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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended by this?!

84 replies

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 08:41

I went out on a girls night with some friends and made more of an effort than I usually do. I was feeling quite good in myself which is rare these days. The girls I went out with are very into taking constant photos every time we go out which I don't mind as such but do feel is a bit ott and I don't always feel like I want my picture taken but I obliged them when they asked as I felt I looked good.
I've just seen my friend has posted several of the pictures from the night and she's put a filter on my picture that I believe is supposed to make me look younger but honestly makes me look like some sort of AI 12 year old and is noticeably fake. I'm 35 and I'm in decent nick (I thought!). It's really hurt my feelings as she hasn't done this on any of her other photos either of herself or other friends and it feels like a dig. She is quite image conscious as she is on the larger side and I can't imagine her taking kindly to me posting a picture with a slimming filter used only on her. AIBU to be offended?

OP posts:
lovemelongtime · 21/08/2023 08:43

I'd be really pissed off and ask her what's she playing at.
That's offensive

RavingStyle · 21/08/2023 08:46

If she'd filtered everyone, no problem; but just you? And then to show you? Horrible behaviour.
This person is not your friend.

Original poster
Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 09:02

@RavingStyle nope, just me. I thought this might be something that she does to everyone so looked through her feed and she hasn't. She's also wearing sunglasses in the picture she's taken, so it's very clearly just a dig at me!

OP posts:
CapEBarra · 21/08/2023 09:07

Just reply, ‘ 😂😂😂Mary. I know I’m young looking but you didn’t need to make me look like a 12 year old.’

yellowsmileyface · 21/08/2023 09:14

That's really weird behaviour. I'd feel offended too.

I'd probably message her something like "just seen the photos. Was a great night! Just wondering why you've put that filter on my photo?"

SpunkyGibbon · 21/08/2023 09:25

Write on her post and ask her why
Bloody nasty and shows how shallow she is
Say something

Original poster
Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 09:30

I'm so glad to know I'm not going crazy. I've just messaged her to ask why she's done it. This feels very mean girls to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 09:32

It's so strange as well because she's the kind of girl that prides herself on not wearing makeup and getting hair extensions etc so I'm surprised that she doesn't appear to appreciate natural beauty

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 21/08/2023 09:35

She sounds awful and frankly jealous.

CyberCritical · 21/08/2023 09:35

I hate filters, the amount of my friends on Facebook who use the stupid things and get loads of 'OMG you look fantastic, how do you look so young?' Posts. It's really bloody obvious they're filtered we've all seen these people in real life, we know what they look like with their normal shaped chin, laugh lines, average sized eyes....

Ask her to remove the filtered image

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 21/08/2023 09:36

What a bitch.

Original poster
Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 09:37

@KimberleyClark That did cross my mind. Like I say, I felt I looked good and received some compliments. She hadn't really made much effort and was actually upset when she came to meet us as some tourists had been commenting on her outfit in a non complimentary way. I've also just seen that she's deleted other pictures of us together where I looked nice, so I think there may be some bad vibes here.

OP posts:
Marmalady75 · 21/08/2023 09:39

I work with someone that uses these stupid filters (even on “professional” photos). I do it for a laugh with my 8 yo, nobody else sees them and I certainly wouldn’t do it to a photo of someone else - just plain rude!

Original poster
Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 09:47

I just hate how it's made me question myself when on the day I was feeling really good. I have mild eyebags and I am a quite self conscious about them but I didn't think they looked that bad. Giving her the benefit of the doubt I'm wondering if she thought she was doing me a favour. I've never used face filters though, I think they're so bizarre so not sure why she'd think I would want her to do that. Surely just don't post the picture if it's that bad?!

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 21/08/2023 09:49

I know someone who has Botox but still filters all her photos. It’s sad.

bellinisurge · 21/08/2023 09:51

She just filtered you? Nah, I'd be moving away from spending time with her from now on.

Cowlover89 · 21/08/2023 10:03

She's not your friend. What a cunt

Original poster
Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 10:04

@bellinisurge Yes I think you're right, I've had other issues with her in the past but have tried to keep the peace for the sake of the friendship group.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 21/08/2023 10:06

CapEBarra · 21/08/2023 09:07

Just reply, ‘ 😂😂😂Mary. I know I’m young looking but you didn’t need to make me look like a 12 year old.’

Do this. Call her out but in a lighthearted manner.

ASDMumof2 · 21/08/2023 10:15

Jealousy is not a good look on anyone. She is no friend :(

yellowsmileyface · 21/08/2023 10:16

Given your updates it certainly sounds like she was jealous and being catty.

I'd just make it known you'd like the filtered photo removed, and either distance yourself or keep things civil if you value the group as a whole. Certainly don't take anything she says or does to heart.

Sasha19052 · 21/08/2023 10:19

CapEBarra · 21/08/2023 09:07

Just reply, ‘ 😂😂😂Mary. I know I’m young looking but you didn’t need to make me look like a 12 year old.’

I would absolutely put this under the photo. Let's her know that you know what she is up to, and that you think it is daft

Original poster
Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 10:27

OK so she's just responded, "lol, there wasn't a filter, it's just the way my camera took it 🤷‍♀️"
This is a blatant lie. I almost look a different race and it's airbrushed beyond all recognition. None of the pictures on her page look like this. I feel like I'm being gaslit, what do I do here?!

OP posts:
CyberCritical · 21/08/2023 10:30

Justanotherdobby · 21/08/2023 10:27

OK so she's just responded, "lol, there wasn't a filter, it's just the way my camera took it 🤷‍♀️"
This is a blatant lie. I almost look a different race and it's airbrushed beyond all recognition. None of the pictures on her page look like this. I feel like I'm being gaslit, what do I do here?!

Leave it.

She's not going to admit it. Decide if you want to continue the friendship but there's just no point putting any more energy into this specific argument.

IhearyouClemFandango · 21/08/2023 10:34

I would reply "😂 righto"

I bloody hate filters. Especially when you see the person day to day on the school run etc, we all know you don't look like that, why do it?!