To ask people who have had binge-eating disorder to tell me how they recovered?

[herewegoroundthebastardbush]

Wrong board I know but inspired by the 'is it fair on your partner to get fat' thread.

I am a binge-eater. It's driving me crazy, ruining my body, my mind and my life. AND YET. I can't stop. That thread has just reminded me there are hosts of people, the majority of people, who don't understand that at all - who just cannot believe it is anything deeper or more compulsive than gluttony and laziness.

But I am miserable at the weight I am (14 stone at 5 foot 6, I'm 38 years old and put on most of this weight in the 5 years since my mother died). It hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurts. I am miserable in a constant fog of tiredness from too much sugar and processed carbs (my binge items of 'choice'). I sleep badly. I have no spending money because it all goes on binge food. If I could stop, believe me, really, truly, I would stop. But I can't.

So I don't want to hear from people who haven't been here - I know you might all have the best of intentions, but I don't need the scepticism or to be told to just eat less and move more or to be told to pull myself up by my bootstraps and stop being so weak/greedy/disgusting. I can do all that for myself, and do, regularly. It doesn't work.

I want to hear from people who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about - but have managed to stop. I don't even mind if you never lost weight; just that you managed to get the binge-eating under control. And how did you do it?

The internet is awful for this, any Google search just pulls up a load of thinly disguised ads for £££ 'nutrition plans', supplements, gastric band surgery or Ozempic. I mean if that's what it takes that's what it takes, but I'd like to hear that from people who aren't trying to sell me something.

Also - if you did manage to stop - are you happpier? Or has the sadness just found another place to live?

Op, I know exactly what you are going through. I could have written this post. I always binged and then restricted for days after but slowly slowly the restricting got less and the binging took over.

it was like my body would keep picking and picking at me until I caved and it always had to be the perfect combination of sugar, carbs to sort of hit the spot then the picking would stop.

I wanted to die and you are so right that no one understands or gets it. I tried counselling but they said I hadn’t hit rock bottom as I couldn’t stop.

I wasn’t even hugely overweight. I think 3 stones but the being out of control and hating the way I looked was enough.

this will be an unpopular opinion but I had a gastric sleeve 2 years ago and it was the best thing I ever done. I haven’t looked back. I know I was going to either eat myself to death or kill myself due to the hatred I felt. I decided to have the sleeve and couple it with the gym and overeaters anonymous and three all together worked. It was a very helpful tool and I have no regrets. No real issues have came up, I would do it again tomorrow and I honestly think that the money I spent on the surgery and hotels etc I would have eaten through in 5 months easily.

@Yajebbend did you go abroad for the op?

The glucose goddess books and instagram posts helped me out of this situation amazingly well! And I have tried every suggestion mentioned above over the past 18 years!
Blood glucose control was the key for me.

The 5:2 diet will not help a binge eater. This is terrible advice. The 5:2 tipped me into a binge eating disorder. Please don’t think about dieting OP it’s a minefield.

The things that helped me were specialist binge eating therapy and taking dieting off the table completely. I am not the size I would ideally like to be but I don’t binge now and I have much more enjoyment of food and no shame. Focus on the shame to start with it’s so important to tackle this first.

Yep went to Egypt very difficult decision to make but not one regret

Really research it. I researched and researched and met up with people. The guy I went to is GMC registered and is the best in the game

I don't think diet advice is what OP is after. Following any kind of diet won't address binge eating long term. You need proper psychology help to understand why you binge eat and what are your triggers and what mechanisms you can use to stop yourself from going down that road.
Essentially OP. You need therapy.

Therapy. Tried a couple of people until I found one that clicked. Got to the bottom of why I binged, why it was in secret, why did it start, the shame, all of it. Found out what I really needed when I binged (a way to calm my mind and a hug usually). Don’t binge anymore because I don’t need to. If I feel the “sadness” (for me, it’s feeling overwhelmed), I can express it and get distraction in healthier ways.

Did lose some weight when I stopped, but i had been binging for about 20 years and I was very obese. Had a gastric bypass to fix that, but only once my head was fixed. Lost about 7 stone (don’t get me wrong, I’m still not “thin”, but I’m a size 16-18 at 5 ft9, which is better than the size 26 I used to be). Have remained at the same weight for 5 years now, which I never would have thought possible.

Ask your GP to refer to an Eating Disorder service. Good luck

I think I would still do it again. I have had it ‘de restricted’ a few times and I went BONKERS. I put on a stone in a month.

I was out of control as I was just ravenous.

in terms of issues - nobody knows. My husband and 2 best friends but not even my children. I look a bit weird if I eat out as I don’t clear my plate. I lie and say oh I was Talking too much / ate earlier/saving myself for pudding etc. family meals are tricky. No pizza or pasta for me!

so in terms of issues there’s a sense of shame still / that I’ve kind of cheated. But I now run long distance, have no health problems whatsoever and keep a steady weight. I used to worry about not getting enough vitamins and minerals etc but I’ve worked hard to eat well (vegetarian now) so I make my peace that this is the best I can do for myself.

