To ask people who have had binge-eating disorder to tell me how they recovered?

[herewegoroundthebastardbush]

Wrong board I know but inspired by the 'is it fair on your partner to get fat' thread.

I am a binge-eater. It's driving me crazy, ruining my body, my mind and my life. AND YET. I can't stop. That thread has just reminded me there are hosts of people, the majority of people, who don't understand that at all - who just cannot believe it is anything deeper or more compulsive than gluttony and laziness.

But I am miserable at the weight I am (14 stone at 5 foot 6, I'm 38 years old and put on most of this weight in the 5 years since my mother died). It hurts, my knees hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurts. I am miserable in a constant fog of tiredness from too much sugar and processed carbs (my binge items of 'choice'). I sleep badly. I have no spending money because it all goes on binge food. If I could stop, believe me, really, truly, I would stop. But I can't.

So I don't want to hear from people who haven't been here - I know you might all have the best of intentions, but I don't need the scepticism or to be told to just eat less and move more or to be told to pull myself up by my bootstraps and stop being so weak/greedy/disgusting. I can do all that for myself, and do, regularly. It doesn't work.

I want to hear from people who know EXACTLY what I'm talking about - but have managed to stop. I don't even mind if you never lost weight; just that you managed to get the binge-eating under control. And how did you do it?

The internet is awful for this, any Google search just pulls up a load of thinly disguised ads for £££ 'nutrition plans', supplements, gastric band surgery or Ozempic. I mean if that's what it takes that's what it takes, but I'd like to hear that from people who aren't trying to sell me something.

Also - if you did manage to stop - are you happpier? Or has the sadness just found another place to live?

For me, bingeing /purging is a kind of addiction. It takes over your mind and body and keeps you from facing a bigger problem that you are too afraid of in life. Probably it is past trauma of some kind. I think it has to do with not having felt truly loved, or supported emotionally as a child. It has to do with an empty or frozen place in our body/heart/mind that seeks being filled up.
I think it has to do with avoiding painful feelings of shame and neglect and not being good enough.

I think these can be the roots for some people of their suffering. Food is just a replacement for self- love. And this is what we need to work on above all. Loving, accepting ourselves as we are. Not judging, blaming, condemning. Learning to listen to our own feelings and being gentle with ourselves.

Also it is important to stop focusing your attention on food and pay more attention to your body and how it feels in the moment. Going for walks in nature to breathe in silence. Going to a group exercise/ yoga class to be surrounded by positive people and treat your body with kindness...
I think women spend so much time caring for and loving others and not enough for ourselves. It must become a top priority. Start with listening to and accepting your feelings, whatever they may be. They are yours and they are trying to tell you important things about yourself. Listen and be kind to yourself OP. And above all, learn how to identify and accept your feelings.

I don't have a diagnosis but I have been binging / secret eating for 20 years. I find that exercise helps me manage stress and stress is what makes me binge. Good luck OP x

I used to binge eat, I had anorexia then got addicted to excessive and then a parent died and I began binge eating. I'd starve for a few days and then binge, I'd eat full cheesecakes, full loafs of bread and crisps and family chocolate bars in one sitting, once I'd started I'd have to keep going with things till I went to bed, Id then starve and repeat the whole process.
I'd try to stop the starving to help stop the binging but I'd still binge but then put weight on because I'd not starved.. it was a horrible vicious circle.

Haven't RTFT but from what I understand from a physiological point of view, it's very important to eat regularly throughout the day and not restrict any kinds of foods, especially your 'binge' foods. Eating throughout the day and allowing yourself your binge foods on the regular keeps your blood sugar stable and reduces the appeal of 'forbidden' food. After a binge the worse thing you can do is diet/restrict your food intake as that just sets you up for another binge

Please have a look at Slimpod. It's hard to describe, but sorts your head out, chills you out, huge supportive online group, coaching videos to help you sort out eating/food issues, and more. It removes the guilt/shame/binge cycle. Massively helpful to me. It can take a while if you have a lot to unpick, but it does work. Cheese was one of my go-to things too. Now I can eat it in moderation and stop. Its awesome!

I haven’t found the answer OP but I’m doing much better recently. Like someone else I listened to the UPF podcast and the “UPF people” book. It made me feel a bit less of a failure when I realised that some of my issue is the food which is designed to make me respond like this.

I try and focus on exercise and “feeling good” I have anxiety and know that is a trigger. I learnt that the best thing I can do for my anxiety is to move my body. So I try and get to the gym regularly. Sometimes a PT sessions, workout, sometimes yoga or a swim and sauna. The focus is what I feel my body needs that day. When I’m exercising and my mindset is better my urges to binge naturally reduce.

Sugar, sweets, chocolate, cake anything ultra processed sets me off and I’m not at the stage I can indulge. Atm I avoid on the main (bar the binges). Wine is also a trigger for me. My binges are down to 1-2 a week and sometimes it’s not a “real” binge but an episode of overreacting. I try and separate the two and move on.

I’ve battled this for over 20 years and I wish I had the answer.

