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Original poster

I'm spitting !! Juvenile I know but I want a little revenge .. AIBU

130 replies

salpelly · 20/08/2023 15:52

So long story short I was dating a man (47) r a few months at the beginning of summer. He had only left a volatile relationship. Incompatibility by the sounds of it .

Anyway, he unceremoniously announced after we slept together a few times after a dates over that period that he wasn't in the right space for anything despite a few plans discussed.

It took my heart a while to accept what my head was telling me so having pushed it, I realised he was still tolerating crying and begging texts and phone calls from his ex. I posted about this.
He was feeling guilty and upset that he had hurt her.
Not so much me by all accounts, clearly.

He suggested we catch up in a few months to see if his life had settled down and we were both in the right place for something. He does have a lot of other stuff going on that would not be conducive to a relationship at the moment.

So fast forward to now, the relationship remains over and she is still terribly upset and regularly blocks/ unblocks , leaves nasty messages etc . She is however still a friend in his social media, as am I.

I was very much a secret bar his friends and a brother knowing. He is very enmeshed with his family and appears afraid of their disapproval about nearly everything.
He watches my social media but doesn't like any posts etc.

His ex comes up as a suggested friend on mine nearly every day so I reckon she has cottoned on to him having had a fling and she is having a look . We literally got together the weekend they finished which I'm sure she is curious about.
So, he is on holidays with his kids and has posted some beautiful photos of the resort I went to earlier in the year.

The bitchy part of me wants to like his post, possibly comment on it but he would be mortified as I am persona non grata, a dirty secret . HIS EX would probably go nuts. He may be annoyed with me for letting the cat out of the bag so to speak.
The nice person in me says not to stir the pot.
WWYD ... kind of light hearted here btw ...
So please don't attack me ! I'm
Still human !

And I know that living your best life is the best revenge but I'm really fucked off that I was essentially used and discarded under false pretences.

Thanks for reading if you got this far ..

OP posts:
Pal0ma · 20/08/2023 18:46

If his ex has noticed you on fb, she'll know your mutual friend is her H.
The best thing to do is to block them both. She might notice you'd disappeared. Now why would a woman who knows her H block her????

That might start a conversation between them.

Hopefully you won't be thinking about them when he is busy swearing blind he has no idea why you'd block her!

Legselevens · 20/08/2023 18:47

Read the thread

Original poster
salpelly · 20/08/2023 18:56

By lighthearted I meant that my intention was just to like his post and comment about them having a lovely holiday.
No kisses or emojis or anything like that just a reminder that I existed and that we had that in common.
Having read all of these replies, I can see from the posters who offered sound and objective advice that by doing that, I would be feeding his ego and actually hurting his ex who is hurt enough.
It is him who I am upset with. I feel sorry for her.

I thought he was genuine as his problems were genuine and of course in hindsight he was never in a place to start something but to his kind, the relationship was well and truly over before he ended it.
I neglected that when things settled he might have come back and we would have reconnected in meant seeing anyone else.
Deluding myself I think?
Yet again, it's time to shore up those boundaries and realise my worth.

I am actually going to erase him out of my life. I think it's the healthiest thing to do at this time.

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 20/08/2023 18:57

LisaD1 · 20/08/2023 15:57

Sounds like he had a lucky escape from
a juvenile

Agreed. Get on with your life Op!

Thoughtful2355 · 20/08/2023 18:58

sorry but i think your in the wrong here, he didnt use you. He tried to get back out there and met you for some dates and had sex a few times, he then realised he just wasnt over his ex enough for that. Its good he told you instead of dragging you along for ages and then coming out with it. at the end of the day relationships and dates end . It wasnt his fault, you KNEW about his ex and yet you still met him rather than saying you wernt going to be a rebound and now your acting insane and jealous and honestly a bit creepy.

I understand it hurts but you hardly knew eachother, you shouldnt be up in his business so much just block /delete and move on

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 19:03

* just a reminder that I existed and that we had that in common. *

you must realise how this sounds op

you got together at the beginning of the summer and it has been over some time. So it must have been a handful of dates at most

HarrietJet · 20/08/2023 19:04

Had what in common? That you'd holidayed in the same place (separately)?

MissHarrietBede · 20/08/2023 19:07

I am actually going to erase him out of my life. I think it's the healthiest thing to do at this time.

Good to hear! I think there is a recent 'no contact' thread still running in relationships if that helps.

Be aware this type of man often resurfaces for a booty call months down the line.

Original poster
salpelly · 20/08/2023 19:08

@HarrietJet He booked his holiday at the same resort as the one I was in while I was there.
That was a few weeks in to our fling. The reason he did that is that we shared a hobby that is especially well organised there and his post was a photo of him doing that activity. That's all.

OP posts:
KatiefromHull · 20/08/2023 19:11

@salpelly Did u actually think you were going to have an afternoon of like minded losers helping you plan nasty little acts of revenge? If u was you I would be taking on board the adult sensible advice given so far and perhaps not mention this to anyone in real life.

