To ask people who have had binge-eating disorder to tell me how they recovered?

[herewegoroundthebastardbush]

Wrong board I know but inspired by the 'is it fair on your partner to get fat' thread.

I am a binge-eater. It's driving me crazy, ruining my body, my mind and my life. AND YET. I can't stop. That thread has just reminded me there are hosts of people, the majority of people, who don't understand that at all - who just cannot believe it is anything deeper or more compulsive than gluttony and laziness.

But I am miserable at the weight I am (14 stone at 5 foot 6, I'm 38 years old and put on most of this weight in the 5 years since my mother died). It hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurts. I am miserable in a constant fog of tiredness from too much sugar and processed carbs (my binge items of 'choice'). I sleep badly. I have no spending money because it all goes on binge food. If I could stop, believe me, really, truly, I would stop. But I can't.

So I don't want to hear from people who haven't been here - I know you might all have the best of intentions, but I don't need the scepticism or to be told to just eat less and move more or to be told to pull myself up by my bootstraps and stop being so weak/greedy/disgusting. I can do all that for myself, and do, regularly. It doesn't work.

I want to hear from people who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about - but have managed to stop. I don't even mind if you never lost weight; just that you managed to get the binge-eating under control. And how did you do it?

The internet is awful for this, any Google search just pulls up a load of thinly disguised ads for £££ 'nutrition plans', supplements, gastric band surgery or Ozempic. I mean if that's what it takes that's what it takes, but I'd like to hear that from people who aren't trying to sell me something.

Also - if you did manage to stop - are you happpier? Or has the sadness just found another place to live?

Honestly, I saw myself in a photo and felt disgusted.

I'd been in denial about my weight and my diet. I ate healthy in the week and then binge at the weekend and I mean binge. Family size chocolate bars, cocktails made with cream, McDonald's, lattes with syrup. I'd tell myself I deserved it after a busy week and I'd been healthy in the week so it was fine.

I rarely weighed myself and I couldn't see a difference in the mirror, I thought I was 11 stones as that's what I was when I weighed a few months ago. Then in July I went to a friend's birthday and she took loads of photos and put them on facebook (I try to avoid being photographed). I looked awful and massive. Stepped on the scales and I was 12st12lbs (I'm 5'4) nearly 2 stones heavier than I thought and almost clinically obese.

I'm determined to change now. I've started tracking calories and being strict. I've been doing it for a month and lost 5lbs so far. I'm really trying to get out of the mindset of food being a "treat." I can't physically see a change yet but knowing I've lost 5lbs is really encouraging.

It's taken me 4 years of being overweight to actually do something so I know how hard it is. I was slim in my 20s and could eat what I wanted so realising that I can't do that any more has been difficult!

The way to do it is to confront whatever emotional hangups you have about food. You say this has started since your mother pass (sorry to hear this) - could these things be linked? I recommend getting some therapy as a first step.

The other thing that worked for me is to try and work on the 'deprivation mindset' I had, and the guilt around food. Stop seeing food as 'good' or 'bad' and see it all as just food. Fuel for your body.

It's easy to say and hard to do.

But something that is common is that people will plan to have something rubbish like a weightwatchers ready meal for dinner, and try to make themselves be 'good' all day with only that to look forward to.

That's a deprivation mindset, and it's a rubbish unhealthy relationship with food. If you're not looking forward to your dinner, you're gonna want to go and eat something that you do like, and that urge is going to be strong.

One thing I did was to make sure I cooked meals at home that I actually enjoyed, even if they were a bit unhealthy or high fat/ sugar etc. Cook yourself a burger and chips. Enjoy it. Don't buy processed food - buy whole food with fewer ingredients - and don't worry if it's got fat, sugar or carbs in it. Buy things because they satisfy you and fill you up.

Just change your diet a bit without depriving yourself - focus on nourishment rather than punishment. Don't worry about calories either.

See how that goes for a while. Once you've got that under control and had a bit of therapy, maybe think about doing some weight training too! But one step at a time. And don't beat yourself up if you fail at first - it's a long journey.

Your key statement is the last sentence, did the sadness find somewhere else to live. It’s that sadness you need to deal with. That appears the root cause, have you had counselling?

