Ex MIL wants to take my 1 year old away for 3 months

[diamontee]

I know I'm not being unreasonable, but just need somewhere to rant!

Ex MIL casually dropped in the conversation that she wants to take DD (13 months) to her home country for three months. I immediately said absolutely not! She then followed up with "ok, just one month then"! This is apparently so that DD can "get used" to being away from me as she is very clingy. Why on earth would a 13 month old need to get used to being away from their mother for months at a time?!

Apparently I'm completely unreasonable for not allowing this and have been accused of "hogging" the baby... honestly couldn't make this up!

This thread has escalated massively with huge amounts of speculation. MN gone crazy!

Howling at that, best comment!

She had her chance at parenting
If she thinks “hogging” your child is taking them away for 2 weeks then I presume she wouldn’t want to be accused of the same.

She made her choices in how to parent or not parent her child now it is your turn to choose how you parent

Just because it is her culture doesn’t mean it is yours

I would have thought that she would have realised the damage that separating a child from their mother can cause. I mean look at how her ds turned out with attachment issues surrounding his own child.

Something that you don’t want for your own child.

Definitely never leave your child with her for even 5 minutes if she is that bonkers and guard against her getting her hands on your child’s passport or applying for another one.

Agree with others. This woman isn’t your friend. She just wants your child

"No thanks"
"I don't think so"
"That doesn't work for us"
"Thanks but no"

And repeat.
Apply for your child's passport yourself and then hide it.

Yes!

The crux is an op having an ongoing relationship with her ex mil, which involves her being criticised and accused. And with very little intention it would seem of stopping that relationship

I would say it's very relevant. We hear to often if children taken on holiday who don't return and the courts are powerless.
I wouldn't let my kids go for that long. It's none of her business how clingy a child is, especially one so young!

Never, and to be honest after her asking I don't think I could ever let her spend time with the child unsupervised. If she has the cheek to ask that I wouldn't trust her an inch.

I would also be keeping my child’s passport in a place she isn’t likely to be able to access ( even outside of your home maybe with a trusted friend?)

She is a lunatic

You might never see your child again. Absolutely 💯 no way. Hide there passport too.

I keep her passport at my mum's house.

That would be a hard no from me!

Ask your mil if she allowed her kids to be taken out of the country when they were young. I bet you the answer is no......

She's obviously lost her mind in its entirety!

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/international-parental-child-abduction#:~:text=Preventing%20parental%20child%20abduction,-if%20you%20are&text=ask%20your%20local%20police%20to,of%20those%20with%20parental%20responsibility.

I wouldn’t even let my mum take my baby to my own home country for a month at this age (and much later too)! YANBU

This has come up as one of the first articles on my Apple News btw. The mirror has picked it up.

Great journalism 👍

This

Be Very careful. It sounds like she's trying to steal the baby.

Agree, yes. I just meant it's irrelevant in that it doesn't matter where she wants to take her, it would still be a no!

@Aria2015 Id rather apply and have their passports in my house.

I don't understand " the hogging the baby" thing! It's your DC, you made them, you get to say who else gets a turn. Does she say you're hogging your house or your car?

Of course she can take a baby away for three months or a month. Just not your one! She can take her own baby, your ex!

The usual overreaction and kicking off on this thread with talk of blocking etc and never seeing her again.

Just say that it's nice that you want to take her in a long holiday but she's too young and you'd miss her. And she's right, in some cultures it's perfectly normal for grandparents to have sole care of DCs when their parents work away but not in your culture so it's a no. You don't have to be horrible about it if she's otherwise a caring and loving grandma.