEAT or similar, be positive - you can get better. Sending love

For me, the sadness has gone elsewhere because I'm not in a position to really address the root cause yet.

As many others have described, childhood traumas, low self-esteem, suicide attempts in my teens… became anorexic and ‘luckily’, at 6st, found a ‘wonderful’ solution in the form of bulimia… but was very antisocial as not a lifestyle that easily accommodates social interactions… I might have been expected to drink and/or eat. Food, diet and weight dominated my life.

Weight became more normal around 7.5 st in 20s but disordered eating also became normalised. Binging, purging, laxatives.. daily, sometimes multiple weigh-ins with virtual starvation days in between. My body was never thin enough to damp down inner critic and self-hatred.

Getting pregnant helped. Made me determined not to vomit. Rationally I knew baby would not suffer; my reserves of vitamins and minerals would be depleted but it felt so wrong to ‘feel’ as though I was depriving a growing child.

Baby fine, my life continued to suffer disordered eating but not so extreme. Weight stabilised around 8 stones for good few years but slowly gained weight till I was ‘huge’. In my mind. Had to lose weight.

I’m not cured but low carb eating keeps cravings at bay. I can enjoy the freedom of eating plenty of veg, the fullness it gives. Read somewhere that binging is a way to swallow feelings or fill an emptiness within… I believe this.

low carb helped me lose weight and am now a healthy weight and have found a certain level of peace and self-acceptance. Low carb isn’t a magic bullet but is, for me, a wonderful help. I still have odd days when binges overwhelm me but my life is no longer dominated by thoughts of food and avoidance strategies.

I wish you all the best and hope you find a way that helps you out of the despair that uncontrolled, guilty eating can cause.

It's like a completely different world. I love to cook. I make my own bread! I have young kids and we eat family meals so it's all good healthy food. Breakfast is usually porridge or eggs, lunch is sandwiches or beans or eggs or soup, dinner can be anything from roast dinner to pasta to stir-fry to stuffed pittas to baked potatoes - so a bit carby perhaps but always with a protein and a couple of veg, at least one green. We eat pulses, we cook from scratch, buy decent meat etc. I don't really "snack" outside of that; only binge. It's a bit schizophrenic.

I stopped binge eating by removing the opportunity to do so!

I'd binge eat when I was alone, either on long commutes or just a few hours on my own at work or in the home. I tried for years to stop, but even after a good period, I always went back to it. I topped at 23 stones! It all started in primary school when I started getting friends to buy crisps from the tuck shop which I ate in the toilets at breaks - my way of kicking back at teachers who reported me for being overweight and eating the odd packet of crisps at school - parents over-reacted putting me on a diet of salad, so I rebelled in private!

I realised that I didn't binge eat when with other people so I changed jobs to one a lot closer where my commute was so short, I didn't have opportunity nor time to stop at shops/garages to buy stuff! That new job was also in a bigger firm, so more people around, so I couldn't binge in the office. I seldom binged at home as there was usually someone else around. I also stopped buying multipacks of crisps, chocolate bars, etc - I'd be terrible with them, I'd open a multipack and eat the lot in one go! If they weren't in the house, I couldn't eat them, so I bought single packs/bars instead, only 1 or 2 at a time, yes, cost more, but I couldn't eat what I didn't have, and ended up cheaper overall!

Lost 8 stones and never put it back on, as I'm hyper aware of avoiding the old "triggers" of long commutes alone, working or living alone. Take away the opportunity and however much I "want" to binge, I can't! The yearning is still there, and, yes, I still binge occasionally, say when I'm on a long drive alone and pass a fuel station, but it's more like once a month now instead of daily!

Thank you all everyone for all the posts - some speak to me more than others but all of them are kind, helpful and understanding which means so much, especially after seeing the other thread and all the hatred there for people who have lost control of their eating and their weight. It's a slap in the face about how people must see me, people who are nice and polite to my face, like school gate mums, but have seen me balloon over the last few years and probably at least some of them hold those views - disgusting, lazy, greedy, unattractive, slobby, no self-respect. I mean I suppose I must know this really but it's strange, I am so aware that this is me expressing a sock ess within, the fat is a symptom of me being very unwell in my mind, and I forget that a lot of others just see it as "a bad choice" and judge accordingly.

It's made such a difference seeing both the solidarity from those who have been where I , the recognition from those with other types of EDs, and the kindness of 'normal' people who nevertheless want to help and can see this isn't just a case of me being a weak, venal, bad person. It all helps so much.

