Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it uncomfortable with men staring at my DD?

147 replies

creamtogowithyourscones · 20/08/2023 11:27

She will be 16 in November and she’s already getting lots of stares from men. She’s very pretty and she looks closer to 18.

Last night we had dinner with my sister and niece and a man on the next table (who was on a date) kept glancing over trying to make eye contact.

I just want to protect her but also she’s at that age where she’s going to do what she wants.

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 20/08/2023 19:10

Comedycook · 20/08/2023 18:55

I'm absolutely convinced that a huge number of men are like this and it's only a very thin veneer of socialisation that stops them from raping and murdering on an even larger scale than currently.

I agree.

GoingInsaneAhhh · 20/08/2023 19:14

Comedycook · 20/08/2023 11:43

Id have turned round and said loudly so other diners and his date could hear... stop staring at my child

This!

Comtesse · 20/08/2023 19:22

This is the moment for your Inner Fishwife to come to the surface. Hateful that it’s required of course. What pigs they are.

Clymene · 20/08/2023 19:26

Comedycook · 20/08/2023 18:55

I'm absolutely convinced that a huge number of men are like this and it's only a very thin veneer of socialisation that stops them from raping and murdering on an even larger scale than currently.

I agree.

5128gap · 20/08/2023 19:33

The other day I heard "We're 14 you peado" yelled at top volume from a group of teenagers at a man as they left the train. I was walking behind them out of the station and could hear them talking to each other about how he'd been staring at them throughout the journey. I see this man every day. 50s, suited and booted, somebody's Nigel.
So pleased the girls felt able to call him out. So sad they had to.

Startyabastard · 20/08/2023 20:02

Mydogisagentleman · 20/08/2023 14:16

My daughter is a godess, she hadn't always been.
When she was about 14, some workmen at her school were quite clearly checking out the girls in PE.
The girls had to walk back to the changing rooms about 25 metres away from where they were working.
One of the 'men' was the eldest brother of a friend. He appeared to be a ringleader/gob 9n a stick. My DD heard a couple of comments, walked closer to him and barked.
I'm not sure why, but she uses this technique whenever she feels she is being objectified

This is vile.... they were still at school!!!!
I hate men sometimes.
I get my fair share of disgusting male comments myself, in fact quite alot and it really annoys me, BUT it is better that than a child.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 20/08/2023 20:37

DisquietintheRanks · 20/08/2023 18:38

So when a woman sexually assaults a boy, you think the balance of power lies with the boy? Right then.

Show quote history

This thread is about older men leering at young girls.

Not about older women leering at young boys (young boys are at more risk from men than they are from women in any event).

And yes, the power dynamic is still different. A boy can get away from a woman, at least from a physical perspective (psychologically it may be different if he has been groomed).

ChevyCamaro · 20/08/2023 20:38

The rapacious male sex drive (and preference for young women) is the only reason the human race still exists.
Don't fucking use my post to excuse shite like this. I never said that. I said it's natural for men to notice pretty girls - notice, nothing more. And honestly, do you not believe women ( women eg 18-40 who still are fertile) have a sex drive of their own? Does the human race only exist because of men's sex drive in your opinion?? I hope you don't have a girlfriend because I reckon she won't be at all satisfied if that's what you believe!

ChevyCamaro · 20/08/2023 20:39

Oh, and my teen son has started getting leered at and propositioned too...by men.

EvilElsa · 20/08/2023 20:43

My niece has just turned 20 and the amount of older men that ogle her openly is gross. I remember her being 16 and followed around by a 40 plus year old in a supermarket with him trying to engage her in conversation. It made her so uncomfortable. I remember having the same from one of our neighbours when I was 15 (and he knew I was 15) and he was in his 40s. Fucking grim.

EvilElsa · 20/08/2023 20:45

Comedycook · 20/08/2023 18:55

I'm absolutely convinced that a huge number of men are like this and it's only a very thin veneer of socialisation that stops them from raping and murdering on an even larger scale than currently.

Absolutely agree and I say this frequently.

Disturbia81 · 20/08/2023 20:50

ChevyCamaro · 20/08/2023 16:29

Obviously all straight men are going to notice pretty young girls, it's hard wired. The difference is, decent men will a) not leer and b) once they realise the girl is really young will have the grace to feel like a dirty old man and look away.
Teenage girls aren't really children at 15 but they aren't t adults either and men should leave them well alone
Men who harras and lech at young girls get the sharp end from me and the girls don't even have to be my daughters ( I have none)
It does make me feel very depressed that it falls to women to protect teens and children, and if gobby battle-axes like me weren't around men would be even worse.

