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Original poster

The relentlessness of children

151 replies

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 07:58

They're constantly in my face. Wanting to climb on me and sit on me. Patting me/ pulling on my clothes/ hair. Jumping on the sofa, climbing on tables.

They constant crying and constant tantrums when they can't have their way.

I just can't ! Taking them out is a nightmare, so is staying in. It's just a nightmare. Everything is difficult. I hate every day.

I'm not even a stay at home parent. I work and they go to nursery. But they're still breaking me at night / in the morning and in the evenings/ weekends.

Nappy changes are a nightmare. My 1 year old acts like he's being murdered. Constant tantrums. Taking my 3 year old to any activity / soft play often results in arguments as she just doesn't get sharing ( I know that's normal but it's still difficult ). When I discipline her she just gets worse and starts throwing stuff at me. Nothing gets through at all, ever.

But most of all, the constant demands are killing me. Not even a cup of coffee in peace without one of them trying to grab it or cry about something it demand something. I just can't. I don't even have night time to myself as one or the other is crying or wanting something from me.

I do have a partner but he's just never here because he's always working. So it's my problem. Just needed to rant. I sometimes just don't know how I can get through this.

Tired mother of a 3 and 1 year old.

OP posts:
Bex5490 · 21/08/2023 08:40

OP - no answers or advice really just that raising toddlers is hard and you’re totally normal for feeling tired and overwhelmed. It will get easier x

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 21/08/2023 08:40

To be honest, night time to myself has been a saviour. I was resistant to sleep training (and I know it's not for everyone) but we did Ferber eventually, and I should have done it sooner. Now the evenings from 7pm are mine, there's no fighting bedtime, it really is just bath time, bottles, bed and straight to sleep. I didn't realise how much I needed this time. It was a battle before every night, and it drained me. And my partner.

In the short term, I wonder if you could take a day or two's holiday leave on your own, put children in nursery, and just spend time relaxing and doing something for you. Sounds like you need to recharge a bit.

Original poster
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:40

I work from home full time. They're both on a nursery break so I have a mothers help type / nanny / baby sitter type cover. But it means I'm confined to my office as they get upset when they see me around.

Also sleep is a huge issue, especially the last few weeeks. It's catching up with me.

OP posts:
Pollyputhekettleon · 21/08/2023 08:41

Could you try making changes to how you discipline the 3 year old? If it just makes her worse? Sleep training so everyone is getting better sleep and less grumpy?

Deathbyfluffy · 21/08/2023 08:41

dottiedodah · 21/08/2023 08:36

Maybe he could give you a break sometimes .unless he works 24/7. Even a Sunday morning or something. You are working too! This phase is intense and you need a break .

There’s many jobs where the partner is away for days or weeks at a time - we don’t know if he’s got one of these jobs and simply can’t be there.

One of my friends is a compression diver (I forget the correct term) and he’s away in 32 day blocks at a time.
He has a small family and his wife just has to get on with it - his career predates his marriage, and given how long it took to train he’s not able to just change career.

MojoMoon · 21/08/2023 08:42

Is your 3 year old at home all the time?

If so, then get them into nursery, at least part time! They'll be stimulated and also someone else will be teaching them to share as well.

You'd at least not be outnumbered all the time and might get a bit of quiet time when the younger one naps.

Original poster
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:42

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 21/08/2023 08:40

To be honest, night time to myself has been a saviour. I was resistant to sleep training (and I know it's not for everyone) but we did Ferber eventually, and I should have done it sooner. Now the evenings from 7pm are mine, there's no fighting bedtime, it really is just bath time, bottles, bed and straight to sleep. I didn't realise how much I needed this time. It was a battle before every night, and it drained me. And my partner.

In the short term, I wonder if you could take a day or two's holiday leave on your own, put children in nursery, and just spend time relaxing and doing something for you. Sounds like you need to recharge a bit.

I'll look into that. Night time is relentless with the one year old. I've tried letting him cry a bit here and there but he just does not stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:43

MojoMoon · 21/08/2023 08:42

Is your 3 year old at home all the time?

If so, then get them into nursery, at least part time! They'll be stimulated and also someone else will be teaching them to share as well.

You'd at least not be outnumbered all the time and might get a bit of quiet time when the younger one naps.

Summer holidays. Trying to do clubs here and there too but it's been challenging. Tantrums have definitely got worse.

OP posts:
snatchabook · 21/08/2023 08:44

I hear you. Sahm to a 4 and 2 year old and you're right, it is just never-ending chaos. Tantrums, whining, screaming. 4 year old is currently shouting and screaming about nothing and I just know it's because he's hungry. But will he eat his breakfast? Nope. 2 year old tries to climb on me and breastfeed while I'm on the loo. It's better when we go out but we live rurally and I don't drive so options are limited.

Then at the same time you're constantly told not to wish away these years because they'll never be this little again! And it's true but Jesus, it's so hard.

TokyoSushi · 21/08/2023 08:44

At 1 & 3, you're really at the coal fave and it's super hard. You have to remember that everything's a season and this isn't your life now, it absolutely will get better.

Mine are 10 & 12 and I'm currently sitting on the hotel balcony in the sun, it's 9:45am here and I haven't even seen them yet!

Hold on, hang in there, it's going to be just fine!

Original poster
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:44

Pollyputhekettleon · 21/08/2023 08:41

Could you try making changes to how you discipline the 3 year old? If it just makes her worse? Sleep training so everyone is getting better sleep and less grumpy?

Honestly I'm all ears. I've tried a lot of things and read books on it and I just don't feel like I get through to her.