Brain Over Binge has come up again and again so I will definitely buy that. I think I also need to talk to a therapist who specialises in EDs - I've been counselled until the cows come home and I really don't think it can do any more for me,I know my traumas and I think I understand how they play out in me, I do have insight into a lot of my behaviour, but none of that has flipped the magic switch that would enable me to stop harming myself like this. I think I need a specialist.

Thank you all again, and any more ideas and advice please do keep them coming, I will be reading them all.

I so want to be a good role model for my daughters, someone healthy and fit and self loving with a great relationship with food and with their own body. Someone who can pick them up and run with them. Someone who shares her treats with her family rather than hiding them and eating them alone. It appalls me a bit that that is not motivation enough to stop this, and just shows me how strong a hold this has over me, as I would literally die for them but I can't stop killing myself for them. It is mad. And I have to find a way out of it, even if that means spending all my money on therapy or medicine or surgery or whatever. I just have to.

Thank you all so much.

I love cooking and feeding others but can't stand the thought of eating what I cook.

Me too! So amazing to find another #NoBSWoman here :)

You are not weak! I would say please don't undergo any surgery unless you are on the pathway to help the symptoms x

I’m with you op. I get frustrated with myself because I don’t even think I binge because of trauma/unresolved feelings.

I just really enjoy bingeing! I’m sure sugar addiction is a large part of it. And also the feeling of being ‘naughty’ I’m so bloody well behaved in the rest of my life I think part of the secretive eating is the rebellious child in me saying ‘fuck being sensible I’m doing this cos I can’

I have a binge eating disorder and I am managing it will coaching support which costs a premium.
The principles however are outlined in this book, which is what the NHS guidelines are based around. Christopher G. Fairburn
Overcoming Binge Eating, Second Edition: The Proven Program to Learn Why You Binge and How You Can Stop

I had a yo yo diet relationship with food. Very restricted (think VLCD) and then uncontrolled binge eating of anything I could get my hands on.

I’m still struggling and unfortunately I’m not fully recovered yet, (I have good weeks and bad weeks but past few months I’ve been making progress and having a lot more good weeks than bad weeks)

things that have been helping me - I eat for comfort - it feels good, it’s makes me feel good and relieves stress for me so I had to find something else to “treat and reward” me and help lift some stress -

• hot baths - water bill has probably gone up - sometimes I will soak in the bath every night just to pamper myself and occasionally I’ll have a cup of tea in the bath - I feel relaxed, I lotion myself with nice creams and brush my teeth and when I come out, I don’t even want to eat anything anymore. I also try to get to the sauna and steam room at my gym a couple times a week but I understand that’s a privilege and not everyone has a sauna at their gym
• where I can - eating in public, around people - if I am desperately craving biscuits or chocolate, I allow myself to have it, and I don’t deny myself treats, but I’m more likely to stick to 3 or 4 pieces (rather than the hold family size bar, or the whole packet of biscuits) when I’m eating with others. I find when I secret eat, it’s when I can’t resist the urge to binge.
• having a hot drink when I feel I want to binge or feeling peckish (when I know I’m not hungry because I’ve had dinner) - so a cup of tea or low-sugar hot choc or low fat/sugar milkshake. Sometimes I’ll have two cups in a row. It’s not perfect but it’s better than scoffing - 4 packets of crisps
• being open with a few trusted others about my struggles with food (but only ones who I know can be supportive and not judgemental - friends who will give you a hug and not a disapproving look if they see you reaching for a “fix” as I call it
• enjoying myself and trying to do more fun things to get a dopamine fix that is not food related, simply pleasures like playing Uno, swimming, watching silly videos to laugh etc
• not being to hard on myself. I’ve tried every diet under the sun. I end up being too hard on myself and hating myself and sabotaging it. Now i don’t call it a diet. I just call it “being mindful of what I need”. If I fee hungry, I eat, but I also think, what else am I feeling, am I sad, worried, annoyed, bored, needing comfort, etc and try to meet those other needs first before going for food.

like I said , sometimes I have bad days, but I’m doing a lot better than I was and starting to lose some weight now, not loads, but a shift in the right direction.

Trouble is OP that as much as I hate myself for it, I don't want to stop. I love that feeling of stuffing my face, it makes me feel satiated and fulfilled in some sick way.

I often wonder if binge eating existed in the old days. Did the Victorians binge eat? What on? Somehow I can't imagine it