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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not allow dm aged 88 to my house

131 replies

Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 09:39

she used to drive but no longer drives
i now drive to her house to see her
recently she came to my house, via bus, however when i was looking for some dry clothes, we got caught in the rain, she was snooping through my medications

i find that totally out of order,
i appreciate curiosity can get the better, if a letter is open on table it is hard to resist, but to actually lift things up to look is out of order
i would rather not know about my ds financial affairs for instance and if a letter was left open i would not look

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 21/08/2023 10:24

The OP is entitled to her privacy and is within her rights not to share her medication info with her mother, who shouldn't have snooped.

I just can't understand banning someone from your house and not telling them why.

ilovesooty · 21/08/2023 10:25

purplegreen99 · 21/08/2023 10:23

"Old people do odd things"
"A lot of elderly people are nosey"
"...some elderly people do odd things"

Some quotes from this thread. Do you guys use sweeping generalisations and stereotypes about other groups or is it just ageism you think is okay?

Some people do odd things. A lot of people are nosey.

Exactly.

ToughFuss · 21/08/2023 10:26

You’re being utterly ridiculous. For goodness sake, she’s 88 years old and you’re choosing to ban her from your house over the fact she read a couple of medication labels?! Unless there’s some whipping drip feed to come, you’re very unreasonable

ThreeLittleDots · 21/08/2023 10:27

This is not something to get worked up about - they were hardly hidden, were they? I wouldn't care less.

Inkpotlover · 21/08/2023 10:27

If you want her to stop being nosey, stop putting your head in the sand and just take stuff off her when she picks it up and say, 'that's personal'. Rinse and repeat until she gets the message. But don't ban her from your home because you're too cowardly to confront the issue.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 10:28

i just think some things are personal,

but i will do a clear up in case she wants to do the trip again - of course i wont absolutely ban her but i am unhappy about the snooping

OP posts:
SoosanCarter · 21/08/2023 10:29

My mother had a very annoying response when my sister and I were cagey about things. “But I’m your mother!” We wouldn’t have minded telling her things if only she’d had some discretion.
It might as well have been in the Parish Magazine. “Soosan’s Mother is pleased to report that Susan is now on HRT, and is managing without her anti-depressants”.

ilovesooty · 21/08/2023 10:29

Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 10:28

i just think some things are personal,

but i will do a clear up in case she wants to do the trip again - of course i wont absolutely ban her but i am unhappy about the snooping

Tell her so then.

MissDollyMix · 21/08/2023 10:30

My DM is very nosey. Always has been. I know if she comes over to my house she’d have a good poke around so I now leave a trail of fake ‘breadcrumbs’ - something that will maybe shock her or interest her.. and I hide the really personal stuff away. We generally have a good relationship but it’s just one of her character flaws. I definitely wouldn’t ban her from my house over it!

Beaverbridge · 21/08/2023 10:30

My late mum thought she was being "helpful" putting all our bank statements in date order when she was babysitting once.!. Shes long gone and in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 21/08/2023 10:31

Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 10:28

i just think some things are personal,

but i will do a clear up in case she wants to do the trip again - of course i wont absolutely ban her but i am unhappy about the snooping

Then open your mouth and tell her.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 21/08/2023 10:32

ilovesooty · 21/08/2023 10:24

The OP is entitled to her privacy and is within her rights not to share her medication info with her mother, who shouldn't have snooped.

I just can't understand banning someone from your house and not telling them why.

This.

What a weird thread!

Whattodo112222 · 21/08/2023 10:33

Op you're being pretty obtuse in your replies..

Pipsquiggle · 21/08/2023 10:34

I don't understand the ostrich reference.

If she does something like this again - tell her. I don't understand all the drama around this unless there is a huge backstory of her being an addict &/or a gossip etc

Poivresel · 21/08/2023 10:35

@Crumpetdisappointment my dm is a proper snooper.
Some parents think they have a right to know what's happening in their dc lives.
I just hide stuff when dm is visiting.
It is annoying though.
As for pp's saying tell her it's really not worth the huge fallout.

diddl · 21/08/2023 10:36

I'm nosy & always have been.

That's not going to change when I get old(er).

If medication is left out I might look at it.

I know that that's bad.

Would never read letters or go through cupboards though.

redskytwonight · 21/08/2023 10:37

How is the relationship with your mum generally? I think this is key.

My mother thinks that she has free reign to go through all my possessions as she deems fit. she goes in drawers, looks at letters, noses in cupboards. She doesn't see this as a problem and will not change.

So I "sanitise" the lounge before she comes to visit and makes sure she does not wander round the rest of the house. She thinks I am being secretive and controlling. Her problem. I wouldn't go so far as to ban her from coming unless there are other issues.

DragonFly98 · 21/08/2023 10:39

The weirdest thing about this thread is that people don't understand sayings.

Wishimaywishimight · 21/08/2023 10:39

Why do you have to jump to such an extreme option? Just say "Please don't go through my stuff".

Yes, she's 88, give her a break. Maybe she's bored. Probably a bit nosy.

The world, at 88, tends to be pretty small. Please don't banish her from your home. The fact she made her way there by bus is pretty impressive, don't take this away from her.

itsmyp4rty · 21/08/2023 10:41

It was rude of her to snoop through your meds but you should have just said there and then 'why are you looking through my medication? Can you not do that please it's none of your business.' If she then did it again it would be reasonable to only see her at her house.

Is it possible she was just worried about you or has she always been a nosey and intrusive person?

Iamacatslave · 21/08/2023 10:41

Then open your big beak and ask her not to go through your cupboards.

Wishimaywishimight · 21/08/2023 10:43

Purpleavocado · 21/08/2023 09:56

Probably not want you want to hear, but I'd love to have my elderly Mum snooping through my house. Maybe you'll miss her when she's gone?

These sorts of comments used to annoy me. Since I lost my darling dad last year, I totally understand them. My mum is very much still with us thankfully and it would take a lot for me to get annoyed with her and unthinkable to even think of banishing her from my house!. I truly do appreciate her in a way I never used to. Grief and loss will do that to you.

Sorry for your loss @Purpleavocado

Sasha19052 · 21/08/2023 10:44

Nothing to do with age, so what if she is 88? 68? 28?

If you are nosy (as @diddl admits 😂) then you are nosy.

Either tell her, or don't. Either way if you are seeing her regularly then that is the main thing.

Sasha19052 · 21/08/2023 10:45

Iamacatslave · 21/08/2023 10:41

Then open your big beak and ask her not to go through your cupboards.

😂

sparkleshin · 21/08/2023 10:46

If youre that bothered about it tell her and she might be embarrassed enough to stop

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