I don't have a binge eating. But anorexia. Mine is rooted in trauma and I'm having counselling to try and help it. But I would advise you to seek a specialist one. Also if you do want certain food maybe try and replace the upf with a fresh cooked version, for example burger and chips. Also maybe don't get any snacks. I hope you have a supportive network around you x

Masses. Difficult childhood, parental divorce, alcoholic father (he's teetotal now), my mother had lifelong mental health issues and chronic physical illness and killed herself aged 60 - there was a lot to cover!! I did try and bring up the binging but my counsellor at the time said that I shouldn't worry too much about that at the time as I was dealing with complex grief, had a young child (two of them now) and a job, which was enough to be getting on with, and to forgive myself for it. Which I guess was kind of her but not very helpful as here I am 4 years later and this is now my biggest problem!

I'm sorry you're struggling and for your trauma. And good luck with the counselling 💐

I accepted defeat and went on Saxenda. I lost all of the weight because I didn't have any appetite at all. I spent the same year having counselling to address the emotional reasons for over-eating and my awful relationship with food. The online doctor I bought it from offered live weekly webinars that I attended. I gradually reduced my dosage and stopped, hoping will power and new, healthier habits and a better understanding of my addiction would be enough to sustain the loss - working so far.

I know you didn't want ads but this is what worked for me after trying free and cheaper options.

It’s a hard nut to crack;

things I have tried:

• counselling with some CBT thrown in (didn’t lead to permanent change but helped me be kinder to myself and understand it a bit better
• nutritional therapist, she helped me understand satiety, thinking about getting back in tune with my body signals of being hungry and being full, changing language about good - not ‘naughty’ or ‘bad’ just some foods are more nutritious and should be eaten first then ‘fun foods’ occasionally but take the guilt out of it. Also exercise because our bodies were made to move not focusing on burning calories. Not fixating on scales. Self acceptance. Worked for a while!
• low carb/keto type eating eg low carb boot camp on here. Probably been most effective for me as for me when I’m on the low carb wagon I feel free of hunger, cravings and impulses. Works for periods of time but find it hard to sustain all the time.
• dianette contraceptive pill - can’t be on this much as has risks but I’m sure it helped me lose weight. I have pcos so maybe this is why
• am currently looking into seeking adhd diagnosis and hoping some meds might help me control my impulsive / compulsive eating as I think this could be the underlying cause for me
• tried anti depressants, helps some people but didn’t work v well for me. Felt happier but had a kind of ‘go on treat yourself, who cares!’ Attitude
• tried the injectable Saxenda. Didn’t work for me - made me nauseous in a way that made me crave carbs, plus it’s v expensive and I think weight goes straight back on when you stop
• a long time ago did weight watchers but wouldn’t recommend as can see now I got into a diet - binge cycle.

Most of those things, bar the last two I’d recommend exploring but it’s an ongoing journey for me!

be kind to yourself x

Following with interest. I am in the same position OP. I think I know why. Will write a proper post when I have time.

I don’t exactly practice what I preach but I think a really key thing is not allowing yourself to get too hungry as then you’re at high risk of a binge

I realised I was Peri Menopausal and had been having symptoms since I was 38. I finally got on hrt and could see clearly for the first time in years. I went back to slimming world and I've lost almost four stone since October.

I know you didn't want to hear from anyone who didn't suffer with binge eating disorder, but I feel I can offer support and advice (and understanding) as someone who had an eating disorder and would limit themselves to 500/600 calories a day.
My recovery started with a shock. My periods had stopped and I realised (and was told bluntly by friends) that I wouldn't be able to have children if I didn't sort myself out. Therapy followed. Talking helps a lot. Finding a hobby I really enjoyed also was distracting and gave me a focus.
You can beat this OP. You really can. I have times when I feel shit and desperately want to limit food again but I have the coping mechanisms now to help which is why therapy is important. Also a diary or journal is good. When you feel like you want to binge get out the pen and just write everything you want to say and how you feel. Vent.
Good luck OP. You can do it.

I had binge eating disorder and got a gastric band. It worked.

I wouldn't recommend it but I'm 12 years in after 20 years of yo-yo dieting and binging. Weight stayed stable all this time and I can't binge even if I wanted to.

It's weird because I don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't had surgery but I sort of feel it's not a magic bullet.