Janieforever · 20/08/2023 19:12

Op, I think you need to try very hard to move on. This isn’t healthy

I also would urge you to think about how relationships work. No one is all in until marriage, or say buying a house, maybe deciding to have kids together.

No one is all in after a few dates. No one. And every single person has the right to end any relationship at any time they no longer wish to proceed. You were not entitled to a relationship with this man.

please just leave him and his alone and try to force yourself not to be so so focused on him.

its over. Accept it.

Original poster
salpelly · 20/08/2023 19:14

I have taken on the advice of the sensible and decent posters. I needed a shake and I got it ! Thanks.

OP posts:
HarrietJet · 20/08/2023 19:15

Onwards and upwards, op.

Mmhmmn · 20/08/2023 19:20

"He is very enmeshed with his family and appears afraid of their disapproval about nearly everything."

Omg. PLEASE realise a lucky escape when you see one. Enmeshed with family and fearing their disapproval does NOT spell happy times ahead for you. Trust me, I know. Your life is never your own. He's one to avoid - like the plague.

MrsDBaddiel · 20/08/2023 20:01

Please think of this interlude as a lucky escape, he’s not interested in a ltr with you and never will be. For your own mental health and self respect, let this one go. There’s no requirement for “revenge”, that’s like something out of a crappy movie or soap. Just move on.

TooBigForMyBoots · 20/08/2023 22:58

salpelly · 20/08/2023 18:56

By lighthearted I meant that my intention was just to like his post and comment about them having a lovely holiday.
No kisses or emojis or anything like that just a reminder that I existed and that we had that in common.
Having read all of these replies, I can see from the posters who offered sound and objective advice that by doing that, I would be feeding his ego and actually hurting his ex who is hurt enough.
It is him who I am upset with. I feel sorry for her.

I thought he was genuine as his problems were genuine and of course in hindsight he was never in a place to start something but to his kind, the relationship was well and truly over before he ended it.
I neglected that when things settled he might have come back and we would have reconnected in meant seeing anyone else.
Deluding myself I think?
Yet again, it's time to shore up those boundaries and realise my worth.

I am actually going to erase him out of my life. I think it's the healthiest thing to do at this time.

Yeah Brew

Original poster
salpelly · 20/08/2023 23:02

It doesn't seem to matter what I reply to posters , some people think I have an agenda . I have no skin in this , in that I have no reason to lie on this anonymous forum.
I've taken a fair share of insults and nastiness here today but have been honest all the way through.
Thanks for all the objectivity and kindness to the pps.
To the others , I wish you happiness and forgiveness re whatever someone has done to you .

OP posts:
Flipflipmania · 21/08/2023 06:29

I don’t think anyone thinks you’re lying op

but most of us think that this is very very flipping odd

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 21/08/2023 09:45

He didnt use you. You let him have sex with you.It was consensual wasn't it? You should've taken the time, if you werent sure before jumping into bed with him. But to solely put the blame on him isnt fair.
Just move on fgs Stop investing so much time on him.

Original poster
salpelly · 21/08/2023 09:50

Good morning
I blocked him on all social media and deleted his contact last night.
I felt relieved and thanks for your thoughts again.
I woke up this morning to a message notification from a random number. It is from him. I never blocked his number just deleted it. I just recognise the last few digits as I don't actually remember It all.
How predictable.
I think I will either delete the entire message leaving it unread and then block or else perhaps I should just say goodbye and ask him not to contact me again?

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 21/08/2023 10:00

He had only left a volatile relationship.

Sounds like he has a type. Hopefully he'll learn for next time.

Cowlover89 · 21/08/2023 10:02

Block and move on.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/08/2023 10:42

His ex comes up as a suggested friend on mine nearly every day so I reckon she has cottoned on to him having had a fling and she is having a look .

I know you've blocked him etc now but just to say I don't think that's how it works. Suggested friends usually come up because they have a friend in common with you, or several, I don't think they've all been snooping around your page first...

Original poster
salpelly · 21/08/2023 10:45

Tbh I've no idea how it works anymore . I've blocked her too. I'm done with this whole circus.
He has sent some photos from his holidays and a light and breezy message wondering how I am and reminiscing on our chats about The resort.
I haven't replied.

OP posts:
Blueberrymuffin80 · 21/08/2023 11:12

salpelly · 21/08/2023 09:50

Good morning
I blocked him on all social media and deleted his contact last night.
I felt relieved and thanks for your thoughts again.
I woke up this morning to a message notification from a random number. It is from him. I never blocked his number just deleted it. I just recognise the last few digits as I don't actually remember It all.
How predictable.
I think I will either delete the entire message leaving it unread and then block or else perhaps I should just say goodbye and ask him not to contact me again?

Just leave it OP he just want Friends with benefits.

Don't waster your time with him.

You've had a Lucky escape.

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