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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy her new trainers?

352 replies

Grealish · 23/08/2023 15:08

My DD (12) got new trainers in March for school PE. We got her a pair of Skechers because they’re comfy and she’s never had any interest in fashion or trends. Well now she’s starting secondary school in a week and she’s told me that these shoes will not do. They’re still in perfect condition, and still fit her perfectly. She’s shown me the shoes she wants and that everyone apparently has and I told her that we will get her shoes like that when she out grows these ones or she wears them out/they get ruined.

Well I should not have said that because we came down this morning and her shoes had been cut up. She claims it was the dog. It’s mad how dogs can chew exactly like scissors! Told her we’d have to get rid of the dog if he was chewing things, trying to make her fess up but didn’t work haha.

Anyways I just want to know what you would do in this scenario. She needs trainers for PE and she plans to do Basketball after school so she can’t not have trainers. I’m tempted to buy her the same shoes again but that seems like a waste. The shoes she wants are the same price but that feels like rewarding her for destroying her runners. She gets €10 a week pocket money for doing bits around the house, so I could buy the ones she wants and say it comes out of her pocket money for the next 8 weeks or so. Ahhh I just don’t know what’s the answer in this scenario. Not sure what the balance is between teaching a lesson and not being a bitch.

OP posts:
StinkyWizzleteets · 23/08/2023 20:44

Sketchers are comfortable shoes for older people who don’t really care what their feet look like.

Your daughter shouldn’t have cut them up but please dont underestimate the hell of starting a new school and being picked on for wearing the wrong stuff. That could follow her around for 6 years and cause way more emotional and social damage than a telling off from her mum.

My teenager says New Balance the 2000s style white ones are what’s in right now as well as converse (crap for PE) and AF1 (also crap for PE)

Maybe this can be a lesson for both of you. For her never to do that again and for you to learn to listen to what she’s saying and remember what it’s like at high school.

timberho · 23/08/2023 20:46

Big telling off for destroying the trainers (why it's bad - waste and lies etc)
Buy the trainers.
Help her to talk about why what she did wasn't a good way to deal with things and say she needs to talk to you if she has an big issue (eg she could have negotiated buying the new trainers with her allowance) as lies are never the way to handle problems.
^ the last bit is the lesson that hopefully stops something similar happening again.

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:49

What are you on about?! I AM talking about OP and OP said she bought them in March!

And there is no suggestion in the OP that her DD had any issue when they were bought. She says they were comfy and her DD didn't care about style, which suggests she tried them on in the shop and was fine with them. A few months later she wants new ones. Plenty of people can't afford new trainers on a teenager's whim when the old ones are in perfect condition.

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:51

TBH if she gets £10 pocket money a week and had trainers that she chose a few months ago and are in fine condition, this is what pocket money is for isn't it. To upgrade when it isn't actually needed.

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 20:52

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:49

What are you on about?! I AM talking about OP and OP said she bought them in March!

And there is no suggestion in the OP that her DD had any issue when they were bought. She says they were comfy and her DD didn't care about style, which suggests she tried them on in the shop and was fine with them. A few months later she wants new ones. Plenty of people can't afford new trainers on a teenager's whim when the old ones are in perfect condition.

She also said the kid never chose them. Sounds to me like the op chose sketchers for her which is ridiculous. If the DD didn’t care OP could have at lease put some thought into which trainers were actually in fashion considering she’s starting secondary school a few months later

dreamydandelion · 23/08/2023 20:57

I’ve never been materialistic and come from a poor family but remember the shame and bullying from having the wrong trainers in school. So i think despite the ridiculous behaviour i would buy the right ones for my dd. Shoes are the one thing that really help them fit in. And yes i think teens are ridiculous. My son recently told me his friends debated how mean i am because i gave him a supermarket brand yoghurt fgs, rather than a branded one. I mean wtf? Teens are ridiculous. But nothing worse than bullying.

Tummytroubles22 · 23/08/2023 21:00

I’ve just had to ask my teenagers if I have totally failed at parenting after reading this thread. My 15 year old DS is off on a school trip tomorrow wearing some green suede Clark’s trainers that he chose on sale and my 13 year old DS has Clark’s cica for school shoes. They have both confirmed that no one has commented on their clothing and they have no idea what their friends have on their feet.

how depressing that people are so caught up in what other people are wearing, I’d rather they have friends for like them for who they are and not what they wear.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 23/08/2023 21:01

My DD had sketchers when she started secondary, she didn't care about brand names and chose them because she liked the colour. All it took was some little chav to make a nasty comment and she asked for new nike trainers and yes she got them. Some kids are shits and if you can afford to make your child's life a bit easier at a time when they are at their most self conscious then I think you should.

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/08/2023 21:02

Oh please get her the trainers. I'm still traumatised by my parent getting me 'Nicks' instead of Nikes when I went into S1. Sell the sketchers (no kids wear sketchers once they're old enough to care) .

Yummybumble · 23/08/2023 21:03

HesDeadBenYouCanStopNow · 23/08/2023 15:36

Sketchers are old lady shoes and not suitable for sports

I don't agree with what she did, there should be punishment, but she'll need some proper trainers (possibly indoor and outdoor depending on the sports offered)

You can usually get some relatively cheap ones from sports direct etc but with the appropriate support

I think some are but they do really nice kids one which are not remotely old lady!