Nah sorry, they couldn't even be noticing pretty young girls, and funny how many decent men manage not to. Older men should automatically feel parental towards younger people, I know I do.
Ugh this thread is so depressing.. I used to get beeped at from age 12 onwards. What is it with these men liking childrens tiny bodies!? Or teenagers. Sick fucks

I'm so glad I don't have daughters as I'd end up getting arrested. I don't even have any and I glare and comment at old leches, I LOVE the confidence of age!

Siameasy · 20/08/2023 20:55

It’s weird how this stuff went on in the past but was just shrugged off. I’m 70s-born. I remember being really scared to walk past workmen on the way to school as they’d always comment. One of my friends was grabbed by some as a “joke”. We y been 13 at the time.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 20/08/2023 20:56

My dd is 15 and I understand what you mean op. I have now started to say to them 'she's 15' and leave it at that

Gwenhwyfar · 20/08/2023 21:38

"So when a woman sexually assaults a boy, you think the balance of power lies with the boy? Right then."

Probably not, but it's not the same as a man and a woman/girl.
Any teenage boy could physically overpower me. I realise physical power is not the only kind of power.

girlfriend44 · 20/08/2023 21:51

NerrSnerr · 20/08/2023 15:22

Maybe heterosexual males could stop leering full stop and then there wouldn't be an issue with getting ages wrong. You can be sexually attracted to someone without staring and making someone uncomfortable

Show quote history

Never going to happen
It's human nature to look at other people.

TomatoSandwiches · 20/08/2023 22:01

girlfriend44 · 20/08/2023 21:51

Never going to happen
It's human nature to look at other people.

Show quote history

Look yes, leer and stare is something every mature adult can control... if they're not a pervert.

HRTQueen · 20/08/2023 22:15

I have called out men for staring at my nieces

one time when my oldest niece was about 8, I thought the guy was looking at me it was so uncomfortable as he seemed to be following us around the shop I then realised it was my niece he was looking at, I think the look of horror on my face made him run when he realised I knew still makes me feel sick thinking about it

Amethys · 20/08/2023 22:30

If you have the energy, and are in a safe space (ie not somewhere the man seems a bit scary), call it out.

Brilliant scene here by the way of young girls calling out creeps

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NPNrUaFjrAo

The.Inbetweeners Paedo!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NPNrUaFjrAo

swimsong · 20/08/2023 23:41

FineganFineagain · 20/08/2023 13:00

(it was a girls school absolutely plagued with flashers and masturbators in hedgerows) my god men are grim.

When the gender ideologues bang on about how we're all the same, no difference between genders only body parts, so get used to male bodies in female spaces and if you object you're a hateful bigot, we should all recall the statement above and tell them to fuck off. Can you imagine a boys' school experiencing women flashing and masturbating in the hedgerows? Can you imagine there being a market for unwashed male underpants? A woman phoning a barbershop to breath heavily down the phone and ask them if they're waxed bare down below (this happened to me at the salon I owned)? Has a woman ever been found guilty of videoing under a changing room door, placing spy cameras in male toilets, violating a body in a mortuary, raping a patient in a coma etc etc? What's the expression? "The more I learn about men the more I love my dog".

This should be screenshotted and posted everywhere.

swimsong · 21/08/2023 00:01

TheaBrandt · 20/08/2023 15:39

It’s grim either way but far more prevalent men to girls. Plus the dynamic is more aggressive due to the physical and societal power imbalance. A fit young man isn’t ever going to genuinely physically fear a middle aged woman.

Also the issue of violating body boundaries makes the impact greater for girls.

swimsong · 21/08/2023 00:11

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 20/08/2023 16:06

This thread is about a male, perving on a young girl. No-one is talking about male abuse apart from you. Maybe you should do what your user name suggests.

Quite an apt username you have yourself you fanny! 🥱

The shock that topics can and do evolve from the original topic or that horrifyingly similar discussion can be had side by side.

Or are you being deliberately obtuse to child sexualisation/abuse?

There's always a Not-all-Men hero ready with a bad case of whataboutism to parade around. Not usually as tacky as this, though.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread