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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm spitting !! Juvenile I know but I want a little revenge .. AIBU

130 replies

salpelly · 20/08/2023 15:52

So long story short I was dating a man (47) r a few months at the beginning of summer. He had only left a volatile relationship. Incompatibility by the sounds of it .

Anyway, he unceremoniously announced after we slept together a few times after a dates over that period that he wasn't in the right space for anything despite a few plans discussed.

It took my heart a while to accept what my head was telling me so having pushed it, I realised he was still tolerating crying and begging texts and phone calls from his ex. I posted about this.
He was feeling guilty and upset that he had hurt her.
Not so much me by all accounts, clearly.

He suggested we catch up in a few months to see if his life had settled down and we were both in the right place for something. He does have a lot of other stuff going on that would not be conducive to a relationship at the moment.

So fast forward to now, the relationship remains over and she is still terribly upset and regularly blocks/ unblocks , leaves nasty messages etc . She is however still a friend in his social media, as am I.

I was very much a secret bar his friends and a brother knowing. He is very enmeshed with his family and appears afraid of their disapproval about nearly everything.
He watches my social media but doesn't like any posts etc.

His ex comes up as a suggested friend on mine nearly every day so I reckon she has cottoned on to him having had a fling and she is having a look . We literally got together the weekend they finished which I'm sure she is curious about.
So, he is on holidays with his kids and has posted some beautiful photos of the resort I went to earlier in the year.

The bitchy part of me wants to like his post, possibly comment on it but he would be mortified as I am persona non grata, a dirty secret . HIS EX would probably go nuts. He may be annoyed with me for letting the cat out of the bag so to speak.
The nice person in me says not to stir the pot.
WWYD ... kind of light hearted here btw ...
So please don't attack me ! I'm
Still human !

And I know that living your best life is the best revenge but I'm really fucked off that I was essentially used and discarded under false pretences.

Thanks for reading if you got this far ..

OP posts:
legalseagull · 20/08/2023 15:55

So you want to shit stir with a bloke that you went on a few dates with and slept with a few times who hasn't actually done anything wrong?

HarrietJet · 20/08/2023 15:55

Leave them alone and get on with your life.

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 15:55

43
and happened months ago

seriously op - why navel gaze about this

Original poster
salpelly · 20/08/2023 15:56

He used me ...very possibly for sex that's the bottom line. I am very hurt and humiliated.

OP posts:
ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 20/08/2023 15:57

I'm not sure why you're bragging about getting together the weekend 'they finished'... that's nothing to brag about. Nor would I find shit stirring to a woman you've wronged quite honestly. You're clearly jealous.

LisaD1 · 20/08/2023 15:57

Sounds like he had a lucky escape from
a juvenile

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 15:57

salpelly · 20/08/2023 15:56

He used me ...very possibly for sex that's the bottom line. I am very hurt and humiliated.

So

show that you’ve moved on and don’t care (despite fact you haven’t and do) and don’t dignify this nonsense with any action whatsoever

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 15:57

All the parties in this sordid mess sound unappealing tbh

KrisAkabusi · 20/08/2023 15:59

No, despite your update, I still can't see that he's done anything wrong. It's only your opinion that he used you, the other possiblity is that he realised he made a bad choice and was honest with you. Stop stirring shit, stop following his social media and leave him alone.

Original poster
salpelly · 20/08/2023 15:59

I'm certainly not bragging. I wrote that to give context as to why she may be cottoning on to him meeting someone else so soon.

OP posts:
JMSA · 20/08/2023 16:00

salpelly · 20/08/2023 15:56

He used me ...very possibly for sex that's the bottom line. I am very hurt and humiliated.

Presumably it was consensual and then he thought better of it. It happens, crappy as it is.
Thing is OP, you have to take some responsibility here. I wouldn't touch a man so soon out of a relationship with somebody else's barge pole.
I'm sorry, but it was never going to end well.
Forget it and move on. You'll only look like a fanny with the revenge thing, and you're better than that I'm sure.

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 16:00

Bragging??

good Lord no one In their right kind would think you have anything to “brag about”

Caprisunny · 20/08/2023 16:00

I am sorry you have been hurt.

But you for with a bloke the same weekend he split up with his ex, did you not expect it to be a bit soon and it would end up being a fling?

You dated a bit then he decided he didn’t want anything more. Not sure what the huge problem is tbh.

continentallentil · 20/08/2023 16:01

Tell me this isn’t real

You had a fling for a couple months and you are stalking him on social media and planning on causing trouble.

And when you refer to his ex you are referring to his ex wife and the mother of his kids??

Get a grip and get some self respect. Via therapy if necessary.

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 16:02

Started dating at the “Beginning of summer”

so what… 2.5 months ago?

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 16:03

His ex comes up as a suggested friend on mine nearly every day

No doubt because you relentlessly track her

Flipflipmania · 20/08/2023 16:04

Do you have children op? 😬

Iam4eels · 20/08/2023 16:04

You'll be even more hurt and humiliated if you start dragging it all out on social media.

For the love of dignity, unfollow him and block both of them on social media so you can't see their updates and they can't see yours. Spend some quality time investing in yourself, what do you want for you? Take up a new hobby, have a holiday, spend time with friends, and just fucking chill.

They say the best revenge is to live well and be happy because it's true. Shit stirring just brings more heartbreak.

Ponoka7 · 20/08/2023 16:05

Did he say that if you had sex with him , you'd have long term prospects? You've got a very old fashioned view of sex. Only have sex of you want to, then neither of you are being used. You give it a go and sometimes realise that it's not for you. If you are the poster I'm thinking about, it was all a bit of a mess and the way he is with his family means that you are best out of it. You accepted being a secret. Think about what you really want next time and don't have sex if it's got strings attached, that's not healthy at all.

Valerie23 · 20/08/2023 16:06

Why would you want to act like a butch to piss her off when she has done you no harm?

How utterly petty and juvenile.

It's sounds like you knew his situation right from the beginning and didn't consider that it was too soon for him to get with him and there most likely will be drama?

Move in with your life and forget about him and perhaps don't get so involved so quickly with the next man you meet.

Hankunamatata · 20/08/2023 16:07

You guys dated and had sex and he was honea the wasn't ready for relationship. Surely the clue he had just broke up with his ex that it wasn't prob going to go anywhere. Seriously you need to unfriend and move on

HarrietJet · 20/08/2023 16:07

What sort of "plans were discussed" after a few dates, op? He'd literally just split with his partner and mother of his kids, why would he be making elaborate long term plans with you, having known you 5 minutes?

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/08/2023 16:08

I'm sorry you were hurt, but honestly, delete him from your social media and move on.

Ladyj84 · 20/08/2023 16:08

How babyish your half to blame you knew he was just out of a relationship what were you thinking!! Clearly an unpleasant breakup why make it any worse not what I would do. Grow up and move on

Meatus · 20/08/2023 16:09

Why would you draw attention to the fact that you let a man use you as a rebound shag?

Move on. Raise your standards.