I don’t think they do the band anymore - I think it’s the sleeve. But yes - I think I prefer non fat me.

For me it was a number of things. Growing out if it to some extent by
Learning more about how my brain works
Realising I'm an 'abstainer', more self awareness. Realising I need a deadline/goal
Fasting

I was desperate to lose weight for my wedding and tried a 24 hour fast and felt rather liberated not to have to make food choices that day. I skip breakfast most days now as bf usually makes me hungry.

As a result of the fasting my capacity has reduced generally. Before I used to binge by getting a massive takeaway. Enough for 3 at least and could easily eat two plate full before feeling full. Now I feel uncomfortable half way through the first. I stopped the takeaway binges for that reason. I stopped enjoying them.

This was true for other binges too. They have gotten smaller or more spread out.

I'm working on the weight loss side but I'm fortunate enough that it isn't caused by emotional eating. I'm just addicted to food, I crave it constantly and I just seem to have a bigger appetite then most people.

I have had an ED (and perhaps truthfully still do as I think they stay with you but you get much better at managing them and much less consumed by it) but it’s not like yours and I don’t have any specific advice even though I wish I could help.

But I want to say how absolutely lovely you have been on this thread. Open, honest, self aware and genuinely kind and patient with all those offering advice and support even if some of it misses the mark. I so hope you find a way forwards as you deserve to be happy and free from your compulsions and I wish you nothing but peace and joy OP.

And trust me not everyone who sees someone’s body changing links that to anything other than just one of those things. I don’t think much of it at all as there are always so many reasons our bodies change with time and I wouldn’t judge or particularly give it much headspace and I know many other people wouldn’t either. I would be watching your smile and how you talk and behave around other people not the body you are living in.

Good luck OP. I’m genuinely sure you can crack this.

I understand.

I'm a binge eater in phases, large family sized portions of things, in secret, hiding food and wrappers.

I know for me it's tied into stress and painful feelings and feeling helpless to resolve the situation I'm in (usually been connected to bad relationships). Like you my general diet is surprisingly healthy considering my size, I got fat due to the extra binges.

The only way out from a really bad phase was to change the situation.

I can still binge sometimes but I'm losing weight again, slowly.

If I get the urge I try to identify what negative emotion is actually at the root of it. And think about that while distracting myself from food -what else can I do to chip away at that emotion, is there a decision I need to make, is there a small action I can take, etc. It's like my body is warning me with a binge urge, that there's something I need to sort out.

@herewegoroundthebastardbush

I haven't read everyone's responses yet but wanted to say, yes I get it.

Your comment about the hot cross buns... I have done that many times; whole packets of biscuits, multi packs of crisps etc etc.

I have type 2 diabetes and am slowly killing myself with the strong chance of going blind.

I've no answers op (& am going to rtft properly in a minute to see what advice there is) but I do get it and I really understand the out of control, feeling mental comments too.

I seem fairly normal in the rest of my life but around food I have no control. I'm obsessed.

Ozempic ! All the food chatter is gone i am not obsessing over food

Just been reading the full thread and this bit has struck a chord with me, OP:
But when I'm actually eating, I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't really remember the eating particularly, or the pleasure, or the taste. I'm sure I must be thinking something, but there is nothing distinct attached to the memory, or even much of a memory at all.

For me, it turned out that binging was about the absence of thinking. Simply put, when I was eating, I wasn’t thinking. And when I was planning a binge, I only had to think about that. So I kept eating so that I didn’t have to feel overwhelmed or think about whatever was upsetting me. The reason for the binging was to stop the thinking. Might it be similar for you?

This I think is true-a binge is like a smoke alarm but it’s trying to draw your attention to something in your life that needs dealing with emotionally or otherwise. It’s rarely anything to do with food. But having said that, if you diet/restrict, you will increase the likelihood of a binge hugely because - stating the obvious - you will be hungry and feel deprived!

NO diets/rules around food. At least to begin with - further down the path to recovery, consideration around nutrition can be brought into play. Regular meals should be the only rule so you don’t get to a point when you are ravenous. Keeping on an even keel nutritionally should help a lot and certainly help in isolating the psychological triggers from the physical.

Therapy. YY to finding a specialist counsellor. Your observation about how you ate when you were single is really interesting. What is the key difference between now and then and why you seemingly took better care of yourself/didn’t feel the need to binge at that time?

I tried everything and nothing worked, even attended a private eating disorders clinic for 2 years.. Then I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. The uncontrollable urge to eat turned off completely as soon as I started treatment. For 2 years I ate properly with absolutely zero binges.

