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Original poster

Friend put down

131 replies

Tilly0921 · 19/08/2023 20:57

A friend of mine who I have know for 25 years belittles me in front of others. I have recently felt extremely down the next day after socialising with her because of this.

Last night my husband and I met her new boyfriend and she put me down all evening.
Examples:

1)She told him whilst we were sat at the table that my hands are disgusting and ugly. She is the only person who tells me this continuously.

2)She told my husband and step daughter that I was ugly as a teenager and have only blossomed as an adult. I said I don't feel I looked that bad, she added that I definitely was and she will find photos to show everyone to prove it.

3)told everyone that when I was a hairdresser that I was useless and my mum probably does her own colour now because she hated how I did it for the last 20 years. This is not true, my mum felt I was too busy bringing up my children to keep doing it.

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

She basically implies to everyone that I'm an idiot with no friends. But will then randomly drop into conversation that she would like to take me away on holiday with her as she has no one to go on holiday with. I told her I can't afford this and she said she would pay for me. She's either really nice or quite mean to me!

I genuinely feel upset about this. She has always sort of been like this with me and I have brushed it off but never this bad.
I just don't have any other friends that make me feel this low after seeing them. What do you think her issue is? Maybe she just thinks it's funny.

OP posts:
bossybloss · 19/08/2023 21:35

Cut her out of your life.
Send her a text telling her why … then block!

scoobydoo1971 · 19/08/2023 21:36

I am no 'Dr Phil' but this is how I see it. 'Friend' is deeply jealous of you, and has her own deep-rooted anxieties and insecurities. I bet she hates her own hands really and envied your hair skills. She is just projecting on you, and trying to announce how she will take you on holiday to make herself look like your 'saviour'. Look at me, me, ME Saint 'friend'...taking this poor waif on holiday as she cannot afford to pay for herself, bless her soul. Oh how superior am I because I can afford to take her along. Life is short, and you need to avoid this vampire like the plague. She must be a very troubled individual if she has nothing better to do than constantly put you down.

Supergirl1958 · 19/08/2023 21:36

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

This! It will only make your life worse if you continue to socialise with the cow!

I know from experience, as a teenager I was constantly put down by my best friend when we went on nights out! I could make your hair curl with some of the stories!

I stopped seeing her 3 years ago and I’m happier for it!

Startrekkeruniverse · 19/08/2023 21:37

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

First answer had it for me.

BMW6 · 19/08/2023 21:40

You've been her punch bag for 25 bloody years!
FGS WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH IT?

I know people can have low self esteem, but this is beyond that.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 19/08/2023 21:40

I had a best friend from age 5 to 18 and she changed when she got engaged and had a baby, we were still best friends up until we were both 24. She was like a sister to me and to my mum a second daughter.

She started with snipey comments like “you’ve got a low slung flat bum” and then accusing me of stealing from her (benefits claim). She always told me she was a plain Jane and I wasn’t. Our friendship ended but she tried to get it back later, I did consider it and it was very loose (FB) but now I’ve just not bothered. Don’t miss her!

AInightingale · 19/08/2023 21:40

If your partner was doing this, it would be called an emotionally abusive relationship. What's the difference?

chimamandafan · 19/08/2023 21:42

What on earth made you mistake her for a friend? Friends don't treat friends this way. Dump her and get better friends.

GerbilTrainerExtraordinaire2 · 19/08/2023 21:43

I have a friend like this and she’s quite a complicated character. Underneath everything I suspect she’s just jealous. I manage her behaviour by going no contact for a month when she’s awful and then low contact when she’s nice.

you can also challenge her immediately when she says something. Try … ‘how rude…’ or ‘pardon, what did you say…’ or directly ask her why she puts you down constantly? Or just get up and calmly leave, cut the night short.

DarkDarkNight · 19/08/2023 21:43

She’s a bitch, probably a jealous bitch. That’s what her issue is and it’s all hers, not yours. Don’t spend your time socialising with someone who makes you feel bad the next day.