Ive substituted one set of difficulties with other issues- preferable to me but never really got to the root of why I overate.

See my binging is very different, it's all secret, hiding food in my desk drawer, hiding wrappers, and not "normal" like eating a Maccas or having a sugary drink - I'm talking binging, eating six bags of crisps, a family size chocolate bar and a share bag of Haribo, or a six pack of hot cross buns in 5 minutes. Sometimes I try to cut it out by only buying "better" food - so today I've ended up eating a 250g bag of unsalted peanuts and about half a family size block of cheese. Noone fancies that and "treats" themselves to it... It's bizarre, compulsive behaviour. And I can't just "not buy it" unless I literally leave my bank card at home. And even then I spend ages looking at what I could get delivered to me on Uber Eats as then I could pay with PayPal. I mean it's MENTAL behaviour. This is sort of what I mean when I say people don't understand. Although I do appreciate your posting! But it's like a different world you're describing, where a damascene realisation means you can suddenly control yourself. I know!! But I still can't stop.

I had a lot of therapy, and hypno therapy to try and sort my head out and in June I had a gastric sleeve. The combination seems to have worked as I physically can’t binge and the therapy seems to have sorted out the desire to binge. Good luck, you can and will beat this x

@Chickenmumsticks really interesting, I often think about surgery as a last resort.
don’t want to derail but am interested in what issues have substituted for you.
and that you say it’s worked, and is preferable but yet you wouldn’t recommend it.
would you do it again if you had your time over?

Thank you for this. I feel like you understand that this is me saying I'm ill in a way other don't. I think everyone knows you don't just tell someone with a restrictive eating disorder "just eat a cheeseburger!", but people think that those with BED just need to "stop eating so much" and it just makes me want to cry!

I read books about diet - sugar in particular, and listen to podcasts very regularly. Keeps it fresh in my head - scientific understanding of why processed foods etc will make me fat seems to keep me on track. If you eat whole natural foods it’s actually very difficult to overeat. When you understand what’s happening in your body when you eat crap it genuinely puts you off eating it. Not that I don’t have the odd thing when I fancy it or am out for a meal.

I am not cured but I am better. I minimise ultraprocessed foods and palm oil. When DC are not here try not to have any biscuits chocolate cakes and crisps in the house. Cream is good as fills me up. Still binge on nuts but less bad

@herewegoroundthebastardbush could you delete all the food app accounts. Uber etc. Hide your card. Just pay cash? Also maybe instead of shopping weekly could you list some of your favourite foods that are tasty. Make fakeaway versions? I found the food plate helpful with carbs, protein etc. Hugs it's so much harder with binge as people don't really see it in the same way as anorexia x

I think the 5:2 diet might help you, even if it's the crap modified version I seem to be doing nowadays (which involves, among other sins, starting the day after a fast with a sticky bun with my coffee). I can manage a day at a time (I don't eat until 8pm on the fast days, and then only 500 cals) and it's been pretty transformative in my relationship with food - I feel far more in control than I ever have before. And it does shrink your stomach - I struggle with a 3 course meal now - so reduces the urge to binge (or at least, if I binge, I eat less than I used to).

..

This is a dreadful thing to say but I was diagnosed with breast cancer aged 30 and having chemo seemed to reset me if that makes sense. I felt sick a lot of the time and was grateful to eat when I could. I went off a lot of the binge foods I used to enjoy, and since stopping chemo in May I haven't binged once. Obviously would not recommend 😂 but just wanted to let you know you're not alone - I'd definitely still be binging if that hadn't had happened, I don't think anything would have been able to help me.

Blimey that would be an extreme remedy! Seriously though I'm glad you're in recovery from the cancer and that you've got the binging under control. Cancer is such a bastard and the treatment is so hard - you deserve something good to have come out of it! Stay well ❤️

You have to truly want to change, and therapy is the key. I "tried" with an ED for many years to half heartedly change, but then one day a switch just went off. I was disgusted with it, and with myself, and the example that I would be to my daughter once she could understand. I got a therapist specialising in that area, discovered that it was mostly related to my upbringing, and my mum. It really did help, along with provide coping mechanisms, and just support in general. So far, a few years in I haven't gone back down that rabbit hole. If you are acknowledging that there is a problem, then you're at least on the right path. good luck x