Then it all started to go wrong and I relapsed and was binging again. The sleep clinic checked and the apnea was still well controlled. For the next year and a half I felt like shit again. I hate the binging. I hate the food. I hate going to bed and being unable to sleep because I feel like I'm going to vomit from eating too much.

Then a couple of months ago it dawned on me that the relapse coincided with me starting to take antihistamines. So I stopped taking them, and again the drive to binge turned off completely and I haven't done it since.

So in my experience, the solution is identifying the hidden cause. In my case both the apnea and the antihistamines affected how awake my brain felt. I was tired, but not like normal tired. It was like a lump in the centre of my forehead that never quite woke up. I think the binging was my body trying to find the energy to energise it. And that's why I never felt satisfied because no matter what I ate, it never woke up.

For me, the bingeing itself is the least enjoyable part. The excitement - the 'hit' - comes from buying the food and the illicit thrill of knowing I'm going to binge later. The first taste is good. What a hit! But quickly it just becomes a tasteless gorge of junk. An ordeal. And there's also the thrill, the absolute belief, that it will be the last binge I ever do. So I better make it a great binge! Because the diet starts on Monday. But, of course, it never does. It's fucked up.

Read or listen to the book Brain over Binge. For some people binge eating is an addictive behaviour / impulse more like gambling or smoking. This is why you’ll eat the cheese when you don’t have anything better. It’s an itch you need to scratch. But it’s very hard to control the impulse when you’re hungry so you have to stop crash dieting which is hard if that’s how you’ve lived your adult life. Try the book. I’m not cured but im a lot lot better

The solution is actually very simple and rooted in biology. You have to stop all restriction aka diet mindset. Once you allow yourself full food freedom (and you will feel like you are bingeing for a few days/weeks, but keep going...the key is not to restrict after) you will notice your hunger cues come back, your cravings change to a more balanced diet, and your weight stabilises. Don't expect to lose weight - any attempt to reduce weight will trigger the binge reflex

A combination of the Brain over Binge book and podcast, intuitive eating (which I still find so hard) and consistently absorbing books / audio books and podcasts about nutrition.

I’m not thinner. I’m fact part of getting over bingeing meant accepting that living in a calorie deficit was problematic for me and often the cause of bingeing. This desperate longing to be thinner which made me punish myself for eating ‘badly’. My diet is now mostly excellent. I haven’t purged in years. I rarely eat until I’m in pain and I’m so glad.

The trade off has been accepting that I might never lose weight. I might stay the same size for the rest of my life. This feels like most taboo thing I can say as someone who is over weight. But staying the same weight is what happens when you give your body the exact amount of fuel it needs. This is incredibly hard and honestly I haven’t really accepted it. But it’s a journey.

I binged for about 3 or 4 months after my mum died in my 20s. It was compulsive and intrusive and all I could think of. Like I was hypnotised to go and buy food and then stuff myself. The self loathing after….

What helped me was a change in routine. Being back at work. I then started restricting and running and my periods stopped. We were ttc and I had my hormone levels checked and I had an “anorexic profile”. That alone gave me such a shock and a reality check. I managed to reset and have never binged since (20 years on). Although I’m still very controlled about my eating and can get anxious if I have lots of meals out etc…

Good luck. It’s a hellish cycle to be in. 😢

I’ve just read this having binged, it’s something I’ve done for 20+ years and first started when I went to university. As a child I was fairly slim and not really interested in food. My trigger is emotion, when I’m feeling low or happy, it’s a real comfort eater thing. I’ll buy a packet of biscuits and a share bag of chocolates and eat the lot, I can never just have one or two. I’m home alone tonight and ordered near enough the same food I would for the 4 of us and have eaten nearly all.

I go through phases, for the past 6 weeks I’ve been really good, I’ve got back into my running and have really planned healthy meals including taking lunches into work. But then I had Friday on leave, that’s thrown me and started a ‘oooh I’m on holiday let’s have a Friday treat’ it’s then spiralled from there and I’ve now binged everyday for a week, done no exercise and am feeling awful, both physically and mentally.

I have to be really strict with myself and not give myself any leeway. I have to follow such a structured routine around food. But that’s miserable too. But I feel that’s less miserable than the miserable I feel after I’ve binged and am feeling disgusting from being overweight and not sleeping.

It truly is an addiction and people that don’t have it really don’t understand.

I really feel for you OP, but reading this has really inspired me again that I must fight this again, thank you x

I binge, and am considering seeking therapy for it. I've been doing Noom for a few months which has helped to an extent but any excuse or stress and I still binge so it's not getting to the root cause. Just wanted to wish you good luck op, I hope you get some support and manage to overcome it. I never even knew it was an eating disorder as such but my eating is very disordered generally as is that of my siblings so definitely some family stuff behind it! People would be utterly disgusted if they knew what/how much I ate in secret, my husband has no clue.