Pipsquiggle · 19/08/2023 21:44

She's a frenemy. Ditch her. Sounds like one of those bitchy girls from a teen movie

CeciNestPasUnPipi · 19/08/2023 21:44

dearanon · 19/08/2023 21:01

Stop meeting her. She's a cunt.

This is pretty much it.

category12 · 19/08/2023 21:45

She's not your friend.

LuckyPeonies · 19/08/2023 21:45

OP, cut her out immediately! And perhaps ponder why you allow(ed) this awful, malicious woman to mistreat you.

Redebs · 19/08/2023 21:49

She has no one to go on holiday with because she's spiteful and nasty. Nobody else will tolerate it.
Do yourself (and her, ultimately) a favour and avoid her. The thrill she experiences from bullying you and not getting called out on it, is purely toxic. It diminishes you and it feeds her addiction to spite. She is buying your time, attention and humiliation.
Walk away. Be unavailable. Don't make excuses or explain. You're just not going with her. Be brilliant!

HorsePlatitudes · 19/08/2023 21:50

Haha her boyfriend will see all this for himself, what an idiot!

ilovesushi · 19/08/2023 21:51

She sounds awful and you sound lovely. Cut her off. She is no good.

amispeakingintongues · 19/08/2023 21:52

She's jealous and intimidated by you which makes her act like an insecure fool. You should never be disrespected like this by anyone who claims to be a friend.

And what the hell did your husband say?!

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2023 21:52

Tilly0921 · 19/08/2023 20:57

A friend of mine who I have know for 25 years belittles me in front of others. I have recently felt extremely down the next day after socialising with her because of this.

Last night my husband and I met her new boyfriend and she put me down all evening.
Examples:

1)She told him whilst we were sat at the table that my hands are disgusting and ugly. She is the only person who tells me this continuously.

2)She told my husband and step daughter that I was ugly as a teenager and have only blossomed as an adult. I said I don't feel I looked that bad, she added that I definitely was and she will find photos to show everyone to prove it.

3)told everyone that when I was a hairdresser that I was useless and my mum probably does her own colour now because she hated how I did it for the last 20 years. This is not true, my mum felt I was too busy bringing up my children to keep doing it.

4)announced to everyone that I have no friends. At this point I had a few to drink so unfortunately reacted by saying - you always say this to me...I'm sorry I don't have as many friends as you but the ones I have, have been there for the last 20 plus years
and I trust them.

She basically implies to everyone that I'm an idiot with no friends. But will then randomly drop into conversation that she would like to take me away on holiday with her as she has no one to go on holiday with. I told her I can't afford this and she said she would pay for me. She's either really nice or quite mean to me!

I genuinely feel upset about this. She has always sort of been like this with me and I have brushed it off but never this bad.
I just don't have any other friends that make me feel this low after seeing them. What do you think her issue is? Maybe she just thinks it's funny.

Doesn't matter why

She's a cow

Do not see her again

CrunchyCarrot · 19/08/2023 21:55

I would say, who cares what her issue is! Remove her as a friend immediately, she's toxic for you. Please don't see her again.

MhairiLynette · 19/08/2023 21:55

I had a friend like this in my early teens. Then I reached 16, grew up and got rid. This is not a friendship OP. It sounds like she is jealous of you and so puts you down to make herself feel better about her own situation. Get rid!!!

Tiredmum100 · 19/08/2023 21:57

She's no friend. She sounds horrible. Get rid, life is too short for dick heads. Her comments probably stem from jealousy.

GameOverBoys · 19/08/2023 21:59

Who knows what her problem is. She could be jealous or insecure, but why does it matter. The up shot is she’s a bitch and make you feel bad. Sack her off and spend your time with people who love you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/08/2023 21:59

She clearly has very low self esteem. Confident people who are content with themselves have no need and much less desire to put their friends down or anyone else for that matter. She's probably more to be pitied.
All that said though it doesn't alter the fact that her "friendship" seems about as much use a used condom not to put too finer point on it

Serenissima90 · 19/08/2023 22:00

I have no words

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