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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not buy her new trainers?

352 replies

Grealish · 23/08/2023 15:08

My DD (12) got new trainers in March for school PE. We got her a pair of Skechers because they’re comfy and she’s never had any interest in fashion or trends. Well now she’s starting secondary school in a week and she’s told me that these shoes will not do. They’re still in perfect condition, and still fit her perfectly. She’s shown me the shoes she wants and that everyone apparently has and I told her that we will get her shoes like that when she out grows these ones or she wears them out/they get ruined.

Well I should not have said that because we came down this morning and her shoes had been cut up. She claims it was the dog. It’s mad how dogs can chew exactly like scissors! Told her we’d have to get rid of the dog if he was chewing things, trying to make her fess up but didn’t work haha.

Anyways I just want to know what you would do in this scenario. She needs trainers for PE and she plans to do Basketball after school so she can’t not have trainers. I’m tempted to buy her the same shoes again but that seems like a waste. The shoes she wants are the same price but that feels like rewarding her for destroying her runners. She gets €10 a week pocket money for doing bits around the house, so I could buy the ones she wants and say it comes out of her pocket money for the next 8 weeks or so. Ahhh I just don’t know what’s the answer in this scenario. Not sure what the balance is between teaching a lesson and not being a bitch.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 23/08/2023 19:46

NoraLuka · 23/08/2023 15:50

I’m 41 and love my Sketchers, I’m training for a half marathon in them and find them really comfy even after running 15k!

But being 12 is difficult enough as it is and things like shoes really matter to some kids, I’d get the new ones she wants plus a lecture about how you know it wasn’t the dog and maybe a contribution from her allowance.

@NoraLuka im begging you, if you don’t want long term problems, get some proper running shoes. Do not run miles and miles In sketchers! I’m genuinely horrified!

and as for sending a 12yo to secondary in sketchers op, no. Just no.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/08/2023 19:47

@Riapia my mom’s 86 and loves her sketchers. I don’t know why you think that’s odd.

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 19:51

march was a while ago

5 months. You can argue she should have bought new ones if you want. But March was not a while ago when you're talking about shoes work once/twice a week for PE.

DrLucyVanPelt · 23/08/2023 19:53

Out of interest, what are the trainers she wants? I've a child going to high school next year and am pretty clueless about which brands are socially acceptable and which are social suicide!

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 19:55

DrLucyVanPelt · 23/08/2023 19:53

Out of interest, what are the trainers she wants? I've a child going to high school next year and am pretty clueless about which brands are socially acceptable and which are social suicide!

Sketchers are social suicide

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 19:56

randomusernam · 23/08/2023 19:39

She would be getting a pair of the cheapest school plimsoles I could find. And if she chose to use their pocket money to save for new ones the so be it. She would not be getting them from me. 8 weeks wouldn't kill her

Ooo you’re hard

FlamingYam · 23/08/2023 19:57

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 19:51

march was a while ago

5 months. You can argue she should have bought new ones if you want. But March was not a while ago when you're talking about shoes work once/twice a week for PE.

Perhaps. I'm assuming (possibly completely incorrectly) they have been worn other times too. I bought DD some Nike courts around then and they look worn.

CocoPrivileges · 23/08/2023 19:59

MumUndone · 23/08/2023 19:31

Jesus Christ this thread is depressing. Some people have no shoes. At all. OPs kid had some that were perfectly fine. She cut them up and lied about it. People are telling OP to buy her daughter new trainers and to apologise to her. They're more concerned that the brand is for 'old ladies'. This is everything that is wrong with society. Materialism, wastage, entitlement, sexism, ageism. It makes me sick.

Finally - someone on this thread talking sense.

It actually is sickening to hear (presumably) grown adults claiming they "wouldn't be seen dead" in a particular brand of trainer as they're for "old ladies"...

With that attitude, I guess your kids are the ones bullying others for their shoes?

Or does that not matter, as long as it's not your kids being bullied? Pathetic.

OhYetAnotherBrickInTheWall · 23/08/2023 20:02

CocoPrivileges · 23/08/2023 19:59

Finally - someone on this thread talking sense.

It actually is sickening to hear (presumably) grown adults claiming they "wouldn't be seen dead" in a particular brand of trainer as they're for "old ladies"...

With that attitude, I guess your kids are the ones bullying others for their shoes?

Or does that not matter, as long as it's not your kids being bullied? Pathetic.

No. I was the kid who was ridiculed and I’d do what I could to help avoid that.

indyocean · 23/08/2023 20:03

Oh come on, can you see the funny side?

Sketchers are granny shoes. Remember being made to wear Granny clothes/shoes and being mortified at secondary school?

Why not say she can earn a new pair by doing chores?

zeibesaffron · 23/08/2023 20:04

There are no 12 year olds wearing sketchers! Very much seen as a Mum/ Grandma shoe - my 86yo Aunt wears them as they are very comfortable!!

