Advice on MIL

[Maxmadgiraffe]

Opinions please!
My lo is 6 months old, and I normally put her down to bed when I can tell she is tired which is normally 730ish
She'll go to sleep then by herself and sleep through the night, not crying as she's overtired etc - she's a happy baby
And that makes me a happy mummy

However
My MIL thinks this is ridiculous as she says her children didnt have a bed time and she made them fit in with her, if she was out they were out
she always invites us to go round in the evening, or if we go earlier makes it impossible for us to leave to get back in time for babies 'bedtime' because i feel like shes trying to make a point
This results in baby crying and not settling down all because shes tired

MIL says I am letting the baby dictate my life and if I want to stay out I should make baby stay up and she 'doesn't care' if baby cries it doesn't bother her and I should just ignore her

But it bothers me, I don't feel like baby should be crying simply because she's tired and not allowed to go to bed
I feel like MIL is dictating my life, not the baby
Or is she right? Am I being over sensitive to her crying

Different parents parent differently. I am with you and get mine home so they can get some good sleep, and if she sleeps through the night for you- amazing! Also I plan so they can get a nap, even if just timing the day so they can nap in the car.

She's your baby so you need to do what works for you! My toddler is an absolute nightmare if bedtime is too late, and was a bad sleeper for so long that I'm really protective of our routine and prefer to stick to it if at all possible. Yes, I've made alterations to my life around my children, but that's a completely normal part of parenting. Some (lucky!) parents do have kids who are happy fitting in with them and it doesn't cause problems, but there's nothing at all wrong with deciding that you value your DD being settled and sleeping well over evening socialising.

Mine always needed to sleep in her cot, keeping her up beyond her bedtime anywhere else resulted in a meltdown and then a horrible day the next day because she rarely catches on sleep by waking later. Your baby you decide.

This is totally up to you to decide, not something for MIL to dictate to prove her point.

Of course she’s not right - your baby, your decision. It’s also very baby-dependent. My eldest could stay up and was unaffected by missed naps etc, my youngest is more like your little one. And who in their right mind wants to hear their baby screaming, esp if it’s avoidable. If you can get her down calmly and then enjoy a peaceful evening, hats off to you! Tell MiL you disagree on this one and that she doesn’t need to keep bringing it up

At the time you need to leave you just up and leave. Mil used to try offering us more fucking cups of tea.. Dh stood there trying to appease her on why dc needed to go home . While I continued to pack the car with dc and bags. Dh needs to be having a word op.

Tell mil she had her children and you’re glad it worked for her. You’re happy with the routine you have, so that’s what you’re going with . Nobody is wrong and said with a smile as you put dc in car seat at 7pm and go home (mil is just being a pain in the ass and we also didn’t bat an eye at smacking kids back in the day and don’t really do that anymore either) basically your child your choice and best to start this sooner rather than later

We have strict bed times here, we are looser with naps but bedtime is bedtime and I don't care who it doesn't suit. It's a case of our baby and our way. But your dh should be telling her to but out.

Sounds like your baby is very settled and happy. Maybe ask your MIL why she is so determined to sabotage your routine? Seems like she's the one who wants the control.

Seriously though, just carry on what your are doing. You can always decline/accept the invites as you see fit. Hopefully DH backs you up.

My husband is an only child and she's used to what she says goes
She will purposely make it so dinner isn't ready, or just blatantly say we aren't allowed to leave yet
My husband just says to go along with what she says because it's just easier
But I just don't get how she can be happy to listen to her granddaughter crying ???

I didn’t have a routine for my babies really but that’s more to do with them. You sound like you have a great way of working things so nothing needs changing at all.

The routine works for you and for baby. Who wants a grumpy baby, would you want someone keeping you awake when you were sleepy (would your mil!).

When she says you aren't allowed to leave, just go. She can't stop you.

And if she carries this on, every time she pulls the late dinner or blocking you from going, decline the next invitation. Invite her to yours at a time which suits you and baby.

You also need a serious word with your husband. His desire for an easy life is causing upset to you and your daughter. He needs to prioritise the needs of his infant daughter, rather than pandering to his overbearing mother.

You don’t need to stay to appease your MIL and tell your dh he is a dad now his priority is to the welfare of his child not appeasement of his mother.

Baby will be ill next time op and dh can go alone.
Next time you will have to get back fir blah urgent.
Next time you can't go baby blah.

Start to out manoeuvre her now before it becomes embedded

@Maxmadgiraffe
I was probably more like your mil when mine were little. Maybe she and I are the same generation!But you should do what works for you and she should ABSOLUTELY shut up about it. Mine never cried though-they just crashed
like the hippies they were.

Stand up for yourselves once.

If dinner isn’t really by the time you need to leave, then leave. She knows what she is playing at. Once you push back she will have to rethink playing silly games.

And your DH sounds like a wet lettuce. Putting his mothers wants above his child’s needs. What a prince he is.

I assume you can drive

No way would I stop a routine thats working to make your MIL happy. A routine is key!
Ignore everything she says. Stick to what you are doing x

Ah there we are - a DH problem. Selfish, spineless, pathetic.

I'd refuse to go close to bedtime if I were you. Better than having a row. Better than DC being messed about by her mental granny.

I’ll translate for you, when your DH says just go along with it because it’s easier, he means it’s easier for him because he’s unwilling or unable to go against his mum’s wishes, it isn’t easier for you is it? Having an unsettled baby and sleep deprivation? The health and happiness of a dependent infant trumps an adult’s desire for her contover things

control over children that aren’t hers and that won’t be crying in her arms at 10.30 pm and cranky to be next day.

Having a baby at 6 months that sleeps through the night from 7:30 sounds heaven!!!! Make the most of it, ignore her and enjoy your evenings 😀

This! She’s made it easy for you. No evening visits. Shame but it has a pattern of not working out for your baby. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your MIL is being very manipulative. I agree with the posters who say just leave when it’s time to leave, even if dinner isn’t ready or whatever. Your MIL is not the boss of you, even if she’d like to be. If she gets upset, too bad. She’s an adult. She should have learned to respect other people’s decisions by now.