Children on train seats!

[gg45]

It drives me mad when I see children over c6 yrs old not offering train seats to adults (esp older adults) standing in aisles on commuter trains (I have no problem with longer journeys when people have booked seats- but several commuter options you can't). When I was brought up we were expected to stand for elders. What is wrong with the world? AIBU??

Why are the kids "precious" for sitting but a healthy 36 year old who feels they are more deserving of the seat not the precious one?

But why? Very basic biology shows us that adults are stronger than children, therefore more capable of standing on a train. What is the lesson here? That children should suffer for an adults pleasure? That they are unimportant lesser beings? How would they learn genuine respect from this? I would say this particular lesson is part of the reason many of the older generation are so rude, entitled and incapable of respecting others.

I never understand these threads, why does anyone's age make them more or less entitled to a seat? Surely, it's first come, first served?
With so many invisible disabilities how do you even start to judge on who needs a seat.

Frankly, if you can't stand for a short commuters journey then maybe invest in a car, op.

I think this is modern etiquette in a nutshell. Yes, things were different years ago, but then a man would always stand for a woman and so on and so forth. Things have changed.

As an adult, I'd give up my seat for a child. Despite having a knee problem, which tbh is why I don't let DC sit on my lap. Also because I get travel sick despite taking travel sickness pills and having a kid on my lap makes this worse.

An adult in need, sure. An adult who is not in need, why? I wouldn't ask an older child to stand up for a 20/30/40-yo just because they were older than DC. I think that's weird. If they are little enough to sit on my lap and it's busy I would always do that, but at the age where they need a seat to themselves then no, only if there was someone clearly in need of a seat.

One of the most misjudged OPs I have ever seen here. Have a word with yourself - a 6 year old shouldn't be giving a seat up for an adult!

Maybe you view is skewed by working with above average children who are specifically training in balance skills... it is certainly not abnormal for 6 year olds to be clumsy, fidgety and unstable.

I'm in my 60s and still working. Thanks to good genes I look early 50s (I've been told this frequently). I have osteoporosis but it's obviously not visible. If I fall, even a minor fall, I risk broken limbs or worse. I hate having to stand in case I get knocked or slip but I frequently have to. I stood in front of a parent and a 2 or 3 year old with their own seats recently and asked the mum if the little girl could sit on her lap. I got such a mouthful of abuse I'd never ask again.

Our parents also used to give us medicine to keep us quiet when we were ill that is now banned in the UK. Things change.

As a parent, I would give up my own seat for a vulnerable adult, instead of making my young child give up his seat.

My elderly Grandad said that it was one of the worst moment of his life when a young pregnant lady got out of her train seat and offered it to him. He was a complete gentleman his whole life and he was completely mortified and refused to take it.

I would never expect my 7 year old to stand for an adult she is tiny and would get knocked over. People have stood up for her though and I have been incredibly grateful and double checked. When she is older I would suggest she moved for the elderly, disabled or pregnant, but not just any adult. I wouldn't expect a child or teenager to stand for me, I am perfectly able to stand on my own. I would feel ridiculously entitled. No idea why you think you deserve a seat more than someone who is a bit younger than you, unless your are old and/or infirm. Seems rather silly. Being older doesn't automatically grant you this level of respect. No I don't want my daughter or any child cowing down to any old sod who thinks they have the right to her seat. To me this is a weird concept and seems it incredibly impolite to expect it.

The irony is that this thinking has raised adults like yourself and the OP who are only thinking about themselves and their needs and not the needs of others. By demanding people, no matter what age they are, give up their seat for you, you are showing that you don’t care about the needs of others, only your own. So I’d rather not raise my children in your way if it raises arrogant adults.

I’m 60 and disagree. I’m not infirm or frail so I see no reason why a child should give up their seat for me. I’m much more in charge of my faculties than they are so I feel it’s safer for them to be seated.

But on a train it’s not just about muscle tone is it? I would argue that most six year olds don’t have the vestibular or proprioceptive development to navigate the sudden stop/start motions of a train, or anticipate if someone bigger is going to bash into them. It’s not like standing in a queue

So question - why would you not ask a healthy adult to give up their seat instead?

And actually the issue I have with DD1 at the moment is not her not being thoughtful, it's the opposite. She doesn't consider herself enough or stand up for herself enough, so I'm trying to work on putting herself first sometimes so she doesn't get shoved to the back. So no, I wouldn't be telling her that her requirements are less important than someone else's for no real reason.

The irony of entitled adults having a go at supposedly entitled children. If you’re healthy then stand. It’s better for you anyway than sitting.

Because that would mean an adult standing. A 2 year old can sit on an adult's lap.

If you need a seat for whatever reason ask. Children have as much right to a seat as you.

I disagree it's declining standards. It's a cultural shift in that children are no longer viewed as less than adults.

@ConkersAndChestnuts - I am not demanding they give me their seat! As I said I would probably refuse it. But I do think it's a cultural change that is not for the better as it speaks to a mindset

I got second hand embarrassment reading your post OP, I just can't get my head around why you would expect a child that young to offer their seat up to you.

I have never witnessed it on public transport and if I did I would think the parent cared more about people pleasing random strangers than their child's safety or comfort.

If we are talking about a busy train and a child who can sit on their parents lap then yeah, it's polite for the parent to offer the seat moving the kid onto their lap.

But why should an older child make room for an adult? The kid has as much right to the seat as the adult does, assuming the adult is otherwise capable of standing. Obviously anyone who clearly needs a seat should be offered one but beyond that? Nope.

But how is the mindset that children should give up their seats for someone just based on age - a good one?

Does that mean you judge every child that doesn't - even if that child has a hidden disability?