Friend put down

[Tilly0921]

A friend of mine who I have know for 25 years belittles me in front of others. I have recently felt extremely down the next day after socialising with her because of this.

Last night my husband and I met her new boyfriend and she put me down all evening.
Examples:

1)She told him whilst we were sat at the table that my hands are disgusting and ugly. She is the only person who tells me this continuously.

2)She told my husband and step daughter that I was ugly as a teenager and have only blossomed as an adult. I said I don't feel I looked that bad, she added that I definitely was and she will find photos to show everyone to prove it.

3)told everyone that when I was a hairdresser that I was useless and my mum probably does her own colour now because she hated how I did it for the last 20 years. This is not true, my mum felt I was too busy bringing up my children to keep doing it.

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

She basically implies to everyone that I'm an idiot with no friends. But will then randomly drop into conversation that she would like to take me away on holiday with her as she has no one to go on holiday with. I told her I can't afford this and she said she would pay for me. She's either really nice or quite mean to me!

I genuinely feel upset about this. She has always sort of been like this with me and I have brushed it off but never this bad.
I just don't have any other friends that make me feel this low after seeing them. What do you think her issue is? Maybe she just thinks it's funny.

I had one of these. I've never once regretted binning her off. She sent me a message in 2020 apologising for her behaviour which I read and didn't reply to. You'll be happier without her, I promise.

She's a frenemy not a friend
Putting you down makes her feel better about herself
Just because you've been friends for 25 years, you can drop her at any time... suggest you do that now
Didn't your DH say anything?

It's hard to cut someone out, but please remember, you are creating space for someone to enter your life who appreciates your friendship. Any second spent with her is robbing you of time you could have spent 1 million times better!

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

this is your only mistake, because if she fits under this category then she shouldn’t, and she needs to be removed from your life.

Exactly this

Yup. Give her the boot asap.

You cannot call this woman your friend??

She's not a friend. A friend only wants the best for you and raises you up. A friend is not someone who belittles you to make themselves feel better and look better in front of others.

It sounds like she's threatened by you so tore you down in case her new boyfriend might be interested in you. That isn't too excuse it at all, rather you should stop seeing her entirely.

These people do not tend to change or see their mistakes easily. They'd rather blame others for their own failures as well.

Why would u put up with being treated like this?
The first reply to your post says it all.

Fuck her off!

I would drop her like the undertaker, big old tombstone right to the head. What a cow she is!

Don't accept a holiday at her expense. That would just be another stick to beat you with. You 'd never hear the end of it.

I wonder what her new fella thought while she was behaving like this? Probably "I could be next".

These are beyond ‘put downs’ she’s saying outrageously rude and bullying things to you.

Why on earth do you describe her as a friend?

So why are you still friends with her?

Ditch her. I bet your partner hates her/thinks she’s a weirdo.

I thought you were going to list subtle put downs - not these. She sounds horrific. Do not see her again. Please tell me people speak up for you? The only ugliness is in her.

She's not your friend. A real friend wouldn't put you down constantly like that.

She's the living embodiment of the phrase 'with friends like that who needs enemies'.

I wouldn't tolerate this, and I'm normally a huge avoider of confrontation, and my own worst critic. My knee-jerk reaction would be to stand up, drain my drink, tell her I wasn't listening to her rudeness any longer, get my bag and leave, regardless of how I'd got there or gone there with.

Life is WAY too short to put up with that kind of shitty behaviour on her part.

She’s not your friend, she’s your bully. I’m sure you already know that deep down.

you are worth more then this person putting you down continuously.

I know its been asked before but seriously did your husband just sit there and let her talk to you like that? Cos if he did he is as much an arsehole as she is.

How the fuck have you put up with this for 25 years?! She’s a bullying cunt. Block her and give no fucks.

First answer is the one you need to listen to

weird relationship