Yesterday I knew I was in a bad mood and was setting the scene for a binge so I messaged my PT and asked for a session. I just knew I wouldn’t manage it if I went to the gym alone. That’s too expensive to do regularly if I’m honest (I already see her once a week) but I decided to “treat” myself and I worked off that tension I knew would lead to a binge.

I thought I'd have this forever and was amazed that I sort of "grew out" of it.
What I did (though it wasn't on purpose):

• moved cities and got a 9 to 5 job with nice, supportive people (before I was freelance and on my own a lot)
• moved in with a friend who was around a lot and liked cooking/eating together and had a healthy r/ship with food (before I lived with someone who was out all the time)

The only thing I did consciously was to always have a wholegrain and protein snack before going shopping (like poached egg on wholegrain toast), being hungry at the supermarket was a killer for me. Also thinking more carefully about how much of a tool we are when we pick up sweets and snacks at the checkout (supermarket manipulation).

It also helped me to hear from other women (often slim and beautiful) who told me sometimes they binged too, and realised it was a normal thing not to feel shame about. I think that stopped me doing it so much, when I realised we were all in this together.

There's a lot of people with binge eating disorder in overeaters anonymous. I was there for other EDs.

It also helped me to realise that I had started binging as a teenager because I was dieting, and I wasn't getting about food. My poor old body was just trying to get some food in. So I needed to eat MORE (healthy, balanced, meals, with plenty of good fats and protein), not less, in order to lose weight.
Once I stopped binging (without even realising I'd stopped, I was just busy) I lost 2 stone in a year (I went from BMI of 26 to BMI of 20).

And yes I am happier, I was at the lowest of my life in the 5 years I had binge eating disorder. I feel like my life started when I stopped binging (not because I looked better, literally because of not having the huge upsetting feelings before, during and after binging).

I think my story shows that it can help to change your circumstances and not put so much pressure on your "will-power" (which doesn't exist/work) to stop. I think this is relevant for a lot of addictions.

If I had had the money at the time I would have had therapy about managing my emotions, I feel confident that would have helped loads.

Good luck xxx

great advice

Yes.

To echo others on here I’ve had to really start managing my overall mental health too. I am in a real fortunate position in that I realised I was just doing too much and was stressed and burnout (therapist identified that) so I have cut my hours at work and focused on myself more. I just can’t do FT, have the kids myself all week (DH works away), run our side business (probs 4-5 hours a week) and stay mentally balanced. If I’m not balanced, I’m binging.

Good luck with that. I mentioned binge eating to numerous GPs and diabetic nurses over the years. None gave any sensible advice other than dietry such as "eat nuts and pulses instead of bread and potatoes" - yeah really helpful for a binge eater! I asked, almost pleaded, for proper support but they said there was nothing. This isn't recent, either, it goes back 25 years! Latest classic was the GP surgeries "specialist" diabetic GP suggesting I search of facebook for binge eating support groups! That's the best they can suggest! Hopeless.

I put on 3 stone in a very short period after losing my beloved dad just before Christmas last year. Im so sorry about your mum. Losing a parent is massive and completely rewrites who you are. I turned to food too (processed carbs and sugar like you) my body hurt, none of my clothes fit and I was embarrassed by how I looked.

What is working for me is low carb/keto. I make a mug cake with coconut flour and eat it with cream and keto choc spread every morning and it helps my cravings. I find myself not wanting to eat.

I also stopped weighing myself as this was very triggering whether I lost weight or gained and would often lead to a two day binge.

Good luck x grief changes everything and you will only be able to focus on weight loss when you are in a better place x

Is this on Mumsnet?

This is so true. People suggesting different diets, food choices etc don't get it. The OP has a lot of troubling life experience to unpack and needs to find healthier ways to manage her distress - it is absolutely a mental health issue.

I used to completely zone out when I binged, like I was in a trance. Didn't enjoy what I was eating, just watched my hands reaching for more, occasionally thought "I don't even want this" & carried on. It was almost like "tidying" - I need to tidy away all these crisps, I'd better eat all these biscuits so I can tidy the wrapper away, I'll finish off all the shepherd's pie so I can wash up the dishes & tidy it all away.

I had hypnotherapy about 5 times over 10 years which was quite successful and also went thru a fairly early menopause (42) which actually seemed to help. So I think much of my over eating was linked to hormones. I also started to suffer from diverticulitis & IBS when I binged and that really has stopped the worst of it. Basically I realised I was fucking up my digestive system & making myself really, painfully ill. I wish it hadn't had to happen but being hospitalised by my own choices made me so ashamed & actually afraid to binged ever again.

Look into EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping.

Where can you get therapy to manage my emotions? I struggle with this and it affects every area of my life - work, parenting, relationships, eating patterns! I've tried counselling in the past. It was useless. Who is actually an expert in this stuff and can truly help?

@rolvus Take a look at YT channel Emma: Therapy in a Nutshell on processing your emotions.

Read the book Brain over Binge by Katherine Hansen. I had anorexia binge type and would binge and purge around 4 times a week...and that book made me stop over night. I really hope someone reads this and gets the book as it chanhed my life

Try to find a clinical psychotherapist.