To be offended by this?!

[Justanotherdobby]

I went out on a girls night with some friends and made more of an effort than I usually do. I was feeling quite good in myself which is rare these days. The girls I went out with are very into taking constant photos every time we go out which I don't mind as such but do feel is a bit ott and I don't always feel like I want my picture taken but I obliged them when they asked as I felt I looked good.
I've just seen my friend has posted several of the pictures from the night and she's put a filter on my picture that I believe is supposed to make me look younger but honestly makes me look like some sort of AI 12 year old and is noticeably fake. I'm 35 and I'm in decent nick (I thought!). It's really hurt my feelings as she hasn't done this on any of her other photos either of herself or other friends and it feels like a dig. She is quite image conscious as she is on the larger side and I can't imagine her taking kindly to me posting a picture with a slimming filter used only on her. AIBU to be offended?

Well what can you do? She’s clearly determined to double down on being a weirdo, so leave her to it I guess. I don’t think she’s the type of friend I’d really want tbh, like you say, it’s all a bit ‘mean girls’

Just put a 👍 and leave it there.

"No filter, wow! My confidence has just taken a real boost - thanks!"

I have a Facebook acquaintance who is the same age as me and uses those ridiculous bloody 'glass skin / sparkly eye' K-Pop-type filters.

She looks perfectly fine for her age, but she is in her 40s and in real life, looks like a well-presented woman of that age group: definitely NOT like a Korean teenager. It really makes me laugh when her hun chums comment along the lines of 'wow, looking so young, babe!' and she thanks them.

I think she genuinely believes the rest of us came down in the last shower of rain...

I've just said "...right..."
I'm just going to distance myself going forward. We are supposed to be going out in a few weeks at her suggestion but I'll just say I can't make it. I don't understand why someone who goes out of their way to spend time with me and seems to enjoy my company would also be so bitchy towards me.
People are weird!

~Did you see the picture before she posted it? My phone adds an automatic "smoothing" filter unless you turn it off and I had no idea until recently!

If this isn't the case she is a jellyfish and well avoided!

Are you able to remove your 'tag' to the photos so at least they don't appear on your feed every time someone comments on them?

What a lovely friend you have; someone who is clearly jealous of you so feels the need to add a filter to just your photo and then lies about it? Nice.

I thought this. If the friend is jealous surely she would've made the picture look... bad? Not airbrushed or what she feels like looks better. If she felt inferior next to you in the pic surely she would edit you to be unflattering?

Either way, she sounds like an idiot. I'd stay away OP and good on you for feeling good about yourself!

@washingmachineslivelongerwithcalgon
I didn't see the picture before it was posted but she has posted other pictures of herself from that day and none of them have a filter so it feels and looks very intentional.
Re. the jealously aspect, my feeling is that it is so obviously filtered that it's designed to make me feel insecure. I think she wants to make me feel this way because misery loves company and she was feeling a bit upset because some tourists had commented negatively on her outfit. She also made a subtle dig at my outfit implying I was overdressed, which I didn't take notice of at the time but I'm seeing in a new light now.

She might not be lying about the camera having done it. I've taken some strange photos by accident by hitting different settings.

It's a hard one. Don't do it myself but can see the appeal.. celebs do it, many others do it, it makes the person feel good. They know they don't look like that but can pretend for a while. They don't have to deal with the bad photo disappointment where you looked good in the mirror but not in pics!

As all other pics you say don't have filter on and her response is stupid, I would just not make any effort on that friendship.

Oh I see! I didn't think of it coming from that angle. To purposely edit it so you feel insecure, as supposed to editing it to make you 'look better' on her Instagram or whatever.

Yeah, horrid woman. She has work to do on herself. She's definitely not your friend OP!

Certain angles and poses wont trigger the filter if it doesn't recognise a face,

If you generally get on and she is normally a pleasant friend I would take her word for it.

If she has form for being snide and is otherwise not a good person to be around then you can gently and quietly move on from the friendship it doesn't need to be a big hoo haa.

@HairsprayBabe it's a weird one, on one hand we do seem to get on quite well and share things in common/ have a laugh. On the other she can get very argumentative and downright hostile if you disagree with her.
One example: on holiday we were going for a lunch and I ordered a chicken caesar salad with fries as that's my favourite meal. I didn't do it in an attention seeking way or ask her what she thought of my order but she pointedly declared that she was going to order something substantial as she needed a real meal. I pointed out that chicken caesar salad is actually very calorific and isn't a typical dainty salad and she screamed at me that she needs a bigger meal because she's a bigger woman.... it was really weird and made things awkward.

I don't understand why someone who goes out of their way to spend time with me and seems to enjoy my company would also be so bitchy towards me.

I'd say it entirely comes down to insecurity. She wants to feel like the Regina George.

I presume everyone else from the group can see she's done this? I feel like it's quite transparent why she's done it and she'll have only made herself look bad.

The saladgate story sounds like she was pissed off at you for making her look/feel bad for not ordering a salad. Projecting her own issues.

@yellowsmileyface I could understand if I'd been smug about it or asked her if she thought she should get a salad too but I just ordered my food and she literally took it so personally. Ironically my meal was way more unhealthy than what she ordered so what on earth was the problem?! She did a similar thing when I was talking about my plans to become vegan and she gets very triggered by the fact I have quite specific standards for the men I date or when I won't make the first move.
No idea what impact any of those things has on her life.

A lot of these suggestions are passive aggressive. Don’t say 🤣, “righto” or try to be humorous about it.
Be assertive say directly what the problem is, why it’s a problem and what you want her to do about it. e.g. “It’s obvious you’ve used a filter because I look like a 12 yr old. I feel like you’re making a comment on my appearance and you’ve singled me out. Please don’t do it again.”
She might have a pass agg response to this, but at least you’ve told her in no uncertain terms.

I think you’re being ridiculously dramatic!

Its a picture in which you think she’s changed to make you look nicer - how can you possible take offence to that.

I would understand if she put a filter con to make you look worse or didn’t put a photo of you up at all.

Chances are the photo she took of you didn’t look nice but she still wanted to post you so she spruced it up a bit or as she said it was just her phone/lighting that made you look younger and she didn’t re-touch it at all.

@Itsnotrightbutitsok You can think what you like, I'm completely valid in feeling offended. The aspect of this that is dramatic is not my reaction but the significant change the filter has made to my features. I find the suggestion that a picture where I might not look my best (if it indeed that was the reason for this) but ultimately still human/me is inferior to picture of me looking nothing like myself is insulting and I suspect you would too if you weren't deliberate being contrary. The fact she's denied there being anything different about the picture when it's so blatantly manipulated signals some weird intent here.

I really wish I could post the picture and one I took on the same day without outing myself so you could see how deliberate what she's done is and how much I'm not overreacting. I sent it to a friend without saying anything and she laughed and said, "wowwww, airbrushed much?!🤣"

Why can’t you post it?

You’ve gone into a lot of detail anyway, so if anyone recognises you they would know it was you straight away.

I would just post both photos and then make sure you change your username after this thread.

She hasn't put the pics of you looking nice on her SM... that says it all! Little green monster

@rollonretirementfgs Thank you, my point exactly!