Advice on MIL

[Maxmadgiraffe]

Opinions please!
My lo is 6 months old, and I normally put her down to bed when I can tell she is tired which is normally 730ish
She'll go to sleep then by herself and sleep through the night, not crying as she's overtired etc - she's a happy baby
And that makes me a happy mummy

However
My MIL thinks this is ridiculous as she says her children didnt have a bed time and she made them fit in with her, if she was out they were out
she always invites us to go round in the evening, or if we go earlier makes it impossible for us to leave to get back in time for babies 'bedtime' because i feel like shes trying to make a point
This results in baby crying and not settling down all because shes tired

MIL says I am letting the baby dictate my life and if I want to stay out I should make baby stay up and she 'doesn't care' if baby cries it doesn't bother her and I should just ignore her

But it bothers me, I don't feel like baby should be crying simply because she's tired and not allowed to go to bed
I feel like MIL is dictating my life, not the baby
Or is she right? Am I being over sensitive to her crying

@billy1966

I do appreciate your no nonsense posts, 😂. Tough love.

I think of you like one of those two fat ladies cooks, clarrisa dickson right

I will take the compliment, thank you.🙏

I caught them a few times many years ago, and thoroughly enjoyed them.

Approaching 60 and more or less post menopausal.... I have approaching zero tolerance for poor behaviour, encroachment of boundaries and any CF rudeness.

Happily my close circle of friends are very similar .....and dare I say it, I am considered a bit of a softy by them😱😁

Definitely a compliment... A softy 😱🤣

YANBU. Your mil is right that the baby is dictating your life, and rightly so babies need a routine, I did exactly the same with my ds when he was around 4m he was ready for bed at 8.45pm ish, he was still sleeping with us so I used to just go to bed at the same time. Now he's 13m and he's ready for bed around 7-8pm , we don't go out in the evenings at the moment because we are parents now and it's a small sacrifice to make until he is older.
You keep doing what you're doing, and the next time she says baby is dictating your life tell her "yes! Because they need a routine! If I need advice I'll be sure to ask but I'm all good thanks!"

I agree with you about it being a control thing. When babies are born some grandparents think they are going to call all the shots as to how you (the parent) are going to do things, and when that doesn’t happen they dig in trying to force THEIR way on you.

I had it with my own mother (I ended up going no contact with her as her behaviour got so bad and was having a detrimental affect on all of us).

Easier to do it with my own mother I know but your DH needs to realise that the needs of his own child come before his mummy’s wants. He needs to see that. Your MIL is a cow.

Your baby your rules. Take a second car so you can leave early

What did you think? Hopefully you found it helpful.

@billy1966

You are completely right though.
My dh has astronomically interfering mad parents but he always had my back. Even then because he was conditioned to please mum and dad dad forced him to please mum, he still struggled occasionally.
We had a particularly nasty point after dd1 birth and yes. I was ready to leave.

Tell her you will only go for lunch from now on due to baby's bedtime. We only ever went for Sunday lunch to in laws. As for Xmas, now you have a baby I'd suggest you start having Xmas at home with your own little family, nows the time to change before a pattern is created👍

This issue will not change.
She will interfere and she will try to take over your parenting.

Fight fire with fire by asserting yourself now or this IS your future.

This from @billy1966 so true. Cut this crap out now as it won't stop otherwise.

Ime mil's don't help themselves. When ds was weaning ils were asking if he would be vegetarian like me.. Something dp supported in ds being. Probably looking back so he had a reason to opt out of cooking.... They declared he would eat meat when they had him. So they didn't. Ever.
Split up when 3 dc were under 7. They never contacted me at all. They damaged irreparably any relationship we had...

I would tell dh u and baby are not going around on an evening anymore due to mils behaviour. Leave him to explain/manage. You visit on a weekend (if you want to)

Xmas decide your plans and tell mil how they fit in.