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/08/2023 21:04

@Yummybumble kids, not hormonal tweens who are desperate to fit in!

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 21:05

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/08/2023 21:02

Oh please get her the trainers. I'm still traumatised by my parent getting me 'Nicks' instead of Nikes when I went into S1. Sell the sketchers (no kids wear sketchers once they're old enough to care) .

Yes OP, sell the pieces of the cut up trainers

Original poster
Grealish · 23/08/2023 21:05

Wowwww I was not expecting to come back to this much debate over my DDs trainers!
Just to explain further these were the shoes she insisted on in March. She wanted shoes that were comfy for PE and I think one or two of her friends had a pair and that’s where she got the idea from. I suggested different shoes at the time, but no this is what she wanted.
I probably would’ve given in and bought her the shoes tbh. It’s just the fact she’s torn them up that’s bothered me. We could’ve donated those shoes to the charity shop, feels like such a waste of a lovely pair of shoes.
also for all this sketcher slander, they look nice I promise ! I’ll try find a picture of them to attach, I swear they don’t look (that much) like granny shoes!

OP posts:
Hobbitlover · 23/08/2023 21:05

My 12 Yr old had his choice of trainers & picked Sketchers 🤷‍♀️
I would be fuming at her for cutting up the shoes, she would have to pay for new ones out her allowance if mine.

anotheranotheranotheranother · 23/08/2023 21:05

Yes OP, sell the pieces of the cut up trainers

I would be willing to buy a piece if it helped the kid get her shoes

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 21:06

Tummytroubles22 · 23/08/2023 21:00

I’ve just had to ask my teenagers if I have totally failed at parenting after reading this thread. My 15 year old DS is off on a school trip tomorrow wearing some green suede Clark’s trainers that he chose on sale and my 13 year old DS has Clark’s cica for school shoes. They have both confirmed that no one has commented on their clothing and they have no idea what their friends have on their feet.

how depressing that people are so caught up in what other people are wearing, I’d rather they have friends for like them for who they are and not what they wear.

“oh fuck off Rebecca, he did not say that”

Yummybumble · 23/08/2023 21:07

OP I’d be absolutely fuming (whether you have the money to replace them or not).

She should be buying the replacements with her pocket money (perhaps a high percentage or you will just end up giving her additional money).

No matter what her reason is it’s totally unacceptable and then to lie about it makes it worse. I have teenagers and I get it and maybe there is a reason but maybe she has just ‘gone off them’. It’s amazing how one minute it’s great and the next it’s not.

Perhaps also a discussion (once your pay angry and you’ve decided on the consequence so that you’re not just ranting at her) about the whole situation.

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 23/08/2023 21:07

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/08/2023 21:02

Oh please get her the trainers. I'm still traumatised by my parent getting me 'Nicks' instead of Nikes when I went into S1. Sell the sketchers (no kids wear sketchers once they're old enough to care) .

I too had Nicks! Scarred for life 😄

Ohthatsabitshit · 23/08/2023 21:09

I’d fix the trainers and mine would continue wearing them.

TheBarbieEffect · 23/08/2023 21:09

If you can afford it I don’t understand why you would make this a battle. What’s wrong with two pairs of trainers? She could have worn one for school and another pair for home.

Just buy her the trainers, and she shouldn’t have to pay for them.

Hobbitlover · 23/08/2023 21:10

zeibesaffron · 23/08/2023 20:04

There are no 12 year olds wearing sketchers! Very much seen as a Mum/ Grandma shoe - my 86yo Aunt wears them as they are very comfortable!!

Buy her the shows, talk to her, cut her some slack, secondary is tough enough!! she has gone to a real extreme here so these trainers must be very important to her - or she is already being bullied.

the

Nonsense lol, loads of 12 Yr old wear them! Mine being one of them & he chose them himself!

Tummytroubles22 · 23/08/2023 21:10

@ReadTheFiles I’m sorry who’s Rebecca? And what didn’t he say?

Yourebeingtooloud · 23/08/2023 21:12

Phos · 23/08/2023 15:30

I thought they were ok too.

Show quote history

They were THE desirable brand when I was at secondary school in the late 90s

Yummybumble · 23/08/2023 21:13

cocksstrideintheevening · 23/08/2023 21:04

@Yummybumble kids, not hormonal tweens who are desperate to fit in!

My point was Sketchers do loads of different types of trainers and not all are old lady.

I have a hormonal tween and if I went by her ‘desperations’ to fit in I’d be buying a new pair of shoes/bags/jeans/T-shirt every dam week. She would probably also have her room redecorated once a month too.

I’m sorry I am one of those awful parents who suggest that this is not really acceptable on a weekly basis.

Phos · 23/08/2023 21:14

Yourebeingtooloud · 23/08/2023 21:12

They were THE desirable brand when I was at secondary school in the late 90s

Show quote history

Me too - I clearly missed the memo that they are not to be worn anymore. I also buy them for my daughter. Mind you she’s 6 and all she’s bothered about is the fact they light up, so maybe that’s ok.