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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not allow dm aged 88 to my house

131 replies

Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 09:39

she used to drive but no longer drives
i now drive to her house to see her
recently she came to my house, via bus, however when i was looking for some dry clothes, we got caught in the rain, she was snooping through my medications

i find that totally out of order,
i appreciate curiosity can get the better, if a letter is open on table it is hard to resist, but to actually lift things up to look is out of order
i would rather not know about my ds financial affairs for instance and if a letter was left open i would not look

OP posts:
Gagagardener · 21/08/2023 10:04

Of course she's interested in what meds you take. She's 88, and likely to be on a range of meds herself. (I hope you know what hers are: you need to, to see where you could be heading.)

She's your mother; you are her grown-up and probably middle-aged or even approaching elderly daughter. You are nearer her age now than you were as a baby, toddler, little girl or spiky teenager.

My advice is not to be touchy. Ask yourself who you will have in your life if you arrive at your mother's age, and enjoy her company while you have her.

Kindofcrunchy · 21/08/2023 10:05

Any of us could die at any time. That's no reason to put up with people invading your privacy.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 10:05

yes, i will put my medications out of sight.
she is not as ancient as some of you are thinking
she gets buses regularly, volunteers in a charity shop a bus ride away twice a week.
so she is not incapacitated
just nosy

OP posts:
Ohmylovejune · 21/08/2023 10:06

@BlueBlubbaWhale

No one is saying its the right thing to do. Just that some elderly people do odd things and a conversation is the maximum reaction and asking her to not come again is a massive over reaction.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 10:06

thank you @Gagagardener

OP posts:
GCAcademic · 21/08/2023 10:09

Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 10:00

we havent fallen out
as i said
i am an ostrich

So you’re not going to mention this to her but are going to stop her coming to your house? That seems much more cruel than having it out with her. She’s surely going to be wondering why she’s not welcome in your house any more.

Original poster
Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 10:11

no @GCAcademic
i normally go to her house now

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 21/08/2023 10:12

Where were they?

Curtains70 · 21/08/2023 10:12

Ostrich????

EdieLedwell · 21/08/2023 10:13

Was she rifling through a meds cupboard or were they sitting out in a worktop?

MrsMarzetti · 21/08/2023 10:13

Is that a reason you would ban your very elderly mum from your house for ? What a wonderful perfect person you must be. Ever thought she is worried about your health, after all you are daughter who is not in the first flush of youth. One day your mum won't be here and if you have banned her from your house for such a pathetic reason you will feel guilt as well as grief.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 21/08/2023 10:14

Yabu and OTT, hope that helps.

Thelnebriati · 21/08/2023 10:14

People are going to say 'have you tried talking to her' as if you that will fix the problem. It won't. You should be able to have your own things out in your own home, and no one should need telling to keep their fingers to themselves.

Mariposista · 21/08/2023 10:15

MrsMarzetti · 21/08/2023 10:13

Is that a reason you would ban your very elderly mum from your house for ? What a wonderful perfect person you must be. Ever thought she is worried about your health, after all you are daughter who is not in the first flush of youth. One day your mum won't be here and if you have banned her from your house for such a pathetic reason you will feel guilt as well as grief.

Or she could be so arrogant that she will still think she was doing the right thing even when her poor mum is dead.
My gran told me a week before she died that she was so sad and disappointed that one of her children thought a 4 minute once a week phonecall constituted being family. He still thinks that was ok. Not everyone is kind to our elderly. Makes me so sad.

ilovesooty · 21/08/2023 10:19

Crumpetdisappointment · 21/08/2023 09:53

if it happens again i will speak up

How's it going to happen again if you ban her from your house?

If you ban her from your house are you going to tell her why?

anyolddinosaur · 21/08/2023 10:19

She was concerned about your health and you want to ban her from your home for that. Really find it very strange that adults would prefer their family were not concerned about them.

Mooshamoo · 21/08/2023 10:19

This makes me really sad. She is 88.

I know a lot of people who have died at 81, 82.

That she made it to 88 is a miracle.

People at 88 are very weak and frail. Be kind to her. You sound so cruel.

ilovesooty · 21/08/2023 10:21

She should not have been looking through the OP's medication, whatever her age.

I just think the OP should address that with her.

LoserWinner · 21/08/2023 10:21

Why are you so concerned about her knowing about your meds? Are you trying to hide some kind of health condition from her?

Loopylooni · 21/08/2023 10:22

A friend had his in laws going through all their bank statements whilst they were babysitting the grandkids! When friend and wife got home, the parents had a go at them!

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2023 10:22

It’s snooping it’s an invasion of privacy I get it up.

Just stick to visiting your mum at her house or out and about simple.

purplegreen99 · 21/08/2023 10:23

"Old people do odd things"
"A lot of elderly people are nosey"
"...some elderly people do odd things"

Some quotes from this thread. Do you guys use sweeping generalisations and stereotypes about other groups or is it just ageism you think is okay?

Some people do odd things. A lot of people are nosey.

fuckityfuckityfuckfuck · 21/08/2023 10:23

What makes you an Ostrich @CCrumpetdisappointment ?

I'm picturing you s a giant bird, wings outstretched, chasing and pecking your elderly DM out the door. But I'm guessing that's not what you mean.

OhmygodDont · 21/08/2023 10:23

She means head in the sand.

pontipinemum · 21/08/2023 10:24

My mum is a lot younger than yours (56) and reads things that are left out. So I just put them away before she comes over. Do that.

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