Children on train seats!

[gg45]

It drives me mad when I see children over c6 yrs old not offering train seats to adults (esp older adults) standing in aisles on commuter trains (I have no problem with longer journeys when people have booked seats- but several commuter options you can't). When I was brought up we were expected to stand for elders. What is wrong with the world? AIBU??

What mindset does it speak to? That kids are as valuable human beings as adults? Or something else?

If they are old enough to have paid for a ticket they are just as entitled to sit in that seat as any able bodied adult. Adults are also not the centre of the universe either and are not entitled to be more comfortable at the expense of a child that has paid seat and got to it first. Respect your elders is a ridiculous statement. Respect each other regardless of age and don’t expect special treatment because of some outdated phrase.

The bones in a child of 6 have not fully formed. They are fully formed aged 7, so how would a young child be expected to hold onto to a railing when the train slows down and speeds up. This applies to buses too where the need is greater. They just don't have the dexterity.

True, but 3 year olds are heavier than you think. So a healthy adult standing would likely still be more comfortable that a parent with a heavy toddler on their lap for the duration of the train journey. Especially if they have other bags to deal with etc.

Out of curiosity, what did the parent say to you when you asked for the seat?

Fun fact: children can be seen and heard these days.

This

This

My kids' safety is more important to me than your comfort, OP.

Well you are, because you’re on here saying ‘why are no children offering me their seats?!’

This mindset that because you’re getting on a bit in life other people should automatically do stuff for you that may make them unsafe or uncomfortable is not a great mindset to have. As I said earlier, this isn’t how you teach respect.

She said "fuck off, she'll sit where I want her to sit".

Not comfortably on a train! There is hardly a gap between the seats.

My child is disabled, no amount of gross motor skills training will change that. But thanks for your totally unasked for and pointless input.

Of course yabu. You both have tickets. They got there before you.

Absolutely agree.

@Belladonna56 The issue here is automatically asking the child to stand up instead of the other healthy adults. Children are more vulnerable and are part of our society too.

Why not get them to share a seat.

I think the rationale used to be 1/ respect for one's elders and 2/the fact that under 14s used to travel on buses and trains for half price while adults paid the full fare.
Not sure if such fare reductions are still the case.
Certainly the respect thing has changed (I blame Mrs Thatcher, "there's no such thing as society" and the ensuing cult of the individual that has grown in the past 30 years or so. )
But then I'm an old fart.
I wouldn't expect an under-10 child to offer a seat and would decline graciously if offered. Often, teenagers will offer their seat to me, as will young men. I'm always grateful.

I don’t understand threads like this.

I don’t know why kids used to be able to stand up on public transport without flying everywhere and now they can’t, but as they can’t, it’s clearly not reasonable anymore to expect them to stand up for an able-bodied adult. The only reason for insisting that they do so is because they’re of lesser status, and I can’t get behind that.

Adults should be the ones offering their seats to those less able. This models the behaviour that the kids will need to do when they become adults themselves.

This is different to other scenarios in which kids do need to show consideration for others in a shared space - noise and running about etc. That’s not because kids are lesser, but because shared spaces operate under an accepted behaviour code of conduct.

Kids don’t need to give up seats simply because they’re younger - we’ve moved on from that era.

YABU. I’d give up my seat for anyone who needed it (elderly, pregnant or injured), but would encourage my child to stay seated - they are likely to be more hassle to everyone stood up.

I have a much bigger problem with the many able bodied adults who didn't bother moving for my 3 year old, tbh. He fell and hit his head on the train because small children can't hold on or stabilise themselves when the train moves.

Trains are designed for adults: they have many handholds at adult height. Children are less safe standing up than most adults.

How horrible for you.

I hate this attitude that kids should give up their seat because an adult somehow trumps a child no sorry if it was my child they would be staying in the seat if it’s an able bodied adult that can hold on to a rail or the straps they would be on my lap if it was a disabled/pregnant/elderly person. A 6 year old could easily be swept off the train with a moving crowd and they are too small to be able to hold the straps or keep themselves stable on a moving train.

I'm mid 40's and I wouldn't expect anyones child to give up a seat for me unless I was nwell. It's first come first served. I would always offer my seat to someone who looked elderly, unsteady, pregnant, carrying a baby/toddler/child but I wouldn't expect my kids to give up their seat for another adult. When they were really little I might have put them on my lap to free up a seat if it was busy. People have kindly offered me a seat in the past when heavily pregnant and carrying a sleeping child which is kind but I wouldn't expect it.

Whenever I've not been able to sit, it tends to be pre-teens and teens that move.

Agree. Heck, I remember being pregnant with my first and was the only one standing on a one car train that was crowded and was looking for a seat with people openly trying not to make eye contact with me and it was a secondary student who offered me a seat. I even saw a man move to let someone sit by him who had got on after me).

It was all adults and secondary students and highly doubt all of them weren’t able-bodied nor would I have taken up much room. Riding the same car, people had no issue sitting next to me. Even had one passenger proceed to use the book they were reading to sneeze into.

My children would offer their seat to disabled/pregnant or elderly. Not quite sure why they would need to offer to anyone else? What’s classed as an adult over 18?

We travel a lot in London and when my girls younger (under 10) most adults offered their seats to my children.

Same, I am a healthy able bodied woman, a small children needs a seat more than me.