Buy her the shows, talk to her, cut her some slack, secondary is tough enough!! she has gone to a real extreme here so these trainers must be very important to her - or she is already being bullied.

the

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 20:04

OhYetAnotherBrickInTheWall · 23/08/2023 20:02

No. I was the kid who was ridiculed and I’d do what I could to help avoid that.

Same.

no excuse for sending a kid to secondary school in sketchers

Newlydivorcedyay · 23/08/2023 20:08

Gosh I thought I was still young-ish (30s). But I do have sketchers...they are just ordinary trainers, what am I missing?

Is this way out of character for your daughter? If so, I'd say put it down to panic/ new school nerves, have a long calm discussion, and pay for half the replacement with the rest out of pocket money. And maybe a bit of extra dog walking duty or something.

If it's part of a pattern of fairly extreme behaviour then she needs professional help (I have a kid in therapy, no judgement here, but sooner the better with that kind of thing)

moistclam · 23/08/2023 20:13

Too right OP, behaviour like that from your daughter needs discipline - buying her the trainers just shows that she can get what she wants whenever she acts up! Stand firm. Young people would do better to learn the true value of their belongings, than have their parents feeding into this constant need to keep up with the latest "thing" that's popular at school.

Probably the same folk in this thread tearing you apart for buying skechers who have been out scrapping at Asda for Prime 🙄

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:13

no excuse for sending a kid to secondary school in sketchers

Don't be some dramatic. No excuse? Finances, maybe? Hand me downs? Completely ridiculous to act like it's basically negligent parenting.

moistclam · 23/08/2023 20:15

MumUndone · 23/08/2023 19:31

Jesus Christ this thread is depressing. Some people have no shoes. At all. OPs kid had some that were perfectly fine. She cut them up and lied about it. People are telling OP to buy her daughter new trainers and to apologise to her. They're more concerned that the brand is for 'old ladies'. This is everything that is wrong with society. Materialism, wastage, entitlement, sexism, ageism. It makes me sick.

Fully agree, it's so disappointing.

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 20:15

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:13

no excuse for sending a kid to secondary school in sketchers

Don't be some dramatic. No excuse? Finances, maybe? Hand me downs? Completely ridiculous to act like it's basically negligent parenting.

Op said they were the same price as the ones she wants. Sketchers are not cheap

RedHelenB · 23/08/2023 20:25

I'd have let her have the ones she wanted for school in the first place. But she shouldn't have cut up the ones she has. I would make her pay pocket money towards the replacement, but let it be the ones she wants. She'll take care of them I'm sure!

donkra · 23/08/2023 20:31

I do have sketchers...they are just ordinary trainers, what am I missing?

  1. they are ugly
  2. they are heavily marketed to older adults on comfort.

Again, I say this as someone who has a pair parked by the door. They are the anti-cool trainer. They suck all the coolness out of the room.

lastseasonstop · 23/08/2023 20:34

I have to agree, Skechers are not what is worn at High School here, at all. It’s converse mainly or airforce 1s.

Skechers are comfort shoes for the older generation aka my Aunty who is 79.

Spacecowboys · 23/08/2023 20:35

Kids can know the true value of their belongings when they have the brand of their choosing though! I don’t think any adult on here is saying that they would even comment if someone they knew was wearing sketchers, I know I wouldn’t. However, secondary school and the teenage years are something else entirely. Parenting during this phase is about being sensitive to the fact that ( generally) teenagers are still finding their style, care what their peers think, would prefer to be in the ‘popular group’ at school and want to have the bags/ shoes etc that others do. It’s been that way for decades and adults proclaiming how ridiculous it all is will not change that. So if there’s no difference in price and no financial difficulty , why wouldn’t a parent buy the brand their tween/ teen wants?

FlamingYam · 23/08/2023 20:36

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:13

no excuse for sending a kid to secondary school in sketchers

Don't be some dramatic. No excuse? Finances, maybe? Hand me downs? Completely ridiculous to act like it's basically negligent parenting.

It's not going to be finances. If you can afford Skechers, you can afford some nice Primark trainers or any other pair in sports direct.

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:39

@FlamingYam I meant finances in terms of hands me downs, and wasn't talking about the OP specifically but more generally about the comment that there is "no excuse" for sending a child in in Skechers.

FlamingYam · 23/08/2023 20:40

@WeWereInParis ah fair!

ReadTheFiles · 23/08/2023 20:40

WeWereInParis · 23/08/2023 20:39

@FlamingYam I meant finances in terms of hands me downs, and wasn't talking about the OP specifically but more generally about the comment that there is "no excuse" for sending a child in in Skechers.

What are you on about?! I AM talking about OP and OP said she bought them in March!

so not hand me downs and not cheap. Just granny-wear