OP posts:
A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 21/08/2023 08:45

@aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh good luck. I've nothing to offer with the rest, we seem to be in tantrum central here too, the smallest things result in screaming. I'm just holding onto the hope that's it's a phase and it'll get better (soon hopefully!)

Pollyputhekettleon · 21/08/2023 08:45

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:42

I'll look into that. Night time is relentless with the one year old. I've tried letting him cry a bit here and there but he just does not stop.

Show quote history

It could be the crying a bit here and there that's the problem. Then it's all unpredictable for him, sometimes he cries for 2 minutes and you come back, sometimes it takes longer. More consistent sleep training would be less stressful for both of you in the end. He's old enough to understand you explaining to him how it's going to work.

Pollyputhekettleon · 21/08/2023 08:46

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:44

Honestly I'm all ears. I've tried a lot of things and read books on it and I just don't feel like I get through to her.

Show quote history

What do you do with her at the moment? What have you tried?

Original poster
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:46

snatchabook · 21/08/2023 08:44

I hear you. Sahm to a 4 and 2 year old and you're right, it is just never-ending chaos. Tantrums, whining, screaming. 4 year old is currently shouting and screaming about nothing and I just know it's because he's hungry. But will he eat his breakfast? Nope. 2 year old tries to climb on me and breastfeed while I'm on the loo. It's better when we go out but we live rurally and I don't drive so options are limited.

Then at the same time you're constantly told not to wish away these years because they'll never be this little again! And it's true but Jesus, it's so hard.

I feel for you. Staying home with them would drive me over the edge. I literally don't have what it takes to do that. Massive respect for you and I sincerely hope it gets better for you too.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 21/08/2023 08:47

Then at the same time you're constantly told not to wish away these years because they'll never be this little again! And it's true but Jesus, it's so hard.

Ha, people who say this no longer have small children and, like me, have memories of cute tinies, we’ve repressed all the other shit. Ask us if we’d go back to having two year olds and we look at you in horror. Hang in there, it’s really really hard.

prescribingmum · 21/08/2023 08:48

A virtual hug and promise that it does get better. Those ages were certainly the hardest for me, utterly relentless. Mine are now 5 and 6 (nearly 7) and life is much easier. Yes, many will come on here and say there are new challenges which I don't deny, but life is much easier when they can eat and dress themselves, use the toilet, play independently and articulate themselves (the last one being the biggest game changer). I don't dread whole days at home with them even though they have their moments

Its hard not to wish time away when each day is so hard and relentless - go easy on yourself and remember it gets better.

BubblinTrouble · 21/08/2023 08:48

We’re in the same boat!!! It’s relentless and hard and just grim. It makes it easier meeting up with other families and being outside if you can. Bank holiday coming up and we’re bracing ourselves for the long weekend!!

ImGoingThroughChanges · 21/08/2023 08:50

Oh god I remember that time. It nearly broke me completely. It’s going to get so much better - just hang on!! When the younger one hits 3 or 4 they will play together and the next 5-10 years are so delightful. You’re in the hardest phase. Just remember it passes.

Positive41 · 21/08/2023 08:50

The kids go to nursery.

Imagine SAHM that deal with it 24/7. Now that is hard work

Original poster
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh · 21/08/2023 08:51

Positive41 · 21/08/2023 08:50

The kids go to nursery.

Imagine SAHM that deal with it 24/7. Now that is hard work

I couldn't agree more. I have huge respect for it. I would not be able to do it.

OP posts:
Starwarslover · 21/08/2023 08:51

Just wanted to share some solidarity with you OP, it’s so so hard.

mine are now 5,3,3 and whilst it’s still very intense it is immeasurably easier than when they were the ages of yours. I love them dearly (as you clearly do yours) but you couldn’t pay me a million pounds to go back two years.

I have no advice but the passage of time will help. 💐

itsmyp4rty · 21/08/2023 08:52

A completely different tack her but have you watched 'The Lost Daughter' (with Olivia Coleman). It's a bloody brilliant portrayal of the relentlessness of young children (with beautiful scenery also thrown in). I think she even says at one point 'children are relentless' no I got that wrong, just looked it up and it's 'children are a crushing responsibility'.

Anyway if you ever get some time to yourself then i'd recommend it as a film that covers the relentlessness of children perfectly and Olivia Colemen's character is fascinating.

Flaskfan · 21/08/2023 08:54

It's the worst bit. But then I used to feel guilty in work that I'd wasted my time with them by my enjoying it. The demands, demands, demands..... and lack of sleep.

But.

It doesn't last that long. By 6 and 8, life was better. By double figures, mine pretty much left me alone. And started sleeping in, so I get that gorgeous early morning quiet.

A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 · 21/08/2023 08:54

'It could be the crying a bit here and there that's the problem. Then it's all unpredictable for him, sometimes he cries for 2 minutes and you come back, sometimes it takes longer. More consistent sleep training would be less stressful for both of you in the end. He's old enough to understand you explaining to him how it's going to work.'

@Pollyputhekettleon I think you've articulated it really well here, as that's exactly what we were doing and it was failing. When we did Ferber with our one year old, it actually took just three days. But the first day he cried for 23 minutes (with us going in and out and it was tough). Second day only three minutes. Third day back to longer again but under 15 mins I think, and then straight to sleep each night from there. But my partner reminded me we had probably an hour or two of screaming every night with him before we trained, while we were holding him and he was fighting sleep. Fighting being put back to bed. Screaming while in bed with us etc when we caved exhausted and let